Category Archives: Remake Rumble

Remake Rumble: Don’t Call the Super

Less a Face-off, more a comparative analysis between the original and its – ugh – remake/reimagining/reboot/whatever (…delete as applicable), some I liked, some I loathed and some I somehow preferred to the original!


toolbox murders 1978


1.5 Stars  1978/18/91m

“Bit by bit… he carved a nightmare!”

Director: Dennis Donnelly / Writers: Neva Friedman, Robert Easter, Ann Kindberg / Cast: Cameron Mitchell, Pamelyn Ferdin, Wesley Eure, Nicolas Beauvy, Tim Donnelly, Aneta Corsaut.

Body Count: 8

Laughter Lines: “Come here you dirty fornicator!”

This depressingly bleak pre-Halloween effort follows a ski-masked, humming maniac, who offs several women in a close-knit apartment block before kidnapping a 15-year-old he believes is the reincarnation of his dead daughter. As it predates the flood of low-budget slash flicks by a few years, the narrative seems a bit out of whack seeing it after so many template slashers.

The first thirty minutes or so is entirely comprised of the back-to-back murders of a series of pretty young women, some of whom have absolutely no lines, they’re present simply to look good, disrobe, in one case take a bath in full make-up, masturbate, and then become the resting place for the killer’s drill/hammer/screwdriver. The killer is soon after identified as the owner of the complex (Mitchell), while his kidnapping victim’s older brother tries to solve the mystery with the help of his friend – the killer’s nephew – who gets a clue and quickly becomes as unwound as his uncle, which provides a passable twist before the end title card informs us that the film was based on true events.

toolbox murders 1978

The main problem here is pacing; with nearly all the slaughter out of the way in the first third, the film reverses the tension effect and it wades through a thick swamp of extended tedium to the okay finale, by which point you’re likely to be lapsing into a coma or masturbating in the bath.

Renowned for its UK banning in 1982, like most of the Video Nasty culprits it’s notorious reputation isn’t warranted and the film is much more boring than it is gory.


TOOLBOX MURDERStoolbox murders 2003

3.5 Stars  2003/15/91m

“If you lived here, you’d be dead by now.”

Director: Tobe Hooper / Writers: Jace Anderson & Adam Gierasch / Cast: Angela Bettis, Brent Roam, Juliet Landau, Rance Howard, Adam Gierasch, Greg Travis, Marco Rodriguez, Sara Downing, Chris Doyle.

Body Count: 8

One in a million this: A remake that far outdoes the original material. In a twist of irony, the same year that his Texas Chain Saw Massacre genre staple is remade big budget stylee by Hollywood, Tobe Hooper chooses to drag drab 70s sleazefest The Toolbox Murders into the millennium, albeit on a much less grand scale than the ‘re-imagining’ of his most famous film.

This remake is pretty much trading on its notorious title and wisely steers itself in a different direction from the trashy original. Keeping the setting of an apartment block – this time undergoing a lengthy renovation project – thus providing cheap lodgings for numerous Hollywood hopefuls and youthful victims for a ski-masked killer who leaps out of doorways and from behind objects to bludgeon and drill starlets to death.

New resident Angela Bettis becomes suspicious of the extraneous sounds and missing cohabitants so decides to investigate for herself, uncovering some hidden truths surrounding the history of the structure. She also puts herself in the path of the lunatic killer, eventually facing off with him while would-be rescuers fall by the wayside with various tools sticking out of them.

toolbox murders 2003

Toolbox Murders reasserts Hooper’s talent for cranking up the scares, gratefully negating memories of his feeble efforts in the years since Poltergeist (straight to video fodder Crocodile was also written by Anderson and Gierasch). He delivers several ejector-seat jump moments courtesy of avoiding the usual slasher pitfalls, and opting for catching the viewer in their off-guard moments between tension building. The final product also benefits from a good cast playing a variety of oddball characters from the stock creepy maintenance guy to the failing actors inhabiting several apartments via Juliet Landau’s sweet fitness freak, and Rance Howard as an ageing ex-actor who’s lived in the place since 1947 and might just know a little bit more about what’s going on than he’s letting on.

But its Bettis who turns in the most interesting performance as the not-entirely sympathetic heroine, giving her a dimension not always visible in central characters. All in all an overtly impressive improvement on a deservedly forgotten B-movie. Followed by a sequel in 2013.

Blurbs-of-interest: Cameron Mitchell was also in The DemonSilent Scream, Valley of Death, Trapped Alive and Jack-O; Angela Bettis was also in May and Scar; Juliet Landau was in Hack!; Sara Downing was in Wishcraft; Christopher Doyle was one of the cops in Scream 2; Tobe Hooper directed the first two TCM movies and The Funhouse.

Remake Rumble: Just let it go to voicemail…

Less a Face-off, more a comparative analysis between the original and its – ugh – remake/reimagining/reboot/whatever (…delete as applicable), some I liked, some I loathed and some I somehow preferred to the original!


3 Stars  1979/15/94m

“Every babysitter’s nightmares becomes real.”

Director: Fred Walton / Writers: Walton & Steve Feke / Cast: Charles Durning, Carol Kane, Colleen Dewhurst, Tony Beckley, Ron O’Neal, Carmen Argenziano, Rutanya Alda, Bill Boyett.

Body Count: 3

Fred Walton made a short film called The Sitter, which was built around one of the most well known urban legends. A babysitter alone in a strange house begins receiving bizarre calls that escalate in their creepiness. She calls the cops and they eventually trace the call, letting her know that they’re coming from inside the same house. Yikes.

These days with the internet and a gazillion reference points it’s old hat but way back in time stories like these that spread through the old friend-of-a-friend-esque method of communication likely kept slumber parties awake at night.

After the success of Halloween, Walton extended his short into When A Stranger Calls, which, had it ended twenty minutes in, would likely score five stars.

Carol Kane is the tormented babysitter, Jill Johnson, whose sitting gig at the home of Dr Mendrakis slowly unwinds into an evening of terror when repeat calls asking if she’s checked the [sleeping] children grow to the caller making it clear he can also see her and that he wants her blood all over him. Eww.

Jill is fortunate enough to escape once informed that the caller is upstairs, but the kiddies ain’t so lucky. We never see them either way. The culprit is caught. La-de-da-da.

Seven years later, the loon – Curt Duncan (Beckley, who died shortly after principal photography) – escapes from his madhouse and returns to terrorize Jill and her family anew, though not before setting his sights on husky voiced bar patron Tracy. All the while, Charles Durning P.I. is after him before he can kill again.


2006/15/87m  3 Stars

“Evil hits home.”

Director: Simon West / Writer: Jake Wade Wall / Cast: Camilla Belle, Tommy Flanagan, Katie Cassidy, Tessa Thompson, Brian Geraghty, Derek de Lint, Kate Jennings Grant, Clark Gregg.

Body Count: 6

One of the few remakes that retains character names, sullen teenager Jill Johnson is forced into a babysitting job after her parents ground her and cut off her phone privileges for going 800 minutes over her plan. Elsewhere, she’s mad at best friend Tiffany for kissing her boyfriend Bobby and because of the grounding she can’t go to a big party with all her friends. Life really sucks for her.

Dr and Mrs Mandrakis entrust their two young children to Jill in their frankly massive lakeside house, unlike the first film this one is in the middle of nowhere. Jill explores, tries on jewellery, plays with various gadgets and yaks with her friends on the phone.

After a while, weird calls begin and Jill starts to wig out; Tiffany drops by to make amends; Rosa the housekeeper seemingly disappears and the house alarm keeps going off…

Eventually, the creep factor wins over and Jill pleads with the cops to trace the call – guess where it’s coming from? Before long she and the kids are on the run from the maniac…

* * *

Three stars each? Each?

Yes. Woah, hold it with that claw-hammer, let me explain…

When I first saw When a Stranger Calls and its superior MFTV sequel (the best of the bunch), I always thought they should remake it and base it all on the opening torment rather than skip off down X-years-later-he-comes-back lane.

In the ’79 film, the mid-section is pitifully dull. There’s a brief catch-up on the case when the cops learn Duncan has skipped the asylum and then largely nothing happens for about an hour.

What differentiates When a Stranger Calls from the other slasher films of the era is that we get to know Curt Duncan a little. He speaks, he’s fairly lucid and the film even dredges up some sympathy for his sad, pathetic weirdigan life, whereas the antagonist of the redux is your same-old same-old shadowy loon.

In the end, his resolution is to track down Jill and her own family and torment her. This makes the last ten or so minutes quite tense although nowhere near as good as the opening act.

The film deflates in the centre. Dewhurst, as Tracy, Duncan’s new play-thing of sorts, has little to do other than smoke cigarettes and act pissed off in the dank bar she frequents. It’s really, really boring.

Walton improved on it greatly in the 1993 follow-up, which brought back Kane, this time mentoring Jill Schoelen’s traumatised college girl, who went through an identical experience.

The 2006 remake is what I’d call horror for girls. That’s not meant to be derogatory, I know plenty of girls who love horror but this film and I’d also say the wretched Prom Night remake appear to be directed point blank at young teenagers with an excess of girl-themed subplotting and are positively anorexic when it comes to genuine horror. Let’s re-brand it horror for 12-year-old girls.

So I got my wish to some extent, Stranger 2006 is all about the babysitter’s torment. And it began so wonderfully with a nicely done credits sequence in which we hear calls plaguing a girl we don’t see while a carnival sparkles, jingles and over-stimulates kids in the foreground.

It’s a genuinely well done scene but serves to unfurl the whole calls-are-coming-from-inside-the-house USP which comes later and is therefore an entirely redundant plot development. We know the calls are going to be coming from inside the house because you’ve showed us the killer was inside the other house!

Camilla Belle also seems to struggle under the weight of being the only real character. Everyone else is a bit-parter and how Brian Geraghty (playing a high schooler despite being born in 1975) manages to get second billing from his less-than five minutes on screen is a mystery.

It’s not that this Jill is unsympathetic but the script gives her little to work with at some points. When the killer makes a run for the kids she doesn’t spring into action like Laurie Strode would have. Therefore, she loses some likeability points.

What murders there are all occur off camera: the sitter and three kids we assume bite it at the start are never seen at all and the non-white live-in maid may as well have offed herself and Tiffany was always going to croak for ‘betraying’ Jill by kissing Bobby – GASP! How COULD she!? See? It’s the Sweet Valley High of horror. Less the spooky-ass twins though.

The film seems at odds with itself over whether to become a slasher film. In hindsight, it should’ve. The house drama should’ve been cut in half and then the killer would come after Jill, killing some of her annoying friends and really giving her something to gripe to her dad about.

The children, cute as they are, have no lines other than whimpering and squealing. Their names aren’t even mentioned until the credits roll and yet the actors’ names still appear in the opening credits!

Nevertheless, Simon West shows some flair as a director here and there, keeping The Stranger’s face hidden effectively and capturing the house in some unsettling moods but you can just picture the studio execs chanting “tone it down” ad nauseum until the horror stayed well on the scale and I’d imagine that more thought went in to what clothes they put Belle in and what products could be flashed on screen above and beyond actually making it scary.

This is a difficult one; the opening twenty minutes of the first film is sensational but also sensationally undermined by just how boring it becomes thereafter. The new film gets points for doing what I wanted it to but panders so cringingly to its desired demographic that as a male adult it’s hard to derive more than short-lived pleasure from. Be careful what you wish for indeed: there’s only so long I can watch a girl wander round a house calling out names, evidenced by the length prologue and pointless last-minute shock attempt.

Stick it in a box-set with Prom Night and some random girly sleepover movie. Carol Kane’s performance swings it, the original wins. Bang the gavel. Disconnect the phone.

Blurbs-of-interest: Fred Walton also directed April Fool’s Day. Carmen Argenziano was in Graduation Day and Identity; Rutanya Alda appeared in several horror films in the early 80s including Girls Nite Out and Amityville II. Katie Cassidy appeared in remakes of Black Christmas and A Nightmare on Elm Street and was also in Harper’s Island; Brian Geraghty was in Open House.

Remake Rumble: And may all your Christmases be Black…

Less a Face-off, more a comparative analysis between the original and its – ugh – remake/reimagining/reboot/whatever (…delete as applicable), some I liked, some I loathed and some I somehow preferred to the original!

blackchristmas5 Stars  1974/18/98m

“If this picture doesn’t make your skin crawl…it’s on TOO TIGHT.”

A.k.a. Silent Night, Evil Night / Stranger in the House (TV)

Director: Bob Clark / Writer: Roy Moore / Cast: Olivia Hussey, Keir Dullea, Margot Kidder, John Saxon, Andrea Martin, Marian Waldman, James Edmond, Douglas McGrath, Art Hindle, Lynne Griffin, Michael Rapport.

Body Count: 6

Dire-logue: “Darling…you can’t rape a townie.”

Outside of the horror buff realm, as far as most people are concerned, Halloween is wholly responsible for taking what Psycho had and turning it into what Friday the 13th was. Of course there’s no point arguing this, there are about a gazillion possible films and filmmakers whose auteur style may have influenced the later films that finally chiselled the slasher movie shaped cookie-cutter into place, but in terms of the North American market, one film that was so cruelly overlooked for many a season was Bob Clark’s ’74 masterpiece (and it truly is), Black Christmas


A simple paragraph of the synopsis might fool you into believing this flick could’ve been made anytime in the 80s and called something like Christmas Co-Ed Sorority of Blood or something: the girls on Belmont Street are being tormented by bizarre and random phonecalls, in which one or more voices scream obscenities and threaten to kill them. Some think it’s a frat joke, others are unnerved. Unbeknownst to the residents of the sorority, the calls are being made from the attic where a mystery stalker is hiding, sneaking down to commit murders before each new call.

At the centre of it all is Jess (Hussey), who is melancholy having found out she is pregnant, much to the joy of her highly-strung boyfriend Peter, but Jess has decided on an abortion. Her friend Phyl (Martin) is understanding; Barb (Kidder) is more often than not drunk and housemother Mrs Mac is too busy hiding her own alcoholism. After their friend Claire disappears, the police are finally involved and tap the house phone to see if they can figure out a connection between the calls and the vanishing…

black christmas 1974 margot kidder olivia hussey andrea martin lynne griffin


*2006/15/81m  3 Stars

“Let the slay ride begin.”

Director/Writer: Glen Morgan / Cast: Katie Cassidy, Michelle Trachtenberg, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Andrea Martin, Oliver Hudson, Kristen Cloke, Lacey Chabert, Crystal Lowe, Robert Mann, Dean Friss.

Body Count: 17

Dire-logue: “I’m really not okay with any of this. I mean – buying a present for a serial killer?”

In the sad-eyed days of “let’s remake everything,” nothing is sacred and so it was no surprise that the 2006 emergence of this film, “from the makers of Final Destination,” took everything that was engaging and scary about the original and over-explained it all to the point of rendering everything the exact opposite of scary.

The Delta Alpha Kappa sorority house was once the home of the Lenz family who, we learn through flashbacks, were dysfunctional and abusive: mom gave birth to Billy, whose skin was yellow for no apparent reason and a few years later she and her boyfriend murdered her husband and buried him under the house. Some years after that, she became pregnant with Billy’s child-sister, a girl called Agnes, who Billy attacked some Christmases later, pulling out one of her eyes and murdering mom and step-dad in the process before being carted off to the looney toons bin.


Billy breaks out on Christmas Eve and returns to the sorority to kill all those who live there who are, of course, numerous nubile college girls, far greater in number than in the original. As disappearances graduate to decapitations and eye-plucked slayings, the girls and their housemother, Ms Mac (played by Andrea Martin from the original), find all escape attempts thwarted and eventually have to fight back…

* * *


So, there’s no real competition of merits here – the original film is leagues ahead of the remake in almost every department (save for body count and bloodletting); but it’s interesting to take a look at the two side by side (as I did over the last few days in fits and starts).

Black Christmas ’74 is a slow burner; an intensely creepy affair with an accent on performances, characterisation and the general cloud of dread that hovers above Belmont Street after the disappearance of sweet-natured Claire Harrison (Griffin). Her sorority gal-pals do all they can to try and aid her helpless father in finding out what’s happened to her, all the while dealing with their own problems – Jess’s pregnancy, Barb’s alcohol abuse and Phyl’s seasonal cold. When the cops finally connect the dots and discover the killer has been in the house all along, only Jess remains, forced to decide between walking out the front door to safety or going back for her friends.


This decision is at the core of Black Christmas ’06, which gets straight in on the action with a girl – also named Clair (sans ‘e’) – ‘disappearing’. In fact, she’s murdered before the actress playing her gets to utter a single word! Out with the slow burn, in for the kills! Set entirely on one night (bar flashbacks), and condensed down to a fleeting 81 minutes, the girls start dropping like fumigated flies; along with the flashback victims, staff at the institute from where Billy escapes… The cops have no presence here until it’s all over: the girls are stuck at the house, believing the killer to be outside. They receive precisely two vaguely obscene calls and spend the rest of their time bitching at each other before having their eyeballs ripped out.

Perhaps it could be read as a cultural or social experiment: the ’74 girls are all there for one another (even Barb), almost always polite and drawn as real people, whereas their modern day counterparts hardly get along at all, make snide comments, refuse to join in with festivities and largely think only of saving their own skin. Only Kelli is deemed worthy of survival; she has a fraction more of a ‘story’ than the other girls – something about coming from a small family – and is the first one to refuse to leave without finding their missing friends.

black christmas 2006 katie cassidy

Even the lesser roles in BC ’74 are rewarding, from the guy who directs Mr Harrison to the sorority to dim-witted Sergeant Nash, who falls for Barb’s Fellatio-phone-exchange gag without ever realising what it means! Claire’s worried dad is also well drawn, from his initial concerns over the type of influence the sorority environment has over his daughter to his keeling over with shock at the end.


Because the original film pre-dated the accepted conventions of the genre it helped usher in, there’s no standardised finale for Black Christmas ’74; Jess does not meet the killer for more than a few seconds and never sees his face. In the update, Kelli, along with Clair’s older sister Leigh (Cloke) and her wayward boyfriend Kyle confront the killer together and there’s a drawn out struggle that continues once the survivors are transferred to hospital. However, Kelli’s gusto as the final girl is flawed by her lack of presence: she doesn’t ‘stand out’ like Jamie Lee Curtis or Amy Steel – she’s merely the one who’s still alive at the end, more a fault of the violence-obsessed script than Katie Cassidy’s fine performance.

The first film is infamous for its open ending. In fact most slasher movies attempt an infamous parting word but most pale when compared to the we’ll-just-never-know imprint left by the unresolved mystery of the film. BC 2006 attempted to overcompensate for this by fully describing the killer’s (Billy) upbringing, his psychosis and then showing him repeatedly throughout the film before revealing that an obvious second killer is his incestual sister-daughter Agnes (curiously played by a bloke), their names decided upon from the only names uttered by the caller from the original film. Many fans have pondered the backstory based on what was said down the phone by the lunatic and, it seems, Glen Morgan has decided to take it all literally.


Coming from “the makers of Final Destination” means that there are a lot of joins between the two: items and objects fall into doorways and prevent security gates from closing, strategically placed icicles fatally skewer unwitting victims and there are even a few cast members carried over. It’s too easy to be cynical about the remake age destroying what horror could be squeezed out of some situations but, as usual, cellphones don’t work efficiently, the police can’t get to the house for two hours and far more time is spent casually observing product placement than building tension of likeable characters we don’t want to see dead. Maybe that’s what you get from having sixteen producers, as well as a choice of alternate endings and cuts that vary from region to region (the UK version had a completely different finale).

The best way to view the remake of Black Christmas is to detach any thoughts of it actually being a remake: you’ll only be angry with it. On its own, the newer film is a fun slasher flick that, while never boring, has next to no credibility but a good cast roster of familiar faces and a great defibrillator denouement. The 1974 film is neo-perfect, a scary story on film if ever there were; great characters that we care about (remember that, when we used to care about slasher film kids?), Margot Kidder, John Saxon and Olivia Hussey too; one of most intensely delicate murder scenes ever witnessed (we’re talkin’ ’bout the kids choir soundtracking a killing occurring elsewhere in the house) and a premonition of slashers’ future…?


The many blurbs-of-interest: 1974: Olivia Hussey played Norma Bates in Psycho IV: The Beginning, and had a cameo in Ice Cream Man; Margot Kidder was in The Clown at Midnight; John Saxon was later in A Nightmare on Elm Street‘s 1 and 3, Tenebrae, Welcome to Spring Break and The Baby Doll Murders; Marian Waldman was also in Phobia; Lynne Griffin was in Curtains and made an appearance in 2023’s Thanksgiving; Keir Dullea was in Blind Date 2006: Katie Cassidy was also in remakes of When a Stranger Calls and A Nightmare on Elm Street and also TV-slasherama Harper’s Island; Kristen Cloke was in the original Final Destination; Crystal Lowe was in Children of the Corn: Revelation, Final Destination 3 and Wrong Turn 2; Mary Elizabeth Winstead was also in Final Destination 3 and Tarantino’s botched wannabe-slasher Death Proof; Lacey Chabert later had the lead role in shoddy SyFy flick Scarecrow; Oliver Hudson was in Scream Queens; Director Morgan and producer James Wong were involved in the first and third FD films. Bob Clark was executive producer on the remake.