ANDRE THE BUTCHER

  2005/87m

A.k.a. Dead Meat

“No matter how you slice it… He’s pure terror.”

Director/Writer: Philip Cruz / Writer: James Hyde / Cast: Ron Jeremy, April Billingsley, Maury Sterling, Faye Canada, Heather Joy Budner, Justin Capaz, Liz Mullins, Alan Fessenden, Terry Mross, Gene Nash.

Body Count: 14

Dire-logue: “Could you please put aside your sexual identity issues for a minute and whip it out?”

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A slasher flick with porno legend Ron Jeremy as a supernatural killer?

Three college cheerleaders and a guy cheerleader (?) driving around Florida on their way to a contest crash their car and end up at an abandoned house inhabited by a welding-mask-masked wacko who hacks people up, grinds their flesh down and eats it. Throw in a couple of escaped prisoners and the state cops who’re chasing them and there’s plenty of victims for the chop.

In spite of lowest-of-the-low production merits, Andre the Butcher isn’t such a bad flick once; T&A announced at the outset by an old man narrator is fairly minimal and the now requisite girl-on-girl scene is handled just that teeny bit more maturely than you might expect.

The final girl, Jasmine, is actually outed as a lesbian half way through. I know! A gay final girl at last! A sort of back up heroine arrives in the black police deputy. A lesbian and a black woman. What gives?

The characterisations aren’t exactly ocean deep but people turn out a little differently than it would appear. They’re generally sweet natured kids who don’t bitch and fight for a change and the prisoners are also packing a few surprises.

Andre the Butcher is full of sloppy gore and Jeremy is chucklesome as the loony toon but it’s not the kinda thing you’re ever going to watch more than once, so for a film that LOOKS like it’s going to be one 87-minute stereotype, you could waste your time far less interestingly.

Blurb-of-interest: Ron Jeremy played Jesus (!) in Bloody Bloody Bible Camp.