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Jason and the Boys

June 23, 2019 Hud Leave a comment

A lot is made about final girls here, there and everywhere, but less so about final boys, who are a rarer creature.

In terms of the biggest slasher franchise, quite a few young men have actually made it out intact alongside the Ginnys, Chrises, and Trishes. Yup, let’s pay tribute to the Final Boys of Friday the 13th…

Paul Holt (John Furey)

Does Paul survive Jason’s debut rampage at the counsellor training camp in Part 2? Who knows? Nobody it seems, almost 40 years on there’s been no definitive answer. Rumours that John Furey walked off the set before he could shoot his final scenes have since been denied by everyone involved, so it’s likely it will remain a legend, Ginny …a legend.

Tommy Jarvis (Corey Feldman)

Nobody with a Y chromosome definitively survived Friday the 13th‘s Parts 1–3 and it’s therefore quite interesting that the first male to escape death at the hands of the J-man (or his mom) was a 12-year-old. Hmm.

Horror freak and hobby crafty Tommy – reportedly an homage to make-up king Tom Savini – is quick to suss out a way to fool Jason, thus saving his sister and himself from the business end of a machete.

Tommy Jarvis 2.0 (John Shepherd)

Some years after the events of The Final Chapter, a still traumatised Tommy is sent off to a youth clinic where a ghoul in a hockey mask begins laying waste to the other residents. In spite of his demons, Tommy has clearly found the time to put in a lot of work at the gym. Despite being the lead, Shepherd mutters only 22 words over the course of the whole film.

Reggie the Reckless (Shavar Ross)

A visitor to the Pinehurst clinic of A New Begininng, Reggie is a bright spot in this much-hated entry: A sassy little kid, possibly a proxy for younger Tommy, who takes on the “mystery killer” with a construction vehicle, but also serves to get manhandled a lot so Tommy, or heroine Pam, can attack the killer as they free him.

Tommy Jarvis 3.0 (Thom Mathews)

Mathews took over the role for Jason Lives an unspecified amount of time after Part V‘s events, though I tend to see most timelines put him around age 25. Figuring that the only way to banish Jason from his head once and for all is to burn his corpse, he inadvertently ends up resurrecting him and, actually, being responsible for the scores of murders that follow over the ensuing films. Way to go, Tom.

Nick (Kevin Spirtas)

Party guest at his cousin’s failed surprise birthday bash in The New Blood, Nick rebuffs the come-ons of bitchy Melissa to fall for telekinetic girl-next-door Tina, who has just resurrected Jason from his watery grave. He doesn’t do a whole lot to help put him back, but of the Crystal Lake FB’s he’s easily the one you’d never get bored of staring at.

Sean Robertson (Scott Reeves)

If you and your graduating class got a celebratory cruise to New York City, would you really want to go on your dad’s vessel? No, but Sean is a good son who can’t live up to pop’s expectations, but is forced to take the captain’s role when Jason bloodlessly hacks his way through everybody else on the ship.

Nod also to Toby the dog, who survives the carnage!

Steven Freeman (John D. LeMay)

Unwitting nephew-by-marriage of Jason Voorhees, Steven also has no clue he’s a father until his ex rocks back into town with their baby, just as a resurrected-through-other-bodies Jason is also planning a homecoming, culminating in a fierce battle for the soul of the surviving members of the Voorhees bloodline to send Jason to hell. He’s one of the few characters ever to wear glasses and not die (although he loses them part way through).

LeMay is notable for having played a different role in the unrelated Friday the 13th TV series.

Tsunaron (Chuck Campbell)

Intergalactic student from the year 2455, Tsunaron’s survival in Jason X is a bit of an afterthought as, unlike most other final guys in the franchise, he’s neither related to nor romantically involved with the final girl, and kind of just happens to be in the right place at the right time. His love for android Kay-Em might qualify I guess, as she technically survives, albeit as a decapitated robot head.

Will Rollins (Jason Ritter)

Institutionalized Springwood teen Will exists on a diet of Hypnocil and refusing to deny the truth of Freddy Krueger. But when his love Lori finds herself at the centre of Jason’s reign of terror – orchestrated by Krueger – Will breaks out to rescue her, and the two of them end up as the last kids standing in the crossfire of their battle.

Clay Miller (Jared Padalecki)

Supernatural star Padalecki had already done House of Wax and Cry_Wolf before landing the role of lead guy in the 2009 Friday reboot, which sees him frantically searching for his missing sister, Whitney, employing the help of Crystal Lake vacationer, Jenna, while following clues and discovering the legend of Jason Voorhees is true!

Well done guys, you all made it! Except maybe you, Paul : /

Lists

The Final Girls Behind the Mask of the Cabin in the Woods… Part II

April 4, 2019 Hud One comment

YOU MIGHT BE THE KILLER

2018/88m

“It’s summer camp, what did you expect?”

Director/Writer: Brett Simmons / Writers: Thomas B. Vitale, Covis Berzoyne / Cast: Fran Kranz, Alyson Hannigan, Brittany S. Hall, Jenna Harvey, Bryan Price, Patrick Reginald Walker, Isaiah LaBorde.

Body Count: 11

Laughter Lines: “Do you party? Drugs? Alcohol?? Caffeine??”

For those who thought Behind the Mask was good, but not sticky enough when it came to the stab-n-drip act, here’s a companion piece that’d make a good viewing buddy along with The Cabin in the Woods for a great night’s horror, featuring Fran Kranz, who played stoner Marty in the latter. A touch of Tucker and Dale and a dollop of The Final Girls is sprinkled in and voila! Minor spoilers ensue.

Kranz is Sam, enthusiastic head counsellor at Camp Clear Vista, who runs bloodied through the woods and barricades himself in a cabin and calls… Alyson Hannigan. No Willow super powers available, as she is Chuck, comic book store employee and walking horror culture almanac who would likely give Randy Meeks a run for his money and a raging hard-on for her.

Chuck (“exposition is my middle name!”) is well-versed in how ‘these situations’ play out so asks Sam to describe the killer: “Ugly, ugly dude,” “Freddy ugly, or Matt Cordell ugly?” See? Flashing back to a couple of days earlier and greeting the new counsellors, then on to the grue, Chuck is quick to deduce a few things and put it to Sam: “Are you sure you’re not the killer?”

YMBTK unfolds in an interesting non-linear way, two-thirds of the way through the wooden-masked loon’s murder spree, and Sam stays on the line with Chuck to try and remember what happened earlier in the night that led to this point and if he is, in fact, the maniac. (He is).

Well… sort of. Further down the road in the backlog of reveals, Sam tells a story to the new counsellors about a cursed woodman who went mad and killed some folks and is buried somewhere nearby. One of the group unearths the wooden mask and puts it on Sam’s face as a joke, which bonds to him and transplants its evil, complete with whispering ‘ki-ki-ki’ sounds that’d make Jason’s ears prick up. It’s the mask that’s evil, not Sam, who protests his innocence as best he can, especially as it seems the last few teens standing are coming to make a pre-emptive strike.

Chuck sums it up best when she says: “Woah, wait a minute, so you’re saying you knew all along that your family’s campground had this creepy history with the evil mask? Not to sound like a broken record, but why the hell did you put that mask on!?”

The murder scene flashbacks get shit done. Seriously, those of us climbing the walls waiting for another Friday the 13th to go back to camp can exhale in afterglow as, not only does the killer resemble early Jason, but the setting ticks all the boxes. These aren’t crappy shacks or tents from fourth-tier Camp Blood-a-likes, Clear Vista is a summer camp, complete with kitchens, a pool, toolshed – everywhere you’d expect someone fleeing Jason to go is found here. Sam hacks, chops, beheads, behands, and drowns the counsellors using a gnarly blade with ‘gator jaws affixed to it.

Despite his resistance to allow the mask to control him, Chuck lamentably advises that he’s gradually painting himself into a corner in terms of his survival: “I think it’s only gonna get worse. I think you’re probably gonna die. I’m sorry, Sam, it’s just… that’s how these things seem to go. On a bright side though, in a lot of these cases the killer comes back in a couple of years, you know, lightning strikes their grave and they’re back from the dead!” Come the end, it’s Sam versus good girl, Jamie, and a couple of not entirely shocking twists, but as Chuck points out, the opus can only end one way.

Genial observations from Hannigan’s character – who never actually shares a scene with Kranz – and all manner of winks and nods to other films (you can’t miss the Mask Maker poster!) make this a delicious dessert for hardcore slasher fans and probably entertaining enough for casual horror bods. Flaws are few, though the counsellor roster are largely undeveloped beyond the point of names for the majority, but this goes beyond the missive to some degree. And I can’t say I love the title, but what else would you call it?

Are they any other ways to skewer the conventions? Probably one or two (I skimmed over a contender but the production values were so dire I couldn’t embrace the masochism), but few will shine as brightly and merrily as this.

Reviews

“His name was Johann…”

November 10, 2018 Hud 2 comments

CAMP DEATH III IN 2D

2018/85m

“The most horrible good movie ever!”

Director/Writer: Matt Frame / Cast: Dave Peniuk, Angela Galanopoulos, Darren Andrichuk, Emma Docker, Chris Allen, Starslie Waschuk, Terry Mullett, Cynthia Chalmers, Gerald Varga, Hans Potter, Katherine Alpen, Andrea Bang, Niall King, Jason Asuncion.

Body Count: 18

Laughter Lines: “First the murders, then that whole Jewish angle that didn’t work!”

80s homages are everywhere right now, from Stranger Things to Summer of 84, and the slasher movie has been no exception. This parody recalls the likes of Student Bodies, Pandemonium, and National Lampoon’s Class Reunion. And like those movies, it’s catered to a particular taste.

For a lot of its 85-minute runtime, Camp Death III in 2D plays out like a Benny Hill skit, with characters zipping all over the place at increased walking pace. Though I grew tired of this long before the end, fortunately the production qualities of this $35,000 CAD movie are comparably high and there are just about enough decent gags for a once over, but, as with any parody, an equal distribution of terrible ones as well.

Camp Crystal Meph is being reopened three years after the last in a never ending series of murders courtesy of Johann Van Damme, the off-the-shelf masked loon with Mommy issues. Hopeless optimist Todd Boogjumper has opted to open it to a group of outcasts and misfits, much to the chagrin of his ever-furious profanity-spouting uncle Melvin.

Naturally, Johann rocks up and begins eliminating the campers stabbing them, burning them, or, in one pretty funny scene, using a toaster to bombard them with slices of cooked bread. Some campers are dumb enough to accidentally off themselves or each other as well.

Most of the cast members are listed as coming up with ‘story ideas’, which lends to the uneven comedy throughout – it’s more like a series of skits by a comedy troupe loosely strung together by occurring at the same location, and not all jokes relate to Friday the 13th lore or basic slasher movies clichés. By the end things have gotten really wacky, with a Santa costume, a talking head on a drone, and the most annoying thing ever – a microphone too close to an amplifier.

Entirely down to any individual sense of humour but worth a once over.

Reviews

TGI Friday (the 13th): Ahh… memories

July 13, 2018 Hud Leave a comment

People are aware of the irony that Donald Trump chose to visit the UK on a Friday the 13th, right? Hope Jason is there to greet him at Heathrow.

The very first time I ever saw any semblance of Friday the 13th was Halloween 1989 from a motel room in Florida, it was actually a trailer, splicing together the campfire tale from Part 2 and this shot from The Final Chapter:

A few years later when I was of age and sat down to watch the movie after midnight, I was surprised this didn’t occur, nor did it occur in Parts 2 or 3. Oddly, I saw all other seven Paramount films before finding a copy of The Final Chapter.

TGI Friday!

Slashionista

June 21, 2018 Hud Leave a comment

It took a good 20 years, but people finally cottoned on that I kinda like slasher movies, so ensuing birthdays have resulted in some garments to be proud of.

My wardrobe, everybody… Be forewarned – I don’t iron.

I love my Haddonfield High Class of ’78 t-shirt. Though someone recently pointed out Laurie would’ve been Class of ’79. Cheers, Paul.

My friend Kevin picked me up the awesome Abbey Road one, which nobody where I work can get their head around. Lonely life.

My newest (left) and my oldest: The Japanese VHS artwork on a stretchy fabric and super comfortable.

College roomie Grace bought me the New Line Jason shirt, which once terrified a child walking past me in the opposite direction.

If we’re going to be pedantic, it was the summer of ’79 that Mrs Voorhees ran amok at Camp Crystal Lake, but that doesn’t make this baseball shirt any less awesome. Currently my favourite.

The many faces of Jason came on the same day. I was asked not to wear this to work.

Sadly, the white one has stretched into a warped shape, and the yellow one (with ‘Counselor’ printed on the back) has faded over time.

Classic Prom Night artwork and Japanese Friday the 13th Part 2; I can’t wear the latter as they sent a size too small.

There we go. Worn with cargo shorts circa April to October, cargo pants the rest of the year.

Lists

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