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X’s & OAP’s

x 2022 ti west posterX

3.5 Stars  2022/18/102m

“Dying to show you a good time.”

Director/Writer: Ti West / Cast: Mia Goth, Jenna Ortega, Brittany Snow, Martin Henderson, Scott Mescudi, Owen Campbell, Stephen Ure.

Body Count: 8

Laughter Lines: “We’re gonna be rich – feel how hard my cock is.”


It’s a bad thing that Ti West floats out of my mind, but it’s also really good that I forget how good a filmmaker he is, making each film of his I see for the first time a surprise of the best kind. Minor spoilers.

X‘s release just kinda… passed me by at the beginning of 2022 as I was going through a sort of slasher movie fatigue and some five or six months went by since my last new (to me) movie, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre re…whatever it was. Height of summer, a day off, time to leap back in.

Unlike most period-set horror, West actually succeeds in furnishing his films with contemporaneous set pieces and aesthetics that look high-end and genuine. X, set in 1979, carries a lot of TeXas Chainsaw-ian influence as we join a tiny adult film production squad on their way to a farm to shoot their latest movie, The Farmer’s Daughters.

x 2022 ti west cast

Cameraman RJ blabbers continually about being high-brow he can make the film; perky Bobby-Lynne advocates the right to make sex films; Jackson is just enjoying himself after Vietnam; newcomer Lorraine is quiet and seems to be judging it all as smut; and producer Wayne is schmoozing his way along, confident they’re about to make the successor to Debbie Does Dallas. His girlfriend is actress Maxine, who just wants to be a star. (She has an X in her name, eyes peeled).

Home-slash-set for the night is a farm owned by aged couple Howard and Pearl. The crew quickly start making their flick, complete with a book-chick-a-wow-wow soundtrack, as a stranded motorist seeks help from a farm’s nubile daughter and… yeah, sex. Later, after Lorraine says she wants to be in the film, a pissed RJ stalks off to abandon the rest of them and finds Pearl outside the farmhouse. Trying to help her, she gets a bit too tactile and, when he resists, he cops a knife in the neck.

x 2022 mia goth

In true slasher form, the others discover RJ is missing and go looking for him, culminating in a pitchfork-to-the-face, shotgun blast, and death by alligator, with Howard effectively cleaning up after Pearl, who is pretty much horny for hardbodied youngsters. Maxine soon finds herself the last one standing – but are a couple of octogenarians going to fall to easily?

A porno aspect in a slasher film is usually a shortcut for trash, but despite the tits and ass (and actually some dick), this material is largely secondary in X, a plot device to leverage the themes around the horror of ageing flesh and our failing functions as we edge closer to the grave: Pearl’s homicidal streak is borne out of her undesirability, and the ickiest parts of the films come not from the grue, but a scene where Maxine wakes up to find the old lady touching her up in bed. To further compound this fear, Mia Goth played both nubile heroine Maxine and also Pearl. She later finds herself stuck under the same bed while Howard and Pearl make mechanically complicated love on it.

x 2022 mia goth

Better than expected characters also paint a broader picture, as well as a final act that doesn’t drag on forever, although it’s almost an hour before the horror even begins. feels like a proper grindhouse slasher film of olde, the kind of quality Tarantino wanted, but failed to achieve with Death Proof.

I didn’t flat out love it – the murders could have been more imaginative, and I actually liked it more before the horror even began – but it gave it a grubby quality in the end that likely aided its good reviews. West had the prequel, Pearl, ready to go later the same year. Dedication.

x 2022 jenna ortega

Blurbs-of-interest: Ti West had a role in You’re Next; Brittany Snow was in the Prom Night remake; Martin Henderson was in The Strangers: Prey at Night; Jenna Ortega was in Scream (2022) and its 2023 follow up.

Sisters are drillin’ it for themselves

slumber party massacre 2021

SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE

3.5 Stars  2021/87m

“You know the drill.”

Director: Danishka Esterhazy / Writer: Suzanne Keilly / Cast: Hanna Gonera, Frances Sholto-Doulgas, Mila Rayne, Alex McGregor, Reze-Tiana Wessels, Rob Van Vuuren, Jennifer Steyn, Schelaine Bennett, Masali Baduza, Eden Classens, Michael Potter.

Body Count: 13

Laughter Lines: “I can’t believe these dudes are beating us out on being murdered, like honestly, their privilege is ridiculous.”


Another remake? Sigh. Well… yes and no. A cursory overview of the South Africa lensed Slumber Party Massacre would probably have you thinking we’re in for just another go-round of girls in lingerie being drilled, while horny guys peering through windows get it in the back. But there’s more than meets the eye here. Necessary spoilers ensue.

Beginning with a crash course in slasher film cliches, in 1993, gal-pals Trish, Jackie, Diane, and Kim have rented a lakeside cabin at Holly Springs. Trish’s no-good ex Chad turns up, she tells him where to go, he watches the girls dance through the windows and gets power-drilled for his trouble. The killer then enters the building until only Trish remains, and manages to knock him off the dock, where his body sinks into the darkness.

slumber party massacre 2021

22 years later, Trish’s daughter Dana is off on a weekend roadtrip with her friends Maeve, Breanie, and Ashley, as well as Maeve’s lil sis Alix, who has snuck her way along. The girls break down on route and end up having to rent a local lakeside house for the night while they wait for new car parts. Hmm… the house is on the opposite side of the lake to the cabin of blood in the prologue. Coincidence?

slumber party massacre 2021

No. Thirty minutes in, when Alix finds a body outside and puts the pieces together, the other girls whip out weapons and declare they intentionally ended up there to attract Russ Thorn and kill him for good. The rug of prediction pulled out from beneath us, SPM ’21 switches up into a flip reverse opus of the expected: The girls go around the lake to warn five boys who have rented the other residence, but Russ is already at work.

After watching the shirtless guys have a slo-mo pillow fight through the window, a literal murder-in-the-dark scatters the group: The guys stomp out without a plan or try to save the day and largely end up drilled to pieces.

slumber party massacre 2021

By an hour in, the girls succeed in slashing, stabbing, and hacking Russ to pieces, witnessed by the surviving boys, who suspect the girls are hardline feminists, and while they await the police, it seems another killer enters the midst…

A review on IMDb goes:

“A movie on the SyFy channel, which are mostly a male audience, is getting lectured in a bad movie about misogyny.

The killer is a man and this movie makes no sense. Did I fail to mention it has close up shots of men slow motion bathing, which is for feminismgayism empowerment, for a straight male audience?”

Feminismgayism? This guy arrogantly assumes the film (and by extension any film on SyFy) is for straight men. The self-absorbed nature of this comment is pretty much why this movie is the way it is. Idiot.

slumber party massacre 2021

The reversal of the trends does present the ‘straight male audience’ with an ogle-worthy shower scene where Matt soaps up his rock hard abs before being wasted. It’s a direct reflection of what slasher films of olde served up their female cast members, and probably more confronting in its depiction of a very sculpted physique, rather than anything else.

The emergence of the second killer forces the conventions back on the familiar track after the film merrily skewered them up to that point, with some nifty demises for the remaining characters, but a not-so-surprising revelation around who this character is, which the film kinda treats as a gasp-worthy development, but has been seen before in one of the most famous slasher films around.

slumber party massacre 2021 russ thorn rob van vuuren

SPM ’21 is a great companion piece to the original, and perhaps adheres closely with Rita Mae Brown’s original vision. But there’s also a lot of love, with the girls at the start sharing names with their 1982 counterparts, a victim using a very 80s electric guitar to try and fight off the killer in an homage to SPM II. Rob Van Vuuren also gets Thorn’s unique walk and cranial lilt bang on. This is the film the 2019 Black Christmas reimagining wishes it was.

The Truth Hurts

there's someone inside your house 2021

THERE’S SOMEONE INSIDE YOUR HOUSE

3 Stars  2021/96m

“Everyone has a secret to die for.”

Director: Patrick Brice / Writers: Stephanie Perkins (novel), Henry Gayden / Cast: Sydney Park, Theodore Pellerin, Asjha Cooper, Jesse LaTourette, Dale Whibley, Burkely Duffield, Diego Josef, BJ Harrison, Sarah Dugdale, William MacDonald.

Body Count: 7

Laughter Lines: “But now, a moment of silent, unforced, non-denominational prayer.”


Stephanie Perkins’ 2017 YA novel is adapted to film for Netflix as slasher movies become slightly relevant again on the eve of Halloween Kills‘ theatrical release and the incoming fifth Scream movie. It went through a lot of changes from book to film, so some spoilers follow.

Cookie cutter midwestern small town football star Jackson returns to his farmhouse home where nobody is home, finds a ticking egg-timer in the kitchen, ignores it and goes to bed for some rest ahead of a big game. He’s woken by the egg-timer going off next to his head a few hours later and discovers he’s not alone, his truck is gone, and there are photos all over the house showing him beating the crap out of some kid. He’s eventually coerced into a walk-in closet where a hooded killer wearing a mask of Jackson’s face swiftly dispatches him. Shortly before his memorial service, prissy class president Katie is assaulted and killed at the church, a recording of her racist podcast playing in the background.

there's someone inside your house 2021

Transfer student Makani Young (Park, who is great) and her new friends muse on who could be doing it. They casually suspect class misfit Ollie but break the town curfew for a secret party at rich kid Zach’s house, where everyone is coming clean about their pasts to remove themselves from the killer’s hitlist, not a far cry from the Pop Your Cherry party of Cherry Falls. We know from her slowly revealing flashbacks that Makani has something she’s hiding from people, but tonight the killer sets his sights on another friend with a dependency issue.

Makani is attacked next, her secret revealed to everyone by text, but it seems pretty much forgotten by the time the townsfolk hop on down to a corn maze where the killer tries to burn everyone alive. It’s down to the group of friends to rescue their classmates and confront the killer.

there's someone inside your house 2021

Unlike the book, where the killer was revealed uncharacteristically early for one of these tales, they remain a mystery element until the final scenes. The character is different and their motive muddled and confusing, rather than the unsettling rationale of the loon in the book, who just didn’t want other people to have the opportunity to leave the town if he couldn’t get out either.

This change results in the victims going from innocent achievers to the too often featured asshole types the audience won’t care about at all. They’d committed no wrong in the book, which further elevated Makani’s criminal past as worthy of attention. Here, it’s almost taken for granted, whereas the original idea set to imprison the disillusioned teen contingent in lives that go nowhere.

there's someone inside your house 2021

Additionally, the best part of the book – and very meaning of the title! – was the way the killer toyed with the victims’ habitations, which is only recreated during the first murder and Makani’s first encounter with the killer here.

Still, the characterisations of the leads are nicely done, the killer’s identity not too simple to solve, and the early murder set pieces are gruesome and charged with energy.

Blurb-of-interest: William MacDonald was in Hollow Man II.

Valley of the Netflix Events: Fear Street

fear street books

 

Premier YA horror writer R.L. Stine’s Fear Street books were given a witchy Netflix slasher overhaul for a three-week, three-movie event in July of 2021 – here’s how it unfolded…

fear street 1994 2021

FEAR STREET: 1994

2.5 Stars  2021/18/108m

“Face the evil.”

Director/Writer: Leigh Janiak / Writers: R.L. Stine, Kyle Killen, Phil Graziadei / Cast: Kiana Madeira, Olivia Scott Welch, Julia Rehwald, Fred Hechinger, Benjamin Flores Jr., Ashley Zukerman, Jeremy Ford, Maya Hawke.

Body Count: 8


I read some Point Horror when I was younger, but had never heard of Fear Street – although R.L. Stine’s name was well known in the Young Adult chiller territory. Thus, I wasn’t able to comprehend the excitement when this Netflix trilogy was announced (having been shot in 2019 and intended for a theatrical release but delayed due to Covid). It’s no problem, there’s been plenty of horror I’ve been alien to that’s turned out fine. Rather big spoilers follow.

Beginning with a good throwback to 90s slasher conventions with the now-standard stalking and slashing of a teenage girl (seriously, when will it be a guy?), this time caught as she’s closing up for the night at the mall bookstore she works in. The scene is fun and nostalgic for its era, but sadly it’s also where 1994 peaks.

fear street 1994 2021 maya hawke

Credits tell us that the town of Shadyside, where the crime occurred (six other bodies are found at the mall) has a long bloody history of residents flipping out and embarking on killing sprees – from a milkman in 1950, to a girl slashing up her friends with a razor in ’63, the Camp Nightwing murders of ’78, and now this.

Downbeat local teen Deena has more important issues to deal with though. Her alcoholic father is never around and the love of her life, Sam, has defected to neighbouring town Sunnyvale, which is the Eagleton to Shadyside’s Pawnee, if you watch Parks & Rec. Pretty much a case of the haves and have-nots.

fear street 1994 2021

News of the murder is shocking but not too surprising for the teen contingent, including Deena’s friends Katie and Simon, and also her nerdy younger brother Josh. It’s all rumoured to be because of a witch, Sarah Fier, who cut off her own hand 300 years earlier before locals hanged her, possessing the minds of random locals into intermittent homicidal rages. As the local rhyme goes:

Before the witch’s final breath
She found a way to cheat death
By cutting off her evil hand
She kept her grip upon the land

But it’s all just folklore right? You’d think, but when Deena inadvertently causes a car accident trying to exact some petty revenge of Sam, the latter bleeds on the land and has a vision of the witch and, subsequently, the skull-masked mall killer who was shot dead at the scene reappears and begins slashing anew, taking out some hospital staff. 60s maniac Ruby Lane then reappears and tries to slash Simon a new one, and finally the Camp Nightwing maniac bursts into the present, swinging a lethal axe about.

fear street 1994 2021 kiana madeira olivia scott welch

The group work out the killers are all after Sam’s blood and do their best to protect her – yes, her, Fear Street serves us up two lesbian final girls. While the all-knowing local Sheriff clears up the mess left by the killers, the teens commandeer a supermarket in an attempt to temporarily kill Sam, then resuscitate her to break the curse… Remember, they’ve not seen Final Destination 2 in this reality yet.

I was sixteen in the summer of 1994 and so have strong memories associated to the sad-panda teen years. While there’s an AoL chatroom and all manner of MTV hits from the likes of Garbage, Sophie B. Hawkins, Portishead, and Bush, that’s about as nostalgic as it gets. The teens not having cellphones is the only other tell tale sign of the times. Marco Beltrami’s score does successfully lend a Screamie throwback to events though.

fear street 1994 2021

The pacing is also awkward, after the opening kill, there’s a long, long wait until anything horror-related happens again and the murder sequences come in short blitzes, leaving the film vulnerable to tedious drama, as Deena mopes about her relationship issues, and the group very slowly concoct their plan. An impressive chase-and-kill involving a bread slicer is harsh and also too little too late. But the main problem for me lay with the uninteresting or simply unlikeable characters.

I should note I was recovering from Covid the week this came out, so maybe I was tripping on meds.

*

FEAR STREET: 1978fear street 1978 2021

4 Stars  2021/18/111m

“Find the truth.”

Director/Writer: Leigh Janiak / Writers: R.L. Stine, Phil Graziadei, Zak Olkewicz / Cast: Sadie Sink, Emily Rudd, Ryan Simpkins, McCabe Slye, Ted Sutherland, Chiara Aurelia, Gillian Jacobs, Kiana Madeira, Benjamin Flores Jr., Michael Provost, Drew Scheid, Jacqi Vene, Sam Brooks, Jordana Spiro.

Body Count: 11


At the end of 1994, Deena and Josh have subdued a possessed Sam and seek out help from the survivor of the Camp Nightwing massacre, ‘C. Burman’, who lives a paranoid, secluded existence with her dog in Shadyside.

We flashback to the summer of ’78 – when I was born, coincidentally – where a summer camp unites the snobby Sunnyvalers with the born-losers from Shadyside, who are aware of the curse that hangs over them, even if they don’t take it particularly seriously.

fear street 1978 2021

At the centre of this is Ziggy (the flame-haired Sink, from Stranger Things), who is repeatedly tormented by the nasty girls of Sunnyvale, who call her the witch. Ziggy’s older sister, Cindy, is a counsellor this summer, and strives for perfection in everything she does, much to the annoyance of her younger sister, and ex-BFF Alice, who is the requisite drugs-n-sex character we’re sure will be killed off early into proceedings.

Unlike Deena, Ziggy’s unapproachable, foul-mouthed nature is excused by the treatment of her by other campers, who are unrelenting in their torment and even try to hang her from the very tree Sarah Fier was lynched from 312 years earlier. Nevertheless, she attracts the eye of Nick Goode, future Shadyside sheriff, and plots a reaction prank on nasty Sunnyvale ringleader Sheila.

fear street 1978 2021

When the camp nurse, who happens to be the mother of the infamous 1963 killer, Ruby Lane, randomly attacks Cindy’s all-American boyfriend Tommy with a knife, she is overpowered and taken away. Looking for an explanation, Cindy finds an old diary amongst the nurse’s things, which is snatched up by Alice who, with her boyfriend Arnie, leads Cindy and Tommy into the surrounding woods to find what remains of Sarah Fier’s house. There, they locate a sub-basement with a still-burning candle and stones with the names of history’s killer etched into them …including Tommy’s.

Tommy is soon possessed, buries an axe into Arnie’s face, and narrowly misses the girls, who escape through a gap into a subterranean maze of tunnels that branch off from an icky blob that beats like a heart. While they try to find an escape, Tommy marches back to camp, axe in hand, and begins offing Shadyside staff and campers (as Sunnyvalers are seemingly immune to the curse).

fear street 1978 2021

Ziggy tries to rescue Sheila, who she locked in an outhouse after dumping a bucket of bugs over her, and locates Cindy and Alice trapped in the cave below the camp. The three girls band together to try and reunite Sarah Fier’s severed hand with the rest of the body, which will reportedly end the curse for good – but of course, various killers are spewed out by the blob-thing in the caves and do their best to thwart any attempts the girls make to set things right.

1978 is a vast improvement over 1994, with more and better characters, a pace and tone that doesn’t shift as jarringly, and great realisation of the summer camp locus – which, let’s be honest, was always going to be a winner for me. The trio of final girls works as a cross-section of good girl, bad girl, and rebellious girl, who get things done while the menfolk flail or fail. The kill scenes feel more at ease with the slasher conventions than before, are brutal without being excessive, and several times they recapture that Crystal Lake early-years feeling perfectly, right down to the music cues.

fear street 1978 2021

The legend of the witch also gets the attention it lacked in the first film, where it was treated more as a bit of a convenient background element. It makes sense to ramp it up as the films head towards the origin-third, but it’s deservedly front and centre in 1978, whereas it felt like something of an afterthought in 1994.

*

fear street 1666 2021

FEAR STREET 1666

3 Stars  2021/18/115m

“End the curse.”

Director/Writer: Leigh Janiak / Writers: R.L. Stine, Phil Graziadei, Kate Trefry / Cast: Kiana Madeira, Ashley Zukerman, Gillian Jacobs, Olivia Scott Welch, Benjamin Flores Jr., Darrell Britt-Gibson, Jeremy Ford, McCabe Slye, Julia Rehwald, Fred Hechinger, Sadie Sink, Emily Rudd, Jordana Spiro.

Body Count: 17

Laughter Lines: “Little grease and these things go down easier than a Sunnyvale cheerleader.”


Deena reunites Sarah Fier’s severed hand with the rest of her remains and experiences everything she did through her eyes, waking up in 1666 as Sarah Fier – able daughter in the small settlement of Union (where Camp Nightwing and then the mall will later sit). Her attraction to the preacher’s daughter Hannah lands them in trouble when horny aggressor Caleb is rebuffed and later accuses the pair of witchcraft after Hannah’s father gouges out his own eyes and those of twelve village children, including Sarah’s brother.

She manages to flee for a while into the home of Solomon Goode and it’s revealed that he is the one who has made a deal with Satan for prosperity in return for a possessed soul every few years. After a chase, he succeeds in severing her hand and turning her over to the townsfolk, who hang her when she confesses in order to save Hannah.

fear street 1666 2021

Zipping back into 1994 and armed with the truth that the Goode family are in fact evil, Deena recruits Josh, Ziggy, and mall custodian Martin (seen briefly in the first film) to entrap Sheriff Goode and end the curse for good.

The finale takes place back where we started at Shadyside Mall with some sub-Home Alone style traps and Ziggy’s plan to “Carrie” Goode and let the reanimated killers of yore do the rest. Of course, things are complicated when a still feral Sam gets free and chases Deena into the cave system beneath the mall. But there’s a great gag with a stab-vest made from taped together YA horror books and a full, satisfying conclusion.

fear street 1666 2021

1666 lacks the slash element of the first two for the most part, but necessitates the origins of the tale to dovetail everything nicely – we only really spend about an hour in that period and actors from the other films play characters here for a neat consistency. The feminist leanings around the puritan-era’s ease in blaming a woman for the crimes of a man being exposed are great and it really is girl power that drives this train from start to finish, also allowing Deena’s character some redemption from the unpleasant attributes she was saddled with in 1994.

fear street 1666 2021 kiara madeira

1978 is the clear winner though, given the advantage of not having to yield to either a long set-up or climax, it had the larger canvas to draw over and a more fun sandbox to play in.

What is also worth mentioning is that Netflix went the extra promo step of setting up retro Shadyside Video Stores in various cities, including Brighton, where I was able to browse shelves of old VHS horror tapes and reach into the rustic toilet for a bag of freebies.

fear street shadyside video pop-up brighton 2021

fear street shadyside video pop-up brighton 2021

Blurbs-of-interest: Drew Scheid (Gary in 1978) was in Halloween (2018).

Nightlife / Nightdeath

open 24 hours 2018

OPEN 24 HOURS

3 Stars  2018/18/103m

“Welcome to the graveyard shift.”

Director/Writer: Padraig Reynolds / Cast: Vanessa Grasse, Brendan Fletcher, Cole Vigue, Emily Tennant, Daniel O’Meara, Tomislav Stojanovic, Selina Giles.

Body Count: 8


Spoilers in aisle four.

A Canadian production, mostly filmed in Serbia, shrinks things down to a single-location boonies gas station, where recently paroled Mary (Grasse) lands a job covering the 10pm-6am shift as cashier.

Her crime? She set fire to her serial-killer boyfriend, The Rain Ripper, after he offed 35 young women, including several in front of her. Traumatised by this, Mary still suffers from flashback hallucinations that James is coming to get her. “He can’t even walk” says her best friend Deb, reminding her that James is locked up.

If that’s so, who is the rainmacked figure Mary keeps seeing lurking? Who keeps calling her? Who plays the old 50s love song down the phone like James used to before he went out on the hunt for a victim? Her gruff parole officer Tom convinces her she’s imagining most of it, but also cautions her that some of the victims’ relatives blame her for their loved ones’ deaths.

open 24 hours 2018

As the clock ticks away, Mary gets a couple of quirky customers, is checked on by day-employee Bobby, hears doors creaking in the empty market, finds strands of hair in blocked toilets, and a number of hallucinations. Then James shows up and tells her he is real. But… is he?

Yes. To put it bluntly, he has broken out of jail, clearly can still walk, and has somehow tracked her down to the gas station on her first night working there and abducted a few schmucks to kill in front of her – because he loves her. Or something.

Open 24 Hours doesn’t unfold in quite so typical slasher style, with victims captured for killing later when James has Mary where he wants her. The run up to this event is still decent though, making the most of the rain-soaked locus, shots where Mary’s stalker is stood behind her in the frame, but balances delicately along the beam of reality vs. paranoia: Can her mind be trusted?

open 24 hours 2018

In a post Haute Tension world I wouldn’t have been surprised if the twist was that Mary herself was the killer and projecting it all on a not-even-there James, but the film (wisely?) opts for the more acceptably obvious outcome: He’s real, he’s a killer, she’s the final girl. In that sense, Open 24 Hours wraps up to taut girl vs. loon final act that doesn’t pander to too many cliches. A tacked on ‘later’ scene is needless, but it at least assures us that Mary was okay as much as someone could be in that scenario.

A worthwhile effort for fans of nicely made indie-flicks that wring a lot out of a small cast and set.

Blurb-of-interest: Brendan Fletcher was in Freddy vs Jason.

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