Tag Archives: Euro-horror

Twists of fury: Haute Tension

In this feature, Vegan Voorhees examines those jaw-dropping revelations that the slasher film loves to bat our way from the blue, like a pushy parent tossing softballs at a kid who doesn’t want to learn baseball.

Today, we look at the much-divisive ending to French gore-a-thon Haute Tension (a.k.a. Switchblade Romance). If you’ve not seen it, then beware yon SPOILERS

haute-2pics

Set Up: Student Marie (Cecile de France – perfect name, given she is French!) goes with her friend Alex (Maiwenn) to Alex’s parents for a stay. On the first night, a overall-clad killer pulls up and begins offing the family one by one, kidnaps Alex, and Marie sets out to rescue her, resulting in THE tensest game of cat and mouse ever put to film.

Twist: It’s all in Marie’s head – there is no overall-clad killer at all. She’s done it all because she’s in love with Alex and is batshit crazy.

Problems with this revelation: Unlike the other Twists of Fury, Haute Tension‘s doesn’t so much crash through a wall of logic flaws earlier in the film that render it senseless; instead, it simply pulls the rug of terror out from under the feet of the audience.

In effect, the film has been one big lie and the reveal that Marie is a psychotic lesbian is a betrayal of everything that was – up until that point – good about the movie. The whole “Dead/Evil Lesbian” cliche is wrung dry and a little insulting. Marie, already seen ‘pleasuring herself’ to thoughts of Alex, would’ve been a great gay heroine otherwise.

Likely explanation: The need for a twist, as all mainstream horror groped for in the dark after The Sixth Sense in 1999. A simple “the killer is still at large” ending no longer original or scary, Alexandre Aja and his co-writer made the debatable error of opting for this revelation rather than let the film lie with Marie defeating the loon and saving her friend.

Haute Tension is otherwise an outstanding exercise in tension; bettered later by Cold Prey‘s trip down a similar lane of suspense over shocks and without a last second curveball. It’s really bloody, almost to the point where I don’t ever want to see it again. But I still need to review it.

Death in service benefits

SEVERANCE

3.5 Stars  2006/15/92m

“Heads will roll.”

Director/Writer: Christopher Smith / Writer: James Moran / Cast: Danny Dyer, Laura Harris, Tom McInnerny, Toby Stephens, Claudie Blakley, Andy Nyman, Babou Ceesay, David Gilliam, Juli Drajko, Kaite Johns.

Body Count: 15

Dire-logue: “There are about five seriously sick fuckers on their way to kill us. So you can either help us… or fuck off.”


If you’ve ever worked for a large corporation, you’ll know just how brain-meltingly laborious it can be with a multitude of targets, objectives, appraisals, measurements, and general profit-bef0re-people manifesto. It can suck.

Occasionally you get a freebie, good dental or days out of the office for “team building” exercises (this has happened thrice in the twelve years I’ve been enslaved to my faceless employer). These normally sound good in theory, but are often capped with an array of caveats. You can have this fun, but you’ll have to return the favour by doing X-amount of work afterwards.

In Severance, seven employees of Pallisade, a weapons contractor, are touring Eastern Europe for promotional purposes. Nobody really wants to be there besides useless manager Richard, and the every-perky Gordon, whose unrelenting enthusiasm would probably prompt Ghandi to wrap his fingers around his neck.

Somewhere in the woodlands of Hungary/Serbia/Romania (nobody is sure where), the group are abandoned by their jittery coach driver on route to the “luxury lodge” a senior manager has provided for them. Instead, they find themselves hauled up at a rundown chalet and soon hunted by a large squad of insane militants, who harbour a deadly grudge against Pallisade.

A game of paintball turns grisly and the group are soon set upon by the maniacs, with one icky demise following another, until only office slacker Steve (professional geezer Dyer) and American spank-bank feature Maggie fight back with a frenzied gusto. Smith dreams up some interesting scenarios and it’s really good to see characters NOT develop super powers when fighting back, which lends nicely to Steve’s fight with one of the loons, that culminates in a memorable – and painful – knife up the ass.

Elements of any number of slasher/survival films creep into the mix and there’s the definite presence of Office-style observational humour, reflected largely in the acid wit and obvious dislike several characters have for one another. Everybody detests Richard (“I can’t spell success…without u, and u, and u, and u…”), high-flier Harris continually attempts to exert his authority, shy Billy ponders his feelings towards Maggie, and bored Jill tries to keep her eyes open and her mouth shut.

Severance certainly LOOKS good, with some nostalgic POV camera work from behind overhanging branches harking back to Jason in the woods. The dialogue and comic relief is on point, but occasionally thwarts the horror, which seems lacking in substance once the slaughter begins. That said, the whole mundaneness of corporate employment is captured in the dull attitude most of the group have towards everything: they’re jaded, unlike the busloads of campers who rolled into Camp Crystal Lake summer after summer…

Dyer’s layabout is effective though its his standard schtick, but he at least makes for an interesting central character, and the fate of some of the more marginalised characters was certainly a refreshing change, not to mention the sight of a half-naked stripper machine-gunning her way through a pack of insurgents. It’s even a little bit sad in parts, most notably when Billy uses his last gasp to stop Maggie from giving herself away.

A definite improvement on Smith’s earlier film, Creep, and also a damn sight better than the subsequent Triangle, hopefully a future bodycount opus he’s involved with will be more in line with this.

Twists of fury: The Nun

Ever since The Sixth Sense, the film biz has been out to trump the twist endings of yore, to really knock the audience for six and have them gasping as they realise something that has been staring them in the face for the past 90 minutes.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. We’ve all seen movies where the twist can be seen lumbering over the horizon towards us ages before ‘the big reveal’, and there are the times where the twist sort of just appears, senselessly, undoing hours of work and, in some cases, completely destroying the film.

Let’s begin to celebrate/mourn* them together, starting with The Nun. Massive spoilers follow.

Set Up: A spectral nun is offing a bunch of grown up Catholic school girls who accidentally killed her eighteen years earlier.

Twist: It isn’t the nun. It’s the final girl. She’s nuts and it’s all been going on in her head.

Problems with this revelation:

  • An ‘event’ set her off. This is getting wet in a shower. Then her mother is murdered. But mom was the SECOND victim, the first reportedly being murdered BEFORE the shower ‘event’.
  • One person is murdered before the final girl even arrives at the hotel where it occurs.
  • She can decapitate a person from the other side of the door in a locked room.
  • She can impale herself underwater with a speargun.
  • We saw the nun do it all.

Likely explanation: Executive meddling, for sure. What’s the point of a horror film WITHOUT a gasp-inducing twist, the producers of this Spanish production probably rationalised. Flashbacks during the explanation (inexplicably worked out by someone hardly involved) show “how she did it” but it still doesn’t make sense of the above points.

I would hope that the original writer threw an almighty tantrum over it, because it turns a modest three-star film into a truly idiotic affair.

 

*you choose

Dire-logue’s Greatest Hits Volume 10: Stay calm, now…

“We all go a little mad sometimes,” so said one Norman Bates many, many moons ago. He wasn’t necessarily just speaking for “those of us” (but not me) who flip and start killing people, far more common is that many of us (this time including me) just flip and yell a lot…

THE DRILLER KILLER (1979): “I’ll tell you what you know about… You know to BITCH, and how to eat, and how to BITCH, and how to shit, and how to BITCH!”

FINAL STAB (2001): “Why don’t you go find a phone, some help at a nearby farmhouse, or a fucking tampon! I don’t care.”

HARPOON: REYKJAVIK WHALE WATCHING MASSACRE (2009): “I might be disgusting to you, but this fag here is the only hope your Bible-belt ripped church ass has of getting out of this alive!”

HAVE A NICE WEEKEND (1975): “You do exactly what I tell you! Mother – make sandwiches for everyone.”

HOLLOW GATE (1988): “Just a few Halloween nuts – is that all you old bitches want? Happy Halloween you filthy old HAG!”

KOLOBOS (1999): “How about a nice, hot cup of shut the fuck up!?”

MR HALLOWEEN (2006): “Why does everybody in this GODDAMN town gotta tell me my GODDAMN job? Got no GODDAMN  respect!”

OFFICE KILLER (1996): “Kim: go home… go to unemployment… just leave!”

SCARECROW GONE WILD (2004): “If I hear the worlds “let’s split up” I will bitch-slap the both of you.”

TENEBRAE (1982): “Male heroes… with their hairy, macho bullshit.”

TOOLBOX MURDERS (1977): “Come here, you dirty fornicator!”

VOYEUR.COM (2000): “Hey, you’re killing my buzz, Euroboobs!”

10 more final girls we love

One volume of great final girls notwithstanding, here’s a second round of lovable, ass-kicking, shy, shrewd, girl-scoutery. Naturally, as few sequels match the original, these girls maybe aren’t QUITE as awesome as those from last time, but they deserve our love and clingy “be my friend”-ness…

Jannicke (Ingrid Bolso Berdal)

Cold Prey (2006)

All-round lead character Jannicke (pro: Yaneka) is pegged as the final girl in the landmark Norwegian slasher from the moment she appears. Smart, wise, democratic, and strong when it really counts, Jannicke slips on the shoes of a real heroine with ease when her group of friends and she find themselves hunted down by a hulking mountain man in an abandoned ski lodge.

Good decision making properties and a gutsy final battle with the killer make Jannicke a vital person to have around. In the sequel she does the same but gets angry with it.

Marti (Dame Linda of Blair)

Hell Night (1981)

Having survived being possessed by the devil himself, you’d think Linda Blair would know not to partake in ill-conceived frat pranks that involve spending the night in the world’s creepiest manor house. Where people were murdered. And the killer still hangs out.

Mechanic, liberal, loyal, and feisty, Marti hot-wires an escape vehicle and you can literally SEE her change from fleeing victim to power-wielding supervixen when she spies the spiked gates that she’ll use to rid herself of the annoying killer on her roof.

Jamie Lloyd (Danielle Harris)

Halloween 45 (1988-89)

Poor little Jamie Lloyd’s mom (Laurie Strode!) escaped the clutches of Michael Myers about 83 times on Halloween night, 1978. Then died in a car crash (or did she?). Daughter Jamie is adopted by the Carruthers family and a decade after THAT night, Uncle Mikey comes back for the remainder of the bloodline. Then he does it again the following year. And six years after that.

Nine-year-old Jamie really becomes the final girl in Halloween 5 where there’s no big sister left to help her. It seems like the little girl screams, cries, and runs for an eternity but she continues to survive, much like her homicidal uncle, until cruelly offed in Halloween 6 (though by that time J.C. Brandy had taken over the role).

Pam (Melanie Kinnaman)

Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning (1985)

Although the world is largely in agreement that Friday 5 is redundant of quality, one of the many joyful elements going for it is spunky heroine Pam Roberts, resident psychologist at the Pinehurst Institute of Mental Health. Or: home for crazy teenagers. In the middle of the woods.

Just as little Jamie Lloyd is ten years younger than most of her sisters, Pam is older than your average final girl. Having spent a majority of the film trying to find troubled teen and mortal enemy of Jason Voorhees, Tommy, she then returns to the nuthouse and finds that a hockey-masked loon will do anything to slice her up.

Mucho running and screaming through rain-soaked trees later, Pam fights back with a chainsaw until she, Tommy, and that kid from Diff’rent Strokes manage to do away with “Jason”.

Jessie (Eliza Duskhu)

Wrong Turn (2003)

Here’s an odd one: Buffy herself, Sarah Michelle Gellar, appeared in a couple of the big 90s slasher films as a victim, quite possibly wanting to play anything but righteous, ass-kicking uber-final girl for a change. In Wrong Turn, vampire slayer-gone-bad Dushku took on the role as love-robbed camper-in-peril when her quartet of BFF’s are chopped up for dinner by a trio of cannibals.

Curiously, Dushku doesn’t get that much to do as a final girl, having to be saved by Desmond Harrington’s take-charge doctor, though she does get to go all primal and shrieky with an axe once she’s free to do so. Nevertheless, her extraneous casting makes for an interesting heroine, even if we all know that, as Faith, she could’ve laid those loons to waste in a couple of kicks.

Alana (Jamie Lee Curtis)

Terror Train (1980)

Jamie Lee’s third round as final girl came in Roger Spottiswoode’s rather lush and mature killer-on-a-choo-choo film, in which a graduating class of med students are terrorised by a mask-switching maniac who is still peeved about a joke that went wrong three years previously.

Alana has a wholesome moral center and is more gutsy than Laurie Strode and more involved than Kim Hammond (her Prom Night character). After running for a bit, Alana uses whatever she can find to strike back at the hell bent killer but, as in her other films, she is ultimately saved by the intervention of an older male authority figure, which robs her of some of the glory a bit. But she’s still awesome.

Kristen (Patricia Arquette)

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

Nobody will ever replace Nancy as the ultimate Krueger final girl, but Patsy Arquette’s “suicidal” rich kid probably comes closest. (Some will vouch for Lisa Wilcox in films 4 and 5 but I never really liked her).

As the pivotal ‘Dream Warrior’, Kristen has the power to pull other people in her dreams, thus she and her fellow inmates can fight off Freddy Krueger together. But this pales in comparison to Kristen’s best bit, after eeeeevil Dr Simms fires Nancy, she flips out: “You can’t take Nancy, she’s all we have! You stupid bitch! You’re killing us!”

Clear (Ali Larter)

Final Destination (2000)

Originally, James Wong wanted Kirsten Dunst to play the role of Clear Rivers in Final Destination. In the DVD commentary he says that “Ali Larter is… is OK.” Bet she loved hearing that.

Nevertheless, Larter goes for the jugular as the only one who exits the doomed Flight 180 to believe Devon Sawa’s rantings that the plane will explode. She keeps this to herself for a while, later confessing that she could ‘feel’ his premonition without necessarily sharing it. After that, she becomes a Fuck Death ambassador, opening up and, in the sequel, coaching a new group of escapees how to cheat their imminent deaths. She helps, I guess, but most of them die anyway and so does she.

Cass (Tamara Stafford)

The Hills Have Eyes Part II (1983)

If Clear’s ability to ‘feel’ a premonition weren’t enough, Cass is a full blown psychic. AND she’s blind!

Wes Craven’s mucho-hated sequel to his own 1977 siege flick is a sell-out slasher movie with a decent cast, a Harry Manfredini score, and a dog capable of having a flashback.

Cass emerges as the obvious final girl, tottering around blind, feeling her friends’ dead faces and still conquering the hulking mutant who’s after her. Stafford’s career was too short-lived to be able to discern whether or not she is, in fact, blind. But she’s a cool, likable heroine at the center of it regardless.

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Valerie, Trish, and Courtney (Robin Stille, Michele Michaels, and Jennifer Meyer)

The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

Threesome! Feminist writer Rita Mae Brown originally conceived The Slumber Party Massacre as a comic reaction to the veritable tidal wave of neo-misogynistic low-rent slasher films emerging in 1981 and 82. The studio execs changed much of the script but both the laughs and the girl power are still very much present.

Once the killer with his phallic weapon of choice – an enormous power drill – has done away with much of the girls’ basketball team and some boyfriends, girl-next-door Valerie comes to the rescue, attacking him with a machete and chasing him down. When he fights back, host Trish and Val’s little sister Courtney join forces and go for him.

In what’s a rather dumb (but fun) movie, the end scene actually musters some real gusto and “go on girl!”-type audience participation. It’s EXCELLENT when they all set upon him. One of the few pre-90s movies where there is more than one female survivor.

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