Category Archives: Valley of the Cheapjack Franchises

Valley of the Netflix Events: Fear Street

fear street books

 

Premier YA horror writer R.L. Stine’s Fear Street books were given a witchy Netflix slasher overhaul for a three-week, three-movie event in July of 2021 – here’s how it unfolded…

fear street 1994 2021

FEAR STREET: 1994

2.5 Stars  2021/18/108m

“Face the evil.”

Director/Writer: Leigh Janiak / Writers: R.L. Stine, Kyle Killen, Phil Graziadei / Cast: Kiana Madeira, Olivia Scott Welch, Julia Rehwald, Fred Hechinger, Benjamin Flores Jr., Ashley Zukerman, Jeremy Ford, Maya Hawke.

Body Count: 8


I read some Point Horror when I was younger, but had never heard of Fear Street – although R.L. Stine’s name was well known in the Young Adult chiller territory. Thus, I wasn’t able to comprehend the excitement when this Netflix trilogy was announced (having been shot in 2019 and intended for a theatrical release but delayed due to Covid). It’s no problem, there’s been plenty of horror I’ve been alien to that’s turned out fine. Rather big spoilers follow.

Beginning with a good throwback to 90s slasher conventions with the now-standard stalking and slashing of a teenage girl (seriously, when will it be a guy?), this time caught as she’s closing up for the night at the mall bookstore she works in. The scene is fun and nostalgic for its era, but sadly it’s also where 1994 peaks.

fear street 1994 2021 maya hawke

Credits tell us that the town of Shadyside, where the crime occurred (six other bodies are found at the mall) has a long bloody history of residents flipping out and embarking on killing sprees – from a milkman in 1950, to a girl slashing up her friends with a razor in ’63, the Camp Nightwing murders of ’78, and now this.

Downbeat local teen Deena has more important issues to deal with though. Her alcoholic father is never around and the love of her life, Sam, has defected to neighbouring town Sunnyvale, which is the Eagleton to Shadyside’s Pawnee, if you watch Parks & Rec. Pretty much a case of the haves and have-nots.

fear street 1994 2021

News of the murder is shocking but not too surprising for the teen contingent, including Deena’s friends Katie and Simon, and also her nerdy younger brother Josh. It’s all rumoured to be because of a witch, Sarah Fier, who cut off her own hand 300 years earlier before locals hanged her, possessing the minds of random locals into intermittent homicidal rages. As the local rhyme goes:

Before the witch’s final breath
She found a way to cheat death
By cutting off her evil hand
She kept her grip upon the land

But it’s all just folklore right? You’d think, but when Deena inadvertently causes a car accident trying to exact some petty revenge of Sam, the latter bleeds on the land and has a vision of the witch and, subsequently, the skull-masked mall killer who was shot dead at the scene reappears and begins slashing anew, taking out some hospital staff. 60s maniac Ruby Lane then reappears and tries to slash Simon a new one, and finally the Camp Nightwing maniac bursts into the present, swinging a lethal axe about.

fear street 1994 2021 kiana madeira olivia scott welch

The group work out the killers are all after Sam’s blood and do their best to protect her – yes, her, Fear Street serves us up two lesbian final girls. While the all-knowing local Sheriff clears up the mess left by the killers, the teens commandeer a supermarket in an attempt to temporarily kill Sam, then resuscitate her to break the curse… Remember, they’ve not seen Final Destination 2 in this reality yet.

I was sixteen in the summer of 1994 and so have strong memories associated to the sad-panda teen years. While there’s an AoL chatroom and all manner of MTV hits from the likes of Garbage, Sophie B. Hawkins, Portishead, and Bush, that’s about as nostalgic as it gets. The teens not having cellphones is the only other tell tale sign of the times. Marco Beltrami’s score does successfully lend a Screamie throwback to events though.

fear street 1994 2021

The pacing is also awkward, after the opening kill, there’s a long, long wait until anything horror-related happens again and the murder sequences come in short blitzes, leaving the film vulnerable to tedious drama, as Deena mopes about her relationship issues, and the group very slowly concoct their plan. An impressive chase-and-kill involving a bread slicer is harsh and also too little too late. But the main problem for me lay with the uninteresting or simply unlikeable characters.

I should note I was recovering from Covid the week this came out, so maybe I was tripping on meds.

*

FEAR STREET: 1978fear street 1978 2021

4 Stars  2021/18/111m

“Find the truth.”

Director/Writer: Leigh Janiak / Writers: R.L. Stine, Phil Graziadei, Zak Olkewicz / Cast: Sadie Sink, Emily Rudd, Ryan Simpkins, McCabe Slye, Ted Sutherland, Chiara Aurelia, Gillian Jacobs, Kiana Madeira, Benjamin Flores Jr., Michael Provost, Drew Scheid, Jacqi Vene, Sam Brooks, Jordana Spiro.

Body Count: 11


At the end of 1994, Deena and Josh have subdued a possessed Sam and seek out help from the survivor of the Camp Nightwing massacre, ‘C. Burman’, who lives a paranoid, secluded existence with her dog in Shadyside.

We flashback to the summer of ’78 – when I was born, coincidentally – where a summer camp unites the snobby Sunnyvalers with the born-losers from Shadyside, who are aware of the curse that hangs over them, even if they don’t take it particularly seriously.

fear street 1978 2021

At the centre of this is Ziggy (the flame-haired Sink, from Stranger Things), who is repeatedly tormented by the nasty girls of Sunnyvale, who call her the witch. Ziggy’s older sister, Cindy, is a counsellor this summer, and strives for perfection in everything she does, much to the annoyance of her younger sister, and ex-BFF Alice, who is the requisite drugs-n-sex character we’re sure will be killed off early into proceedings.

Unlike Deena, Ziggy’s unapproachable, foul-mouthed nature is excused by the treatment of her by other campers, who are unrelenting in their torment and even try to hang her from the very tree Sarah Fier was lynched from 312 years earlier. Nevertheless, she attracts the eye of Nick Goode, future Shadyside sheriff, and plots a reaction prank on nasty Sunnyvale ringleader Sheila.

fear street 1978 2021

When the camp nurse, who happens to be the mother of the infamous 1963 killer, Ruby Lane, randomly attacks Cindy’s all-American boyfriend Tommy with a knife, she is overpowered and taken away. Looking for an explanation, Cindy finds an old diary amongst the nurse’s things, which is snatched up by Alice who, with her boyfriend Arnie, leads Cindy and Tommy into the surrounding woods to find what remains of Sarah Fier’s house. There, they locate a sub-basement with a still-burning candle and stones with the names of history’s killer etched into them …including Tommy’s.

Tommy is soon possessed, buries an axe into Arnie’s face, and narrowly misses the girls, who escape through a gap into a subterranean maze of tunnels that branch off from an icky blob that beats like a heart. While they try to find an escape, Tommy marches back to camp, axe in hand, and begins offing Shadyside staff and campers (as Sunnyvalers are seemingly immune to the curse).

fear street 1978 2021

Ziggy tries to rescue Sheila, who she locked in an outhouse after dumping a bucket of bugs over her, and locates Cindy and Alice trapped in the cave below the camp. The three girls band together to try and reunite Sarah Fier’s severed hand with the rest of the body, which will reportedly end the curse for good – but of course, various killers are spewed out by the blob-thing in the caves and do their best to thwart any attempts the girls make to set things right.

1978 is a vast improvement over 1994, with more and better characters, a pace and tone that doesn’t shift as jarringly, and great realisation of the summer camp locus – which, let’s be honest, was always going to be a winner for me. The trio of final girls works as a cross-section of good girl, bad girl, and rebellious girl, who get things done while the menfolk flail or fail. The kill scenes feel more at ease with the slasher conventions than before, are brutal without being excessive, and several times they recapture that Crystal Lake early-years feeling perfectly, right down to the music cues.

fear street 1978 2021

The legend of the witch also gets the attention it lacked in the first film, where it was treated more as a bit of a convenient background element. It makes sense to ramp it up as the films head towards the origin-third, but it’s deservedly front and centre in 1978, whereas it felt like something of an afterthought in 1994.

*

fear street 1666 2021

FEAR STREET 1666

3 Stars  2021/18/115m

“End the curse.”

Director/Writer: Leigh Janiak / Writers: R.L. Stine, Phil Graziadei, Kate Trefry / Cast: Kiana Madeira, Ashley Zukerman, Gillian Jacobs, Olivia Scott Welch, Benjamin Flores Jr., Darrell Britt-Gibson, Jeremy Ford, McCabe Slye, Julia Rehwald, Fred Hechinger, Sadie Sink, Emily Rudd, Jordana Spiro.

Body Count: 17

Laughter Lines: “Little grease and these things go down easier than a Sunnyvale cheerleader.”


Deena reunites Sarah Fier’s severed hand with the rest of her remains and experiences everything she did through her eyes, waking up in 1666 as Sarah Fier – able daughter in the small settlement of Union (where Camp Nightwing and then the mall will later sit). Her attraction to the preacher’s daughter Hannah lands them in trouble when horny aggressor Caleb is rebuffed and later accuses the pair of witchcraft after Hannah’s father gouges out his own eyes and those of twelve village children, including Sarah’s brother.

She manages to flee for a while into the home of Solomon Goode and it’s revealed that he is the one who has made a deal with Satan for prosperity in return for a possessed soul every few years. After a chase, he succeeds in severing her hand and turning her over to the townsfolk, who hang her when she confesses in order to save Hannah.

fear street 1666 2021

Zipping back into 1994 and armed with the truth that the Goode family are in fact evil, Deena recruits Josh, Ziggy, and mall custodian Martin (seen briefly in the first film) to entrap Sheriff Goode and end the curse for good.

The finale takes place back where we started at Shadyside Mall with some sub-Home Alone style traps and Ziggy’s plan to “Carrie” Goode and let the reanimated killers of yore do the rest. Of course, things are complicated when a still feral Sam gets free and chases Deena into the cave system beneath the mall. But there’s a great gag with a stab-vest made from taped together YA horror books and a full, satisfying conclusion.

fear street 1666 2021

1666 lacks the slash element of the first two for the most part, but necessitates the origins of the tale to dovetail everything nicely – we only really spend about an hour in that period and actors from the other films play characters here for a neat consistency. The feminist leanings around the puritan-era’s ease in blaming a woman for the crimes of a man being exposed are great and it really is girl power that drives this train from start to finish, also allowing Deena’s character some redemption from the unpleasant attributes she was saddled with in 1994.

fear street 1666 2021 kiara madeira

1978 is the clear winner though, given the advantage of not having to yield to either a long set-up or climax, it had the larger canvas to draw over and a more fun sandbox to play in.

What is also worth mentioning is that Netflix went the extra promo step of setting up retro Shadyside Video Stores in various cities, including Brighton, where I was able to browse shelves of old VHS horror tapes and reach into the rustic toilet for a bag of freebies.

fear street shadyside video pop-up brighton 2021

fear street shadyside video pop-up brighton 2021

Blurbs-of-interest: Drew Scheid (Gary in 1978) was in Halloween (2018).

Valley of the Cheapjack Franchises: JACK FROST

jack frost 1996

JACK FROST

2.5 Stars  1997/18/86m

“He’s chillin’ …and killin’!”

Director/Writer: Michael Cooney / Writer: Jeremy Paige / Cast: Chris Allport, Scott MacDonald, Stephen Mendel, F. William Parker, Eileen Seeley, Rob LaBelle, Zack Eginton, Jack Lindine, Chip Heller, Brian Leckner, Marsha Clark, Darren Campbell, Shannon Elizabeth Fabal, Kelly Jean Peters, Todd Conner.

Body Count: 12

Laughter Lines: “Do something!” / “Like what – teach him how to shoot better!?”


Yes, it’s a killer snowman. It’s two films about a killer snowman. Shot in 1993-94 but not completed until 96 and then released in 97, Jack Frost was intended to have a $30m budget and Renny Harlin in the director’s chair.

Whatever stopped that happening is a mystery, but the final product is a trite but sometimes fairly amusing horror comedy slasher, one of the last before Scream came and changed everything.

Mad serial killer Jack Frost (MacDonald) is being driven across Colorado on route to his execution when the prison transport collides with a truck carrying some weird acid, during a snowstorm. Poor Jack is melted by the chemical, which stores his DNA in the snow, turning him into an abominable snowman who feels fit to take revenge on the smalltown sheriff who caught him. Oh look, said town is located right where the accident happened!

Jack can turn to water and morph under doors n’ stuff, and uses a variety of comical methods to off the locals, including decapitation-by-sled, axe handle down the throat, and an icicle in the head. The Sheriff (Allport) and pals take on Frost with an army of hairdryers in an effort to melt him.

Fun once, but prep your eyes to roll at the relentless assault of lame one-liners. And still better than the Michael Keaton film of the same name that came out in 1998.

*

jack frost 2 revenge of the mutant killer snowman 2000JACK FROST 2: REVENGE OF THE MUTANT KILLER SNOWMAN

1 Stars  2000/15/93m

“He’s icin’ …and slicin’!”

Director/Writer: Michael Cooney / Cast: Chris Allport, Eileen Seeley, Chip Heller, Marsha Clark, Scott MacDonald, David Allen Brooks, Ray Cooney, Tai Bennett, Sean Patrick Murphy.

Body Count: 12

Laughter Lines:”I now pronounce you… totally fucking dead.”


Looking as if it was made on a tenth of the budget of the first, Jack is resurrected as the snowman when scientists spill coffee on his corpse!? He tracks arch nemesis Sam Tiler and wife to a Bahamian island, where it all goes a bit I Still Know What You Did Last Summer with Gremlins-style offspring snowballs thrown in.

Barely a drop of blood and the removal of the brief nudity could probably see the rating dropped to a PG with ease; the gags don’t even hit that so-bad-they’re-good low hanging branch; and the sub-one-dimensional characters are just annoying.

This is one franchise that needed to be microwaved.

Blurbs-of-interest: Chris Allport was in Savage Weekend; Eileen Seeley was in The Baby Doll Murders; Shannon Elizabeth was in Scary Movie; Rob LaBelle was in Wes Craven’s New Nightmare; Stephen Mendel was in Stepfather III.

 

Valley of the Cheapjack Franchises: Stripped To Kill

stripped to kill 1987

STRIPPED TO KILL

2.5 Stars  1987/18/87m

“A maniac is killing strippers. Detective Cody has one weapon to stop him… Her body.”

Director/Writer: Katt Shea Ruben / Writer: Andy Ruben / Cast: Kay Lenz, Greg Evigan, Norman Fell, Pia Kamakahi, Peter Scranton, Diana Bellamy, Tracey Crowder, Debbie Nassar, Lucia Lexington, Carlye Byron, Athena Worthey, Michelle Foreman.

Body Count: 6

Laughter Lines: “I’ve never seen any body jack off a snake before!” / “She’s stressed – I’m giving her a massage.”


The concept of an attractive female cop going undercover as a stripper to smoke out a killer of dancing girls sounds as old as the hills in 2019, but Stripped to Kill was possibly the first film to make use of the cliche. Minor spoilers follow (though the trailer totally gives away who it is anyway).

Reportedly, female director (!) Katt Shea (who played the toilet victim in the previous year’s Psycho III) wanted to explore the artistry of exotic dancers more so than just ogle them – as most of the subsequent films with the very same plot did – and so there’s more character depth going on here than in, say, Slashdance or PrettyKill, with various girls struggling with drugs, ageing, as well as the voyeurs who come to throw bills their way.

When Detective Cody (Lenz) literally runs into a stripper being murdered, she and hunky partner (Evigan) concoct an undercover mission for her: She enters a stripping contest and is given the job of the dead girl at the Rock Bottom club while she investigates the murder and the disappearance of another girl.

stripped to kill 1987

Could it be headphone-wearing weirdo Mr Pockets, who’s always giving the girls paper flowers? Frustrated owner Ray (Fell, of Three’s Company!)? Or someone closer to home? Hmm… Stripped to Kill blunders along a bit lifelessly for the most part, with few stalk n’ slash sequences, but is elevated by the camp-as-tits final act, which shares a fair whack in common with a few other notorious slasher flicks as well as a total lack of political correctness – let’s just say if you wanted The Further Adventures of Kenny Hampson, here it is.

Shea’s attempts to humanize the girls is 50/50 successful – a scene that infers they all look out for one another is nice if fleeting. Star Kay Lenz later complained about the sleazier aspects in the final cut, which pushed the focus to tits and immolation. Watch out for the sarcastic receptionist, Shirl.

*

STRIPPED TO KILL II: LIVE GIRLSstripped to kill ii live girls 1989

1 Stars  1989/78m

Director/Writer: Katt Shea Ruben / Cast: Maria Ford, Eb Lottimer, Karen Mayo Chandler, Marjean Holden, Birke Tan, Debra Lamb, Lisa Glaser, Tommy Ruben.

Body Count: 5


Making its predecessor look like Dressed to Kill, It’s difficult to get your head around this hot mess being written and directed by the same team as the first one, which, while no masterpiece, at least looked decent. Director Katt Shea wrote as she went, with no clear direction, and thus Live Girls is the wretched product.

LA stripper Shady (Ford) has crazy 80s-music-video dreams with lots of dancing that end with vampire-esque razor-mouth kisses, all of which preclude the murders of the other strippers from her club who cameo in each dream.

Limping detective, Sgt. Decker tries to find the killer, falls in love with Shady, and, well that’s pretty much it. It takes forever for more murders to occur and, gasp, it’s the one with the British accent! Who knew!? She loves Shady too, or something. A real damp squib of an effort which, even at 78 minutes, feels like it robs you of an entire day to sit through.

Blurbs-of-interest: Maria Ford was in Slumber Party Massacre III; Karen Mayo Chandler was in Out of the Dark.

Valley of the Mid-Price Franchises: CANDYMAN

Until recently, I’d never really considered Candyman to be a slasher flick – it’s frankly too high-end in both production unities and the overt themes of urban decay and the racial politics of a poor community being basically ignored by the surrounding world. But it’s also about a homicidal loon with a gnarly hook that he uses to shred innocent victims with… Beware spoilers.

candyman 1992CANDYMAN

4 Stars  1992/18/95m

“We dare you to say his name five times.”

Director/Writer: Bernard Rose / Writer: Clive Barker / Cast: Virginia Madsen, Tony Todd, Xander Berkeley, Kasi Lemmons, Vanessa Williams, Dejuan Guy, Michael Culkin, Stanley DeSantis, Gilbert Lewis.

Body Count: 5


I clearly remember trailers for Candyman when it came to the cable movie channels in the early 90s – a hooked hand smashing through a bathroom cabinet. “Ah, just another serial killer thriller,” thought 14-year-old me. Or not.

University of Illinois graduate students Helen Lyle and Bernadette Walsh are looking to publish their research on urban legends, with an apparent emphasis on the myth of the Candyman, a Bloody Mary-esque character who appears if you say his name five times in front of the mirror and then turn out the light, gutting you with his hooked hand. “It happened to my roommate’s boyfriend’s buddy’s girlfriend,” says a student they interview.

Helen finds out about a more recent murder in the (until recently real) projects of Cabrini-Green, Chicago, which is attributed by everyone but the cops to Candyman, and convinces a skeptical Bernadette to go and investigate the locus. They dodge gangs and meet Anne-Marie, the neighbour of the murdered woman, who heard her screaming through the walls. Ruthie Jean had called the cops to report somebody was breaking through her walls but they refused to believe her. Helen discovers that the apartments have been built so that fixed bathroom cabinets serve as access to the adjacent dwelling, which is how Ruthie Jean’s killer gained access to her apartment.

candyman 1992

On a high from this discovery and the belief that a regular murder has been scapegoated off to the legend, Helen goes into investigation overdrive at the cost of her own safety. She and Bernardette are schooled on the origins of the legend by a pompous professor (who returns for the sequel): Candyman was a talented artist from a relatively affluent background who committed the sin of falling in love with and impregnating a white woman. He was attacked, his painting hand cut off and the wound slathered in honey so that he was stung to death by bees, then his body was burned in a pyre.

A young Cabrini-Green resident, Jake, tells Helen of a boy whose genitals were cut off in a public bathroom in the projects. Helen goes with her camera to the toilets where she is attacked by a gang, led by a man who identifies himself as Candyman. The police believe the gang used Candyman’s name to enhance their credibility and this feeds into Helen’s belief that the legend is just that – until she has a strange encounter with a baritone-voiced, hook-handed man in the parking garage, who isn’t happy she disputes the legend.

candyman 1992

Helen wakes up disoriented in Anne-Marie’s bathroom, lying in a pool of blood. She staggers out to find the guard dog decapitated and Anne-Marie hysterical over her missing baby. The two tussle and the cops barge in just as Helen is crouched over the woman, wielding a meat cleaver to defend herself with. Suspected of abducting and killing baby Anthony, Helen secludes herself at home, where she is later attacked by Candyman, who guts Bernadette when she drops by, and frames Helen for the crime, who is then packed off to an asylum.

Candyman certainly doesn’t follow the standard Friday the 13th template of sexy teens being slain by the killer. While the babysitter tale plays like something out of an Elm Street rip-off, the bulk of the film has a lot more to say than the usual sex=death cliches. As one of very few non-white slashers in an American production, Candyman stands out as being probably the first urban-set horror flick, and could easily have been nothing more than a the usual textbook opus of attractive young people being killed one by one, but thanks to Clive Barker’s story (The Forbidden, originally set in Liverpool), there’s far more depth at play.

candyman 1992

The central motif around white people not venturing into Cabrini-Green – seemingly even the cops – has allowed Candyman to sew the seeds of fear throughout the community, reflects the plight of the real neighbourhood, plagued by crime right up until its eventual destruction in 2011, and probably scores of other housing projects across the nation, left to fester. The horror in Candyman is as much from the fears rooted in the reputations of such neighbourhoods as it is the eponymous villain, who doesn’t even appear until halfway through as it is.

Cast member Kasi Lemmons later said it was about taking responsibility for the monsters we create, insofar as the Candyman’s lynching created the demon, but society’s disregard for urban areas and housing projects eventually manifests in areas that the rest of society is afraid of. This is one of very few slasher films where the various levels of text could be written into a hundred different theses exploring the myriad of themes at play. As a piece of entertainment, it is scarier than much of its kin and, miraculously, is yet to suffer the indignity of a remake… but then let’s turn to the sequels, shall we?

*

CANDYMAN: FAREWELL TO THE FLESHcandyman 2 farewell to the flesh 1995

2.5 Stars  1995/18/91m

“Evil comes when you call his name.”

Director: Bill Condon / Writers: Clive Baker, Rand Ravich, Mark Kruger / Cast: Tony Todd, Kelly Rowan, Veronica Cartwright, Bill Nunn, William O’Leary, David Gianopoulos, Fay Hauser, Joshua Gibran Mayweather, Michael Culkin, Timothy Carhart, Matt Clark.

Body Count: 7


The inevitable sequel starts splendidly with pompous writer Phillip Purcel recapping the legend of Candyman, Helen Lyle, and then being dared to test the myth in front of an audience. He’s later assaulted by a young man whose father was possibly killed by Candyman. Purcell then pays for disrespecting the legend in a grimy New Orleans bar restroom. It’s interesting that the opening victim isn’t a nubile young woman for what feels like the first time ever, but a middle-aged British guy. Hey, maybe this won’t suck as hard as everybody says!

candyman 2 1995 michael culkin tony todd

Quite why or how Candyman has switched locus from the Chicago ghetto to the Old Quarter of New Orleans is a mystery – maybe he can be summoned anywhere – but we meet idealistic young art teacher Annie, sister of the man who assaulted Purcell as has been duly charged with his murder. Her mother Octavia (the awesome Cartwright), is counting her remaining days after a terminal cancer diagnosis, and her husband Paul just wants to be there for her.

Annie’s students are curious about the Candyman legend and she tries to prove it’s bullshit by saying his name five times into the mirror. Nothing happens – everyone chills. Then he appears later, guts Paul before her eyes, and pretty much says much of the same garb he said to Virginia Madsen last time.

candyman 2 1995

It eventually transpires that Annie is Candyman’s great-great-granddaughter (or great-great-great), and while her father died trying to put an end to the terror by tracking down the hand mirror that his spirit was originally swallowed up by, Octavia has tried to avoid her children discovering the familial connection at all costs.

To be honest, I wasn’t sure what Candyman’s endgame was in this one, but it didn’t feel like Annie was really in that much danger. Like Helen, she becomes the prime suspect when various people start to lose their insides, although this time someone finally believes her when CCTV is discovered proving that one idiot who did the name thing is gutted by an invisible foe.

candyman 2 1995 kelly rowan

Candyman’s status shifts to a sort of folk hero for this one, which has far less to say on the social divisions – in any subtle way at least – and suffers here and there from evidence budgetary constraints. Todd is still menacing and scary, the grue doesn’t hold much back, and New Orleans always makes for an appealing filmic backdrop. Rowan’s role is limited by its through-the-motions writing, and she doesn’t seem that traumatised by the pretty fucking gory murder of her husband right in front of her.

The biggest issue here is that the film doesn’t move far enough (bar geographically) from the template of the first one, and so feels like a retread.

*

candyman day of the dead 1999

CANDYMAN: DAY OF THE DEAD

2 Stars  1999/18/94m

“Blood is sharper than the blade.”

Director/Writer: Turi Meyer / Writer: Al Septien / Cast: Tony Todd, Donna D’Errico, Nick Corri, Wade Andrew Williams, Alexia Robinson, Ernie Hudson Jr., Mark Adair-Rios, Lupe Ontiveros, Robert O’Reilly.

Body Count: 15


It’s a sharp decline in quality for the third – and to date final – outing for Daniel Robitaille, as the series is dumbed down to little more than a second-rate Elm Street knock off (even featuring an actor from that movie), with bad FX and some dismal acting, as Baywatch alumnus D’Errico is cast as the grown-up daughter of Kelly Rowan’s character from the last film. Which makes her Candyman great-great-granddaughter. With her blue eyes, blonde hair, and whiter-than-white complexion…

Caroline is an artist, aware of her family history, and is talked into proving the legend is fake by saying his name five times before a mirror at an exhibition of Robitaille’s art work. Where that’s been all this time, nobody bothers to explain. Nor do they explain how he’s back after apparently being destroyed at the end of Farewell to the Flesh. These things are, however, the least of the Candyman 3‘s problems.

candyman 3 day of the dead 1999 tony todd

The action has moved again, this time to Los Angeles during Day of the Dead, and Latino culture is front and centre, with Nick Corri’s love interest helping her out after the first murders. There’s a scene where his grandmother makes Caroline talk to an egg, which is then broken into a dish. Admittedly, the extreme close-up of a bee crawling out of it is cool.

Instead of various characters being dumb enough to utter the name, Candyman gets his kicks by killing off Caroline’s friends and acquaintances who say they don’t believe the legend: People are skewered again, a naked woman is stung to death by bees, hook in the mouth blah blah blah, and Candyman takes out nine goths who worship him, all the while telling Caroline to be his victim.

candyman 3 day of the dead 1999 tony todd

Watch out for a cop car scene ripped off from the previous year’s Scream 2, the hilarious dance-shuffle the cop does into the room right at the end, and best of all D’Errico’s little-girl scream when she discovers the first bodies. This was so unbelievably bad I played it a dozen times until I could laugh no more. She also keeps calling Corri’s grandmother ‘A-boiler’ rather than ‘Abuela’.

Tony Todd fortunately got cast in Final Destination the following year, but this is a sad, sad end to a tale that started off so rich with contextual depth. Good for a laugh but cheapo sequels don’t come much more embarrassing than this.

candyman 3 day of the dead 1999 donna d'errico

Blurbs-of-interest: Tony Todd played Bludworth in Final Destination‘s 1, 2 and 5, was in Hatchet and the first sequeliMurders, Jack the ReaperScarecrow Slayer, Candy Corn, and Hell Fest; Xander Berkeley was in Deadly Dreams; look out for Ted Raimi as Billy (the boyfriend in the urban legend re-telling), Rusty Schwimmer (Jason Goes to Hell) as the policewoman, Ria Pavia from Hide and Go Shriek Veronica Cartwright was also in The Town That Dreaded Sundown re-do; Nick Corri was Rod in the original Elm Street and later appeared in Teacher’s Pet under his real name, Jsu Garcia.

Aromatherapy

reeker 2005REEKER

3 Stars  2005/15/87m

“Evil is in the air.”

Director/Writer: Dave Payne / Cast: Devon Gummersall, Tina Illman, Scott Whyte, Derek Richardson, Arielle Kebbell, Michael Ironside, Eric Mabius, David Hadinger.

Body Count: 8

Laughter Lines: “Are you afraid of the dark?” / “No, I’m afraid of psycho desert crackheads who hunt small animals with Dahmer’s garden tools.”


Spoilers in the road ahead. Commencing with a great double-shock opener which gives new meaning to the term roadkill, this strange little film, with echoes of Dead End, the terrible Soul Survivors, and even The Sixth Sense, strands five college kids during a ride share for a desert festival at a seemingly abandoned roadhouse.

The phones are out, nobody’s around for miles, and whomever was there before them was obviously a bit mad – and might still be there. They’re soon joined by Michael Ironside in his enormous RV, looking for his absent wife. Apparent ghosts also appear, though only to us, the characters can’t see them for the most part.

A bad smell fills the air and an incorporeal cloaked figure manifests to start killing everybody one by one with a variety of almost comically oversized and bizarre contraptions, forecast each time by the stench – one poor soul is pulled down into an outhouse toilet, recalling Sleepaway Camp II. The characters fall as expected, leaving the predictable pair to duke it out with their hunter. The blind guy falls back on his other senses to help save the day.

reeker 2005

The twist – obvious to anyone who has seen the aforementioned titles – is nicely realised and elevates Reeker from being confusingly dumb to a little bit smart, wrapping up its loose ends without the need to staple gun on a last second shock.

Going the funny-gruesome route was the right move and there are some genuinely LOL moments from Scott Whyte’s paranoid frat boy, and Ironside is dependably amusing. A pre-Ugly Betty Eric Mabius also turns up as a nasty drug dealer. Watch to the end of the credits to read the disclaimer from the filmmakers calling out critics before they whip up any clever puns on the title to say the movie stinks.

*

NO MAN’S LAND: THE RISE OF THE REEno man's land rise of the reekerKER

2 Stars  2008/18/85m

“Terror lurks between the living and the dead.”

Director/Writer: Dave Payne / Cast: Michael Muhney, Mircea Monroe, Stephen Martines, Valerie Cruz, Robert Pine, Desmond Askew, Gil Birmingham, Michael Robert Brandon, Ben Gunther.

Body Count: 10

Laughter Lines: “Bad smells are nature’s warning.”


Reeker‘s semi-clever twist was clearly enough for creator Dave Payne to forge ahead with a sequel with bits of a prequel to prevent in from becoming a Xerox of the first one. Both play like reverse Final Destination instalments though: The cast members of gorily offed by the blurry Krueger-esque creature, and the high concept FX work is showcased at the end as the event that caused their induction into limbo is revealed.

It’s back to the secluded diner again, with a trio of bank hopeless robbers in the mix, father and son issues between local Sheriffs, and not-so-funny comic relief is inserted to try and thicken and lend depth to the characters, but little of it works after the opening manoeuvre, which veers off in a not so predictable direction.

The ultimate catastrophe is good, but not different enough to that of the first film, rendering it all a bit void. Askew is good as the leader of the rubbish robbers though.

Blurbs-of-interest: Michael Ironside was also in American NightmareVisiting HoursHello Mary Lou: Prom Night IIChildren of the Corn: Revelation, and Fallen Angels; Arielle Kebbell was also in Red Mist; Desmond Askew was in Turistas.

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