Tag Archives: slasher

Less is more

vengeance part 2 bloodlines 2022

VENGEANCE PART 2: BLOODLINES

2.5 Stars  2022/108m

“Legends are worth dying for. Family is worth killing for.”

Director/Writer: Jason Brooks / Cast: C.J. Graham, Thom Mathews, Darcy DeMoss, Kelly Tappan, Sanae Loutsis, Morgen Johnson, Jason Brooks, Tom McLoughlin, Rob Mello, Tamara Glynn, Richie Ramone.

Body Count: 36


A follow-up to the 2019 fan filmBloodlines brings back the sisters Jarvis, still looking for their pop, while Elias Voorhees spurns Jason on to keep killing, well, everybody.

Meanwhile, a couple of devotees (including Jason Lives director McLoughlin) abduct the younger sister for… why? I don’t know, I was having a hard time decrypting what was going on in this one. Anyway, Tommy turns up, possibly running straight from or to the set of Never Hike Alone 2, and everybody fights.

Also back for more is Darcy DeMoss, who apparently survived having her head smushed into the wall of an RV, as part of a bachelorette party that’s caught up in a traffic jam that Jason crashes, tearing up dozens, dozens, of schmucks by smashing their heads in doors, throwing spears, machetes, using drumsticks, his bare hands etc, etc.

Amusing and well done as some of these kills are, like before, they just go way too far in both number and violent excess, with heaps of nameless characters running around the woods before they’re disembowelled with little to no suspense. Dare I say it gets… boring?

Another actress from a Halloween sequel rocks up and I lived up to my psychic destiny be saying aloud a second before she did when asked: “You grew up here, didn’t you?”; “No, I grew up in Haddonfield.” Word for word. Then she dies, obvs. And one of the Ramones is here!?

But at least these guys are doing something. Part 3 awaited.

Blurbs-of-interest: Rob Mello was also in both Happy Death Day films; Darcy DeMoss was also in Return to Horror High; Tamara Glynn was in Halloween 5; Thom Mathews was also in Final Summer.

Nottie Knocks

natty knocks 2023

NATTY KNOCKS

1.5 Stars  2023/95m

Director: Dwight Little / Writer: Benjamin Olson

Cast: Bill Moseley, Charlotte Fountain-Jardim, Thomas Robie, Noen Perez, Danielle Harris, Channah Zeitung, Robert Englund, Amit Sarin, Jason James Richter, Will Murden.

Body Count: 5


Dwight Little turned out what’s commonly regarded as one of the better Halloween sequels with 1988’s The Return of Michael Myers, and then the following year a slasher version of The Phantom of the Opera. So when you see his name alongside actors Danielle Harris, Bill Moseley, and crucially Robert Englund, you’d be forgiven for expecting something pretty damn special.

Alas, Natty Knocks is an endurance test from start to finish.

At Halloween, 1976, a group of angry housewives decide to take revenge on the titular local B-movie actress and town ho, who’s bedded all of their husbands and, they believe, practices witchcraft. As she burns in a shed, she screams that she’ll be back for revenge.

natty knocks 2023

47 years later – finally, not a multiple of five! – hard-up teens stealing copper to hawk for cash inadvertently spy a man ragging on a teenage girl through a window. When the girl is reported missing, they second guess their initial assumption of a domestic, but don’t want top get themselves in trouble. Eventually, teen babysitter Britt learns of this and goes to the cops. But the cop that she goes to is the assailant, who spends his time watching Natty’s movies projected on to a sheet.

After an hour, during which there’s only been one kill, things start to happen, but it’s so muddled and rudderless it’s almost impossible to tell what’s going on. Characters who previously seemed to have only the most vague connections to others are revealed to live with them, there’s a demon that appears behind doors, some people are abducted and forced to watch the B-movies. Why? I dunno, some possession thing so she can return to life. It really wasn’t clear.

natty knocks 2023 robert englund

With a victim count of just three, there are around 6-7 characters milling around at the end, and no real sense of closure to anything. So much time is spent around this bizarre copper-theft plan, that there’s almost no time remaining when the main act should be in full swing, and things fizzle out disappointingly.

A waste of talent.

Blurbs-of-interest: Both Englund and Harris are in Urban Legend together, and both Harris and Moseley are in Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet together; Englund played Freddy Krueger in eight Elm Street movies, and is also in HeartstopperBehind the MaskHatchet, and The Phantom of the Opera. Danielle Harris was also in Camp DreadChromeSkull: Laid to Rest 2The Town That Dreaded SundownSee No Evil 2Hatchet‘s 2-4, and four different Halloween instalments. Moseley was also in Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and Texas Chainsaw 3DHome Sick, and Silent Night Deadly Night 3.

[INSERT CARVING JOKE]

thanksgiving 2023 eli roth poster

THANKSGIVING

4 Stars  2023/18/106m

“There will be no leftovers.”

Director/Writer: Eli Roth / Writer: Jeff Rendell / Cast: Patrick Dempsey, Nell Verlaque, Rick Hoffman, Jalen Thomas Brooks, Milo Manheim, Addison Rae, Tomaso Sanelli, Gabriel Davenport, Jenna Warren, Karen Cliche, Joe Delfin, Amanda Barker, Tim Dillon.

Body Count: 12


Being from a country that doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving, it’s a little alien to me, pieced together from Saved by the Bell holiday specials, Friends episodes, tales of brawling families and, finally, Eli Roth’s Thanksgiving slasher feature, which comes a whopping sixteen years after the mock trailer he created for Grindhouse (and which, let’s be honest, was the best thing about that project).

Thanksgiving has been a curiously overlooked public holiday in the slasher cannon, with, by my count, only 1980’s Home Sweet Home and 83’s Blood Rage making any ado about it – though I remember someone telling me about a film called ‘Thankskilling’, but maybe that was bullshit.

Roth has always been a bit hit and miss for me, but he shines here, revelling in the nostalgic echoes of early 80s every-holiday-is-a-kill-fest template, and having a bloody good time with it. Emphasis on bloody. He described the movie as a 2023 reboot of what that old trailer would’ve been for, allowing freedom to explore more contemporary themes. Namely: Black Friday.

thanksgiving 2023

Shit a brick and fuck me with it, is the scene that starts this movie accurate? Greedy small town store owner Thomas Wright (the always fun Hoffman) decides to open his joint for the Black Friday madness on Thanksgiving, rather than at midnight, and give away a free waffle iron to the first 100 customers. Crowds gather and get impatient: pushing, shoving, swearing.

When Wright’s daughter Jessica lets five of her friends in through the employee entrance and a couple of them mock those waiting from inside the store, a crush ensues, resulting in shattered glass as hordes of selfish lunatics flood in. Three people die in the madness, including store manager Mitch’s wife (a Gina Gershon cameo).

thanksgiving 2023

One year later (of course), Jessica’s boyfriend Bobby, whose pitching career was ruined by an injury sustained in the carnage, returns after a year ghosting the others, but she’s now going out with the slightly sketchy Ryan (My Bloody Valentine love triangle sighted off the bow) and the six friends involved begin to receive vaguely threatening Insta messages from ‘John Carver’, the town’s Pilgrim figurehead, which coincide with locals who were involved in the riot being offed by an axe-swinging wacko in a mass-produced John Carver mask.

While Jess worries, local Sheriff (Dempsey) leads the charge to locate the killer, and the classless idiots who trampled over dying people for reduced housewares continue to get attacked with electric knives, table top power saws and, in the most ‘ouch’ moment from the concept trailer, a cheerleader on a trampoline bounces down on to a blade that pierces through beneath her.

thanksgiving 2023

Elsewhere, some good chase scenes play out that bring back sweet memories of Prom Night, one of which wrings a great deal of tension in its simplicity, and things culminate in a Happy Birthday to Me-recalling Thanksgiving dinner, with the surviving targets confronted by their sins, and ‘dinner’ is served.

Roth crams a lot into Thanksgiving, recreating almost all of the scenes from his trailer, dropping some subtle clues as to the killer’s identity here and there, and offing people in gruesome ways: One poor uninvolved schmuck is skewered through the head by a parade float, a scene which also recalls Sarah Michelle Gellar seeing the Fisherman everywhere in I Know What You Did Last Summer.

Just a fun slasher movie from start to finish (although the tagline more of a mission statement than a fact).

thanksgiving 2023

Blurbs-of-interest: Canadian mini-icon Lynne Griffin appears as Grandma in the first scene, having been in the original Black Christmas and also Curtains back in the day. Patrick Dempsey was in Scream 3.

“This shit ain’t cool!”

final summer 2023

FINAL SUMMER

2 Stars  2023/83m

“In 1991, Camp Silverlake opened for the final time.”

Director/Writer: John Isberg

Cast: Jenna Kohn, Charlie Bauer, Wyatt Taber, Charlee Amacher, Myles Valentine, Jace Jamison, Ren Farbota, Ricardo Whitehead, Joi Hoffsommer, Thom Mathews.

Body Count: 11

Laughter Lines: “This whole thing just kinda feels like a horror movie; the whole let’s split up and search for the missing kid in the woods.”


Ode to Friday the 13th begins with a double murder at Camp Silverlake in 1986, then leaps five years where the accidental death of a child (named Mason!) during a nature hike is the final nail in the coffin of the camp’s fortunes, but also the lives of the counsellors.

As they prep to close down for good, a stalker in a skull hood begins axing them one by one. Is it the child’s distraught father, who happens to be a troubled ex-employee? The killer from ’86? Or someone else?

Ultimately, the killer’s identity is blaringly obvious, although Isberg attaches additional revelations and an evident tribute to the source material.

The kitten-weak maniac falls over a lot, drops his weapon (nobody ever picks it up despite ample opportunity), fails to finish off several of the counsellors, and cuts a particularly unthreatening figure.

final summer 2023

Elsewhere, there’s lots of wandering around in the dark with flashlights, a blue hue over everything, occasional references to Jason, and a couple of creepy shots here and there, but regrettably it’s too insubstantial. The film appears kneecapped by its budget, evidenced in a string off off-camera kills, slow, clunky fight scenes, and unresolved questions, such as who the killer in the prologue was. A post-credits scene hints at something, but it’s still all too murky.

Thom Mathews appears for a matter of minutes as the local Sheriff, and look out for the bizarre Tom Atkins ‘cameo’.

Killing Time

totally killer 2023

TOTALLY KILLER

4 Stars  2023/105m

“Murder is so 1987.”

Director: Nahnatchka Khan / Writers: David Matalon, Sasha Perl-Raver, Jen D’Angelo / Cast: Kiernan Shipka, Olivia Holt, Julie Bowen, Lochlyn Munro, Charlie Gillespie, Troy L. Johnson, Kelcey Mawema, Stephi Chin-Salvo, Anna Diaz, Liana Liberato, Ella Choi, Jeremy Monn-Djasngar, Nathaniel Appiah, Jonathan Potts, Randall Park.

Body Count: 7

Laughter Lines: “Let’s give it up for Angie, who wishes there were more people killed.”


Happy Death Day took the time-loop from Groundhog Day and put a masked killer in the mix; Freaky took the body swap from Freaky Friday and switched a teenage girl with a hulking psycho killer; and now Totally Killer takes the time machine from Back to the Future and throws a teen-hunting wackadoo at it.

Slasher films have been entrenched in an inflexible straitjacket of rules and tropes since forever, so this recent advent of pilfering major plot elements from big films and staple-gunning a teen slasher opus to it has made for a welcome mini-cycle of inventively comical ways to keep the genre from being stuck in its own loop of recycled motifs.

totally killer 2023

In the requisite suburban town of Vernon, 35 years have passed since the unsolved Sweet 16 Murders occurred: Three teen girls slain over a short period. Jamie’s mom Pam (Julie Bowen from Modern Family) was the only member of the clique not to meet the business end of a knife and has remained anxiously on edge ever since.

On Halloween night, Jamie revolts and heads off to a concert, leaving Pam to be attacked and killed by the maniac. Devastated, it’s a very fortunate coincidence that Jamie’s best friend Amelia is building a time machine in an old photobooth for her science fair project – and it works! Well, it works when the killer attacks Jamie and the action of the knife blade penetrating the device gives it the jolt required to zap the girl back to 1987, on the eve of the first murder… So far, so Marty McFly.

totally killer 2023

Intent on stopping the killer and thus saving her mom in the future, Jamie tries to blend in and befriend The Molly’s, a Mean Girls crew made up of the victims – and dear ol’ mom, all of whom are your typical John Hughes era rich bitches, along with their vapid boyfriends. Jamie tries to explain the situation to the cops, but as they’ve not yet seen Back to the Future, the concept is lost on them. Instead, Amelia’s mother Lauren, who first drew up the plans for the time machine, is instantly onboard.

While Lauren works out what they need to do to return Jamie to the 2020s, she continues to shadow the teen versions of her parents, the future high school principal, coach, sheriff and various others. Preventing the murders proves difficult though, as time just bends around her and changes it up, rewriting the future as it goes. Interestingly, characters in 2022 are able to sense the changes, with Sweet 16 Killer Tour Guide Chris seeing the adjustments manifest as Jamie runs interference in the past. A helpful ‘time is happening all at once’ explanation makes sense of all this, and is kinda zen.

totally killer 2023

Jamie manages to convince the others she’s psychic rather than explain the time travel thing, and the friends band together to try and trap the killer before he wipes the rest of them out, resulting in a great finale inside one of those Gravitron fairground rides where you pretty much get pinned to the wall of the spin dryer.

The plot was criticised for being too similar to The Final Girls, where a girl essentially time travels back to save her mother, although acting like that was the first film to build itself around this idea is about as productive as pointing out how much that one had to copy from Friday the 13th in order to function. The entire genre liberally steals from its contemporaries and just bends things to fit.

totally killer 2023

Maybe not quite as fun as Freaky, but definitely top tier inside it’s burgeoning sub-sub-genre. It’s a Wonderful Life has already been co-opted and changed to It’s a Wonderful Knife for the end of 2023, doubtlessly scattering other producers to hunt for tried and tested plots that they stir a dead teenager template into. Can’t wait.

Blurbs-of-interest: Liana Liberato was in Scream VI; Lochlyn Munro was also in The Tooth FairyFreddy vs JasonScary MovieHack!, and Initiation.

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