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Into the dark / Out of the closet

into the dark midnight kiss 2019

INTO THE DARK: MIDNIGHT KISS

2.5 Stars  2019/89m

“They came to slay.”

Director: Carter Smith / Writer: Erlingur Thoroddsen / Cast: Augustus Prew, Scott Evans, Ayden Mayeri, Lukas Gage, Chester Lockhart, Adam Faison.

Body Count: 4


Into the Dark is a Hulu-produced horror anthology show with different feature-length scary tales each episode. This second stab at a slasher yarn (the first being School Spirit) opted to side-step from the usual bouncy teens set into the lives of a group of gay friends who take the chance to stay in their rich friend’s pad in Palm Springs for New Year’s Eve 2019-2020.

Unfortunately for them, a fetish-masked mystery loon has decided to send them each cryptic notes before slashing and choking them to death, starting with the obligatory shower kill. But wait, the character conventions have been flipped, so we’re in for some equal opportunity objectification and are provided with a hot muscular guy for a change.

Doubtlessly, narrow-minded types threw their remotes in disgust at the ensuing scenes of men kissing other men (though betcha bottom dollar they wouldn’t have objected to excess girl-on-girl) as the guys and their token straight female friend resurrect a NYE game known as Midnight Kiss, where they each must find a stranger to share a consensual tongue-war with, and then all other relationship restrictions are binned for the night.

into the dark midnight kiss 2019

Struggling artist Cameron is slightly out of sorts due to his controlling ex Joel’s over-celebration of his engagement to twinky Logan, who is largely inexperienced. Flamboyant Insta-gay Zachary wants to check out what he thinks will be a better party elsewhere, and Hannah is slowly getting peeved that she is the perpetual hanger-on with few options to pick up guys if they only ever go to gay venues.

Midnight comes and goes and the group go back to the fancy house to wind down, where the killer reappears and chases Cameron around for a while, until the inevitable unmasking, which marks the tripping point for Midnight Kiss, as the motive comes down to little more than the killer’s ego being bruised because one of the group kissed him seven years earlier and, well, that was it.

midnight kiss 2019

While production assets are fine, the episode just suffers from being flaccid, thrill-wise: Hot nude guys can only entertain for so long, and with few murders occurring (though the Sorority Row revisited one is neat), we’re left with a bit too much dialogue and too little action, plus a revelation that ultimately leads nowhere and is unresolved by the time the credits roll. Hellbent did it better.

Jason and the Boys

A lot is made about final girls here, there and everywhere, but less so about final boys, who are a rarer creature.

In terms of the biggest slasher franchise, quite a few young men have actually made it out intact alongside the Ginnys, Chrises, and Trishes. Yup, let’s pay tribute to the Final Boys of Friday the 13th

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paul holt john furey friday the 13th part 2 1981

Paul Holt (John Furey)

Does Paul survive Jason’s debut rampage at the counsellor training camp in Part 2? Who knows? Nobody it seems, almost 40 years on there’s been no definitive answer. Rumours that John Furey walked off the set before he could shoot his final scenes have since been denied by everyone involved, so it’s likely it will remain a legend, Ginny …a legend.

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tommy jarvis corey feldman friday the 13th the final chapter 1984

Tommy Jarvis (Corey Feldman)

Nobody with a Y chromosome definitively survived Friday the 13th‘s Parts 13 and it’s therefore quite interesting that the first male to escape death at the hands of the J-man (or his mom) was a 12-year-old. Hmm.

Horror freak and hobby crafty Tommy – reportedly an homage to make-up king Tom Savini – is quick to suss out a way to fool Jason, thus saving his sister and himself from the business end of a machete.

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tommy jarvis john shepherd friday the 13th part v a new beginning 1985

Tommy Jarvis 2.0 (John Shepherd)

Some years after the events of The Final Chapter, a still traumatised Tommy is sent off to a youth clinic where a ghoul in a hockey mask begins laying waste to the other residents. In spite of his demons, Tommy has clearly found the time to put in a lot of work at the gym. Despite being the lead, Shepherd mutters only 22 words over the course of the whole film.

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reggie shavar ross friday the 13th part v a new beginning 1985

Reggie the Reckless (Shavar Ross)

A visitor to the Pinehurst clinic of A New Begininng, Reggie is a bright spot in this much-hated entry: A sassy little kid, possibly a proxy for younger Tommy, who takes on the “mystery killer” with a construction vehicle, but also serves to get manhandled a lot so Tommy, or heroine Pam, can attack the killer as they free him.

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tommy jarvis thom mathews friday the 13th part vi jason lives 1986

Tommy Jarvis 3.0 (Thom Mathews)

Mathews took over the role for Jason Lives an unspecified amount of time after Part V‘s events, though I tend to see most timelines put him around age 25. Figuring that the only way to banish Jason from his head once and for all is to burn his corpse, he inadvertently ends up resurrecting him and, actually, being responsible for the scores of murders that follow over the ensuing films. Way to go, Tom.

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nick kevin blair spirtas friday the 13th part vii the new blood 1988

Nick (Kevin Spirtas)

Party guest at his cousin’s failed surprise birthday bash in The New Blood, Nick rebuffs the come-ons of bitchy Melissa to fall for telekinetic girl-next-door Tina, who has just resurrected Jason from his watery grave. He doesn’t do a whole lot to help put him back, but of the Crystal Lake FB’s he’s easily the one you’d never get bored of staring at.

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sean scott reeves friday the 13th part viii jason takes manhattan 1989

Sean Robertson (Scott Reeves)

If you and your graduating class got a celebratory cruise to New York City, would you really want to go on your dad’s vessel? No, but Sean is a good son who can’t live up to pop’s expectations, but is forced to take the captain’s role when Jason bloodlessly hacks his way through everybody else on the ship.

Nod also to Toby the dog, who survives the carnage!

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steven freeman jon d. lemay jason goes to hell the final friday 1993

Steven Freeman (John D. LeMay)

Unwitting nephew-by-marriage of Jason Voorhees, Steven also has no clue he’s a father until his ex rocks back into town with their baby, just as a resurrected-through-other-bodies Jason is also planning a homecoming, culminating in a fierce battle for the soul of the surviving members of the Voorhees bloodline to send Jason to hell. He’s one of the few characters ever to wear glasses and not die (although he loses them part way through).

LeMay is notable for having played a different role in the unrelated Friday the 13th TV series.

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tsunaron chuck campbell jason x 2001

Tsunaron (Chuck Campbell)

Intergalactic student from the year 2455, Tsunaron’s survival in Jason X is a bit of an afterthought as, unlike most other final guys in the franchise, he’s neither related to nor romantically involved with the final girl, and kind of just happens to be in the right place at the right time. His love for android Kay-Em might qualify I guess, as she technically survives, albeit as a decapitated robot head.

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will jason ritter freddy vs jason 2003

Will Rollins (Jason Ritter)

Institutionalized Springwood teen Will exists on a diet of Hypnocil and refusing to deny the truth of Freddy Krueger. But when his love Lori finds herself at the centre of Jason’s reign of terror – orchestrated by Krueger – Will breaks out to rescue her, and the two of them end up as the last kids standing in the crossfire of their battle.

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clay miller jared padalecki friday the 13th 2009

Clay Miller (Jared Padalecki)

Supernatural star Padalecki had already done House of Wax and Cry_Wolf before landing the role of lead guy in the 2009 Friday reboot, which sees him frantically searching for his missing sister, Whitney, employing the help of Crystal Lake vacationer, Jenna, while following clues and discovering the legend of Jason Voorhees is true!

Well done guys, you all made it! Except maybe you, Paul : /

“Scream 4”

final stab 2001FINAL STAB

3 Stars  2001/18/78m

“Last one alive wins.”

A.k.a. Final ScreamScream 4

Director/Writer: David DeCoteau / Writer: Matthew Jason Walsh / Cast: Melissa Renee Martin, Jamie Gannon, Erinn Carter, Chris Boyd, Bradley Stryker, Laila Reece Landon, Forrest Cochran, Michael Lutz, Donnie Eichar, Scott Hudson, Brannon Gould, Britt Soderberg.

Body Count: 10

Laughter Lines: “Why don’t you go find a phone, some help at a nearby farmhouse, or a fucking tampon?”


I wrung some enjoyment from this cheapo cash-in that was marketed as Scream 4 in some territories.

Trash director DeCoteau takes on the post-modern slasher trend that has more in common with April Fool’s Day than it does Wes Craven’s films, putting rich college kids in an abandoned mansion with a bloody history.

Kristen (Carter), the self-confessed “Queen bitch of deception” plans on driving her estranged-sister’s unhinged boyfriend off the deep end by staging a murder mystery evening. Expectedly, her plans are hijacked by a real killer – identically dressed, of course – starts to do away with the players one by one.

The usual cliches come thick n’ fast, most repeated the victims assuming the killer is the actor employed by Kristen (who was a Skeet Ulrich-a-like!) and the olde thinking bodies are their buds playing dead.

DeCoteau inserts his signature homoerotic sequences, with one guy parading about in a pair of very small, very tight shorts, and a secret fling between two of the ‘straight’ male characters. Nearly all victims are cute college guys, while the largely empowered female roles are occupied by Kristen, her naive sis Angela, a the shallow, dopey other girl/victim.

Mucho film title dropping and a motive that amounts to “I like horror movies” are where the Scream comparisons start and end, with a few explanations as to the ‘rules’, but ultimately it’s a cheaper, less amusing Cut, but a fun one if you catch it in the right mood.

Blurbs-of-interest: Brannon Gould was in Maniacal; DeCoteau’s other slasher credit is Dreamaniac.

Doctor Death

surgeon1994THE SURGEON

2 Stars  1994/18/96m

“First Jason… Then Freddy… Finally, a professional.”

A.k.a. Exquisite Tenderness; Clinic

Director: Carl Schenkel / Writers: Patrick Cirillo & Bernard Slowe / Cast: Isabel Glasser, James Remar, Sean Haberle, Peter Boyle, Malcolm McDowell, Charles Dance, Beverly Todd, Charles Bailey Gates, Walter Olkewicz, Mother Love.

Body Count: 8


What a cast! How could it go wrong? It can’t …right?

A doctor secretly working on a breakthrough serum that would end physical suffering is fired for his experiments on the patients, goes mad, and returns to take revenge on the people responsible for shutting him down. It’s up to nosy docs Glasser and Remar to put a stop to the carnage before it’s too late.

Not too much going on in the way of thrills and there’s precious little slashing to be seen, plus the killer’s identity is revealed too soon into the movie, robbing it of a possible extra twist – and so we’re left with a slick but standardised medical thriller, the only original remaining plot feature of which is the killer’s ability to overcome his injuries by injecting himself with his own serum thus making him invincible. There’s also full frontal male nudity, courtesy of Dexter’s dad Remar.

As far as hospital slashers go, Cold Prey II and Halloween II are yet to be beat.

Blurbs-of-interest: McDowell later played Dr Loomis in Rob Zombie’s Halloween re-thingies, was also the sheriff in Silent Night and a weird neighbour in Mischief Night; Walter Olkewicz was in Milo.

10 Final Boys We Like

Final Boys are never going to be as awesome as Final Girls, hence we don’t love them like we love Final Girls. But these guys did quite well with the job at hand…

devon-sawa-fd1Alex Browning (Devon Sawa)
Final Destination (2000)

High school inbetweener Alex is thrust into the shoes of Final Boy-dom when he has an out-of-the-blue premonition the flight he and his French Club will explode minutes after takeoff. Saving himself and six others doesn’t make him the hero, but instead, as he puts it “everyone in my school thinks I’m a freak.”

Perhaps not being a straight-up slasher film is what allows three of the five Final Destination films to work with a male lead. Sawa’s Average Joe is appealing because of the way he teeters between both social groups and his own sanity.

Death-valley-1982-movie-1Billy (Peter Billingsley)
Death Valley (1982)

Just as Danielle Harris would become the pre-teen final girl in the later Halloween sequels, little Milky Bar kid Peter Billingsley was the unlikely hero of strange way-out-west slasher flick Death Valley, when a family vacation is foiled by him literally meandering into a murder scene, finding a trinket the killer wants, and finding himself stalked by said loon in pursuit of it.

Billingsley was already an accomplished child actor by the time he was in this (and also older than he looked) and so isn’t cursed by overacting and, even better, lacks the brattiness usually on show when kids are front and center.

elm4-300xJesse Walsh (Mark Patton)
A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)

Jesse’s family move into 1428 Elm Street five years after Nancy Thompson lived there and he soon finds his dreams invaded by Freddy, who wants to possess him and turn him into an agent of death.

Freddy’s Revenge could well be the most analysed slasher film of the 80s, and Jesse is commonly seen as a repressed gay, whose body Freddy wants, and only a kiss from a girl can save him etc… If you watch the awesome documentary Never Sleep Again, Mark Patton is a little embarrassed by his performance but, if nothing else, at least they tried something new rather than just retread the original film, and he’s an important part of that, thus fully deserving his place here.

burning-alfredAlfred (Brian Backer)
The Burning (1981)

Included more out of relevance than respect, Alfred was possibly the first final boy in a big screen slasher. At Camp Stonewater, he’s the nerdy misfit, who spies on girls while they shower, plays weird pranks, and whines a lot. He’s also the only one to suspect someone is prowling around the peripheries of the camp. Naturally, nobody believes him until he finds a couple of dead bodies and proves it.

The Burning is already quite a misogynistic outing before shoving aside the notion of a final girl and putting Alfred into the role instead. He’s essentially saved by the hunky male counsellor, as would a girl in the same situation it seems, meaning his gender is far more incidental as he adds nothing that a girl wouldn’t. None of this is the fault of Backer, however, who put in a great performance as Mark Ratner in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

tumblr_m6yz8w2VUd1r9wksko1_400Alex Grey (Tim Conlon)
Prom Night III: The Last Kiss (1989)

Another Alex and quite similar to his Final Destination namesake. This Alex, a sub-Ferris Bueller type in both looks and attitude, has a hot girlfriend but no direction until he somehow becomes the boy toy of undead Prom Queen from hell Mary Lou Maloney. For a while, she improves his social standing no end, but once a hell bitch, always a hell bitch…

Prom Night III‘s comic-horror baseline works well for Conlon’s likable schtick as the put-upon hero: He’s witty and funny, being pulled in two directions, one by an angel, the other by the devil.

hellbent-shining_0Eddie (Dylan Fergus)
Hellbent (2004)

The ‘first gay slasher film’ featured a masked muscle man scything gay chaps around West Hollywood during Halloween night celebrations, when everyone is in costume and a hot guy in nothing but tight pants and a horned mask won’t rouse suspicion.

At the center of the mania is civilian police employee Eddie, who just wants a decent night out with his friends, all of whom soon start falling victim to the loon. Usual hetero conventions are simply flipped in this case, and Eddie runs and hides with veritable Jamie Lee gusto, saved at one point by the virtue of having a false eye!

wolf-creek-2-03Paul Hammersmith (Ryan Corr)
Wolf Creek 2 (2013)

British surf bum Paul is minding his own business when he’s embroiled in a nightmare of Mick Taylor’s making, stopping to rescue a girl who has escaped the bushman’s clutches for long enough to make it to the road. After she’s killed, Paul has a target on his back and Taylor will stop at nothing to reclaim his victim.

Both Wolf Creek films feature male sole survivors, although the first one has little to do with anything the guy does, and Paul is put through all the usual torture that final girls endure: Everyone he approaches for help is killed, he’s captured, strapped to a chair, tortured (by song and weapon), escapes, but does that thing where he scuppers the opportunity to finalise the killer’s exit from this mortal coil… So much for all those who say final boys would be better. And the British character lived! Whoop!

Weston-in-Wishcraft-michael-weston-12955368-608-336Brett Bumpers (Michael Weston)
Wishcraft (2001)

High school dork Brett receives an enchanted bull’s dick through the mail with a note saying it grants three wishes, which he eventually discovers to be true. Meanwhile, classmates of his are being picked off by a cloaked killer. Are the two connected? Duh.

The rise of the nerd theme in Wishcraft is satisfying on its own, even though Brett isn’t initially in any danger, he’s soon forced into combat with the unmasked killer and, with one wish left, ascends to hero level pretty quickly.

Andy-Barclay-chucky-5551046-700-383Andy Barclay (Alex Vincent/Justin Whalin)
Child’s Play 1-3 (1988-1992)

Poor Andy Barclay cannot rid himself of final boy duties no matter what he does. As the first human to discover the secret of possessed Good Guy doll Chucky, Andy is thus the only one who can be a vessel for the killer’s soul. After surviving round one, a new foster home cannot provide shelter in Child’s Play 2, and even a military academy provides no refuge in the third film…

Unlike Billy in Death Valley, hero duties could only go to a child in this franchise, and Vincent did extremely well with the material, even better was his cameo in Curse of Chucky. He’s at his best in Child’s Play 2 with the assistance of a teen foster sister who fulfills the legwork and screaming quota.

tommyTommy Jarvis (Corey Feldman/John Shepard/Thom Mathews)
Friday the 13th Parts IV-VI (1984-1986)

In The Final Chapter, Tommy Jarvis is just a monster-loving kid who has the bad luck of living by Crystal Lake and ends up – with big sister Trish – bringing down Jason who, by that point, had murdered a good 30 schmucks over the previous few days. In A New Beginning, Tommy is older, traumatised by what happened and sent to a halfway house where a hockey-masked psycho goes to task chopping up his new friends. In Jason Lives, an undecided amount of time later, Tommy returns to Crystal Lake to burn Jason’s corpse, but ends up accidentally resurrecting him and spends the rest of the movie trying to undo his error.

While Feldman as the horror-nut was a logical move to ‘end’ the series on in 1984, Thom Mathews is easily my favourite incarnation of the character, a complete 360 on Shepard’s brooding portrayal, Tommy ’86 is like a totally different guy, replete with comic timing and a touch of slapstick to his ever-doomed attempts to stop Jason.

But, in terms of final boys through history, the name Tommy Jarvis is probably at the top of the tree.

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