CHILDREN OF THE CORN 666: ISAAC’S RETURN

 1999/18/79m

Director: Kari Skogland / Writers: Tim Sulka & John Franklin / Cast: Nancy Allen, Natalie Ramsey, John Franklin, Paul Popowich, Alex Koromzay, Stacy Keach, John Patrick White, Sydney Bennet.

Body Count: 8

---

I wouldn’t blame you if you thought there were 665 other Corn movies before this one. Certainly feels that way.

There’s a few ‘names’ in what seems like it was intended to be the Halloween H20 moment for the ever-goalpost-moving Children of the Corn series, which has gone through more metamorphoses than Kim Kardashian’s butt.

Teen Hannah (Ramsey) drives her banged-up old convertible to Gatlin to find her mother, Rachel, a member of the first-incarnation of the cult (she was the girl who attacked Burt and Vicky with the sickle at the end). On route she picks up a creepy preacher guy who literally disappears from the passenger seat after quoting a few cryptic Bible verses.

She locates the local hospice to research her adoption history, some oddballs, is nearly run off the road, and has recurring visions of corn, dead birds, and a shadowy figure.

Meanwhile, original preacher Isaac (looking like Jonathan from Buffy) wakes from his nineteen-year coma intent of providing safe passage for another prophecy about first born this, sacred birthright that, which will entail his son getting it on with Hannah to create something or other that was lost into a web of confusing dialogue.

In spite of the title suffix, Franklin doesn’t get that much screentime and achieves very little. He Who Walks Behind the Rows puts in an appearance (finally!), and there’s some gooey slayings, but the body count only gets going with minutes left on the clock.

Director Skogland overhauls the general look of the series, giving Gatlin a dusty, ghost town appearance and pours on the visual grit thick, with a washed-out colourless look to proceedings. It just makes it a bit emo and boring, with no real group of set-upon protagonists beyond Ramsey, who carries most of the film capably enough, propped up by Allen and Keach.

The big twist arrived undercooked and is done with in minutes and considering the roots of the series, there’s hardly a child in sight, and those we do see are just skipping about in the corn not bothering anyone.

If this was an attempt to springboard the series back into cinemas, gotta wonder if there was much of a demand for that in the first place, but COTC 666 adds very little to an already clogged and dizzy franchise, compounded by the next one having even less in common with this arc.

Blurbs-of-interest: Natalie Ramsey was Brittany Murphy’s friend in Cherry Falls; Stacy Keach was in The Hollow.