LAST DANCE

 1992/18/80m

“An erotic thriller featuring the hottest young dancers, but the prize will go to the sole survivor.”

Director: Anthony Markes / Writer: Emerson Bixby / Cast: Cynthia Stanton, Elaine Hendrix, Kurt T. Williams, Kelly Poole, Kimberly Speiss, Allison Rhea, Erica Ringstrom, Marci Brickhouse.

Body Count: 9

Dire-logue: “Was that your mother I ran over in the parking lot? You should teach her not to chase cars.”

If Angela Lansbury turned up – to visit another of her numerous relatives – Last Dance could easily be mistaken for an episode of Murder She Wrote.

Five sexy female dancers competing for the ironic title of Miss DTV (Dance TV), a launchpad for dancing in music videos and movie roles, are being summarily danced off stage forever by a mystery killer, who could be bitter choreographer Meryll, jilted barman Rick or club owner Jim, who is screwing around with most of the girls. Softcore porn inserts aside, this could easily pass for a lower certificate.

As the killer is finally revealed (and it’s not hard to guess who it is), new-girl/heroine Jamie protests her innocence by whining “it’s not fair!” like a seven-year-old having a tantrum but still manages to defeat the killer with a glitter ball (of course!) until they later return with a Phantom of the Opera facial for another go after Jamie wins the crown, somehow disguising themselves as a busboy, despite gaping scars down their face!

Random, bizarre and so bad you’ll laugh yourself stupid. Stupider. More stupid.

Blurbs-of-interest: Director Markes had already helmed Bikini Island and had also cast Kelly Poole in it. Kimberly Speiss was in Psycho Cop Returns. Elaine Hendrix had some moderate success with roles in Romy & Michele and The Parent Trap remake amongst other things.