Tag Archives: gore o’clock

Accidents *will* happen…

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FINAL DESTINATION 2

4 Stars  2006/15/87m

“For every beginning there is an end.”

Director: David R. Ellis / Writers: Jeffrey Reddick, Eric Bress & J. Mackye Gruber / Cast: Ali Larter, A.J. Cook, Michael Landes, Tony Todd, T.C. Carson, Keegan Connor Tracy, Jonathan Cherry, Lynda Boyd, James N. Kirk, Justina Machado, David Paetkau, Sarah Carter.

Body Count: 11

Dire-logue: “If Clear was right then Nora and Tim are going to be attacked by pigeons!”

Cementing the decade’s most popular horror franchise (unless you prefer Saw?), Final Destination 2 is probably the most accessible entry in the series, pulling together the elements that have made the series so successful. It’s not as good as the first one but it’s definitive in being the best example of what the FD brand is all about, including the tie-in novels, which borrow much of the lore from what happens in this film.

On the flipside, the beginnings of what drowned the more recent sequels in the cliche tide were pulled in with the same net: tits, short cuts to defining characters and dumb jokes – none of which were present first time around.

Set on the first anniversary of the explosion of Flight 180, the subsequent events that befell Alex, Clear and friends have become a Chinese Whisper, so when Spring Break teenager Kimberly (Cook) foresees her own death and those of many others in a highway pile-up, history looks to be repeating itself. As Devon Sawa did last time, our psychic takes steps to prevent being caught up in the carnage, meaning that the pesky force that is Death has got it in for her and the on-ramp patrons who were denied access to the road.

Final Destination 2 essentially takes the bus-splatter shock from before and repeats it ad nauseum with a whole new array of every day items conspiring to take down the mixed group of death-evaders: this means there is death by ladder, elevator, air-bag and barbecue among others, all of which are more gruesomely played out than before – Death has upped the ante.

You can sort of sense a struggle with its own IQ here. The theories of mortality are absent in favour of a jacked-up body count and more bloodletting, which clashes with some of the smarter aspects of the plot, mainly the good ‘outward-ripple’ theory discovered halfway through. Unfortunately, its effect is dampened by clunky acting and then it’s all but forgotten about in Final Destination 3, which could’ve further explored the consequences of the premonitions. And there’s still no questioning just what force provides these foresights in the first place? Life working against Death? Why don’t they visit a psychic rather than Tony Todd?

Ali Larter’s return as an embittered hard-ass is great and A.J. Cook makes a functional heroine while the very easy-on-the-eye Landes floats around in the background like a spare part. Everyone else fulfills their obligatory pin-cushion bond, becoming targets for every possible piece of flying shrapnel that are hellbent on hacking, slashing, severing and dissecting them.

Effects wise, the car crash is nothing short of sensationally realised though some of the CG that ensues further through the film becomes a bit ropey (especially fire) – though the grue is full on, especially in the first two demises, which make perfect use of our innocuous looking surroundings. You’ll never look at your kitchen appliances or dental surgery decor in the same way again.

The next two Destinations ramped up the sadism in favour of coherent plotting and characters we care about, whether or not the fifth film will revert to the slightly more thought-out fundamentals of the first two films remains to be seen but, to date, FD2 represents the commercial peak of the franchise.

Blurbs-of-interest: A.J. Cook was the final girl, Molly, in Ripper: Letter from Hell; David Paetkau appeared in I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer; Tony Todd cameos all over the show and can be found in both Hatchet films, iMurders, Scarecrow Slayer, Jack the Reaper, Hell Fest, Candy Corn, and will return for the fifth FD movie; David R. Ellis directed The Final Destination which was written by Bress and Reddick (the latter created the original story). Shaun Sipos, one of Kim’s friends in the car, later turned up in Texas Chainsaw 3D.

Murder, Midgets & Misogyny

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SLEEPLESS

3.5 Stars  2001/18/113m

Director: Dario Argento / Writers: Argento, Franco Ferrini & Carlo Lucarelli / Cast: Max von Sydow, Stefano Dionisi, Chiara Caselli, Gabriele Lavia, Rossella Falk, Paolo Maria Scalondro, Roberto Zibetti, Roberto Accornero, Barbara Lerici, Guido Morbello, Massimo Sarchielli.

Body Count: 12

This review is dedicated to Ross of the excellent Anchorwoman in Peril!, a real Gift-Horsley who began overseeing his New Year’s resolution of familiarising me with Italian giallo – a resolution made on my behalf by Ross. But if such involuntary resolutions produce free DVDs then bring on 2012.

I’m not particularly unfamiliar with giallo, I’ve seen maybe two dozen or so films from the slashier end of the subset but I’ve yet to see one that’s, you know, massively converted me into some loose-lipped advocate of Italiano horror. Yeah, even Suspiria – it was okay. But anyway, on to the freebie that was Sleepless…

Compared to the other Argento slasher flicks I’ve seen (Tenebrae, Opera, Phenomena, Trauma), it’s functional in terms of plotting, no more or less so than the others but where it truly succeeds – indeed where all the aforementioned examples succeed – is in the visuals. Slasher films would be so much richer a subgenre were all directors as focused on presentation as Argento is. The plot, however, doesn’t offer much we haven’t seen before, albeit an interesting and engaging little mystery…

A long-thought solved case of serial murder that occurred around Turin in 1983 – credited to dead dwarfed writer of twisted horror Vincenzo de Fabritiis – begin to reoccur seventeen years later when a hooker accidentally makes off with a dossier of the killer’s handiwork. In what’s clearly the film’s best sequence, she is tormented and murdered on the completely empty train back to the city, as is her roommate, and the old killings begin all over again.

Retired and aged detective Moretti (von Sydow) who investigated the original murders is brought back into the fold and contacts the grown up son of one of the previous victims (who suffered a grisly case of death-by-broken-clarinet) and the pair begin looking into the possibility that Vincenzo isn’t actually dead.

More slayings ensue, each of them left with a paper cut-out of a farm animal that corresponds to an old poem while Giacomo (the son) reconnects with his old flame, much to the annoyance of her dorky boyfriend. But who is the killer? What is his motive? Why are all the female characters in the film so fucking stupid?

I mean, really… what keeps me at arms-length with Argento’s work is his portrayal of women as dumbfucks who can’t operate locks on doors, fall over a lot, and drop the contents of their over-stuffed purses, leave their things behind so they have to go back for them, say they don’t require company walking home but then act all skittish and jump out of their skin at every little sound… Meanwhile, the ranks of idiotic male counterparts go largely unpunished despite acting like prize pricks – they’re exempted from the slashes of the killer’s blade. It’s annoying and goes against the the story by crowbarring these unlikely simpletons into the complex nature of what’s actually going on.

This issue brushed aside, Sleepless is an above average slasher film with a nice surprise ending that, for once, isn’t direly predictable, aided by the film having limitless background characters who could be the killer. The connection to the murders two decades earlier is neatly tied off in a believable way and it pretty much all makes sense. How hardcore fans of Argento’s see this alongside his earlier, more famous, more bloodthirsty work is a mystery to me but I can say with certainty that I liked it, I just wish the man himself would turn out a film where the victims were primarily stupid men and the women saved the day, or some gay blokes – hey, it could happen!

One final word on it, there was a brief laugh out loud moment when, almost out of nowhere, this person appeared:

She just…pops up, spinning to the camera before we cut back to something else. Look how happy she is. And she’s a waitress. Isn’t she supposed to be surly and annoyed? It looks like she works in one of those ‘theme’ establishments so at the very least she should be hocking up phlegm globs in the fries. Again, Argento’s talent for representing folk fails on this count.

Valley of the Cheapjack Franchises: SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT

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This is about as high-budget as Valley of the… is going to get, parts 1 to 3 of the Silent Night, Deadly Night five-piece franchise. Part 4: Initiation (a.k.a. Bugs) is not a slasher film and Part 5: The Toy Maker, allegedly belongs alongside Halloween III in the kill-kids-with-toys subset.

So, une, deux and trois… Yule be sorry!

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT

3.5 Stars  1984/18/85m

“You’ve made it through Halloween, now try and survive Christmas.”

Director: Charles E. Sellier Jr. / Writer: Michael Hickey / Cast: Lilyan Chauvin, Gilmer McCormick, Robert Brian Wilson, H.E.D. Redford, Toni Nero, Britt Leach, Nancy Borgenicht, Randy Stumpf, Linnea Quigley, Leo Geter, Will Hare, Danny Wagner, Tara Buckman, Jeff Hansen, Jonathon Best.

Body Count: 13

Dire-logue: “Children, listen to me. I know that you’re very upset and I understand. But I want you to stop that moping. We’re gonna sing.”

There’s no such thing as bud publicity, they say. Well, rewind your mind back to Utah, circa Christmas ’84 and the release of this Santa-slasher certainly whipped up a shit-storm of angry parents who picketed and protested after TV commercials showed a scary Santa and a couple of kids cried. What does this teach us as a society? That it’s alright to deceive your own child by leading them to believe a magical old man visits each and every house in one night to leave presents before unveiling the lie a few years later but said lie cannot be exposed via a film for non-children…

OK, so the producers were stupid to include the killer Santa in the ads or play them too early in the day – but if parents are allowing their kids to be raised by the idiot box then they surely must take some responsibility if they want to continue spinning their ‘inoffensive’ lie.

While the film suffered from the backlash and was withdrawn, Silent Night gained cult status enough in the later years and is now freely available in all its uncut glory. Suck on that, puritans!

Billy didn’t just love Farrah Fawcett…he wanted to BE her

Anyway, the film itself – gadzooks it’s a sleazy little number! A nuclear Mom-Pop-two-kids family go and visit Grandpa at the rest home and he tells little Billy that Santa is evil and likes to punish and if you see him – run, little Billy, run to the salt flats! Unfortunately, Billy’s new-found Santa-phobia is compacted when an actual real life killer Santa shoots dad, rapes mom and slashes her throat and tries to kill him too.

Traumatic past-event in the can, we’d normally skip forward to the adult years where something triggers Billy’s psycho-spree but, instead, Silent Night somewhat refreshingly opts to build on Billy’s to-be-fucked-up mental state as he and baby bro Ricky grow up at an orphanage overseen by an immensely strict Mother Superior (Chauvin – who is all kinds of awesome evil). Mama Soop delights in punishing bad kids and forcing Billy to sit on Santa’s lap at the annual Christmas party, which doesn’t end well.

Another ten years later, Billy has grown into a tall, athletic teen (Wilson) who is found a job at a toy store by kindly Sister Margaret (McCormick) and a montage of happy smiling Billy working takes us to the festive season where he has to stand in for the in-store Santa and his psychosis unravels and he massacres his ‘naughty’ co-workers before going off on a murder spree, ‘punishing’ a pair of teen lovers and a nasty bully on route back to the orphanage to get even with the now-wheelchair bound nasty nun.

It’s reputation aside, Silent Night is actually a lot better than most other yuletide slasher movies (Black Christmas excepted, of course), it’s examination of the killer’s state of mind far more thought out than your common-or-garden wronged-nerd looney toon and the ensuing slay-fest is pure Friday the 13th, with grisly demises by fairy lights, bow and arrow and notably Linnea Quigley being impaled on a pair of deer antlers! The sweaty Wilson does it all with an impish sneer that would make even Jason envious.

The climax, however, appears rushed and doesn’t exactly pan out as you’d expect, although an indignant Mother Superior continues to chew up the scenery with her delivery and the kids at the orphanage are nothing short of adorable – though the poor angels were probably traumatised by seeing no less than two Santa’s gunned down before their eyes within minutes of each other…

The two-on-one DVD (with Part 2 on the flip) incorporates the restored cut footage with a little more gore and flesh.

* * *

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT PART 2

1987/89m  2.5 Stars

“Prayers won’t save you in the silent part of this night…”

Director: Lee Harry / Writers: Lee Harry, Joseph H. Earle, Dennis Patterson & Lawrence Appelbaum / Cast: Eric Freeman, James L. Newman, Elizabeth Kaitan [as Cayton], Jean Miller, Darrell Guilbeau, Kenneth Brian James, Frank Novak, Randy Baughman.

Body Count: 13

Dire-logue: “You tend to get paranoid when everyone around you gets dead.”

GARBAGE DAY!!! If nothing else, this bizarro sequel will be remembered for the almost viral status of those two words, which the killer shouts at some poor bit-parter who is gunned down whilst taking out the trash. It’s truly something that needs to be seen to be appreciated.

Often hailed as the worst in the series, Silent Night Part 2 began life as a project for the producers, who were asked to re-cut the events of the first film in an attempt to regain some of the revenue lost after all the moral guardians succeeded in eradicating it from theaters. Merging the footage with new film creates an awkward situation: the entire first half is made up of ‘flashbacks’ to Part 1 interspersed with scenes of Billy’s now as-traumatised little brother Ricky (Freeman), who tells his story to shrink Newman.

Some 40 minutes in, after we’re done recapping the events of the first film, little Ricky grows up with a fear of red things and Christmas and a low-tolerance for people who act like assholes, such as violent loan sharks, cinema blabbermouths, his girlfriend’s ex and, finally, a random selection of poor ‘burb dwellers who get shot down before the now immensely beefed-up Ricky is caught and carted off to the asylum, but that won’t stop him from going after the wheelchair-bound Mother Superior. Who is no longer played by Lilyan Chauvin. And is now hideously scarred. And no longer has her accent.

There’s far less Christmas-themed carnage this time around though, Ricky’s serial killing career doesn’t much relate beyond providing additional victims, who are killed by jumper cables in the mouth, being repeatedly run over and, most memorably, impaling someone with an umbrella, which then opens.

The DVD commentary from director Lee Harry, writer Joe Earle and actor James Newman only confirms that not too much on this project was taken seriously, although it’s worth noting that there’s a peppering of decently composed shots amidst the trash, which is plentiful as Freeman gleefully over acts with intense eyebrow acrobatics and a hilariously wicked laugh. This and some other (intentionally?) funny bits coupled with the unforgettable “garbage day!” moment, Part 2 is a weird viewing experience but nevertheless an entertaining one.

* * *

SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT III: BETTER WATCH OUT!

2 Stars  1989/90m

“When your nightmare ends, the real terror begins.”

Director: Monte Hellman / Writers: Steven Gaydos & Carlos Lazlo / Cast: Samantha Scully, Bill Moseley, Robert Culp, Richard Beymer, Eric Da Re, Laura Herring, Elizabeth Hoffman.

Body Count: 8

The final slasher flick of the series is stock late-80s stuff in which the comatose Ricky is revived to deck the halls with blood n’ guts thanks to his inexplicable psychic link with blind heroine Scully. Of course, when awake it is she he begins to stalk, doing away with hangers-on as he goes.

Not much to celebrate this Christmas, but it’s kind of satisfying to know that the moaning, whinging parents’ groups didn’t totally get their way as the series grinds on – although the distinct lack of Santa is disappointing. Instead, Ricky (now played by genre icon Moseley) wanders around sans clobber with a plexi-glass bowl on his head filled with fluid.

There’s some bloodshed to lap up and a variety of subtle jokes but it’s just not as fun as the first two. I saw it years and years ago just the once and have hazy memories of the psychic Grandma (extent of ability: “the phone’s gonna ring.”) and heroine’s brother’s girlfriend saying; “Chris tells me you’re psychic?” / “He tells me you give good head.” But that’s it for entertainment.

Santa’s coming! …For you!!!

Overall blurbs-of-interest: Robert Culp was in another Santa slasher, Santa’s Slay; Leo Geter was in Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers; Elizabeth Kaitan was Robin in Friday the 13th Part VII and was a bit-parter in Silent Madness; Britt Leach was in Night Warning; Leonard Mann was in Night School; Bill Moseley turns up in Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, and the 2013 sequel, Home Sick, Blood Night, and Natty Knocks; Linnea Quigley’s other slasher credits include Graduation Day, Kolobos, Jack-O, Spring Break Massacre, The Barn, and a shower scene in Fatal Games; the toy story employee shot with the arrow was the nurse at the start of Halloween 4.

Wrong Turn: The Cannibals Take Manhattan

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STAG NIGHT

3 Stars  2008/18/80m

“His last night of freedom could be his last night ever…”

Director/Writer: Peter A. Dowling / Cast: Kip Pardue, Vinessa Shaw, Breckin Meyer, Karl Geary, Scott Adkins, Sarah Barrand, Rachel Oliva, Luca Bercovici, Genadii Ganchev, Radoslav Parvanov.

Body Count: 11

This film begins by telling us that of the 100,000 people who are reported missing in New York City every year, only children are searched for. Whether or not that’s factual is neither here nor there where this inner-city Xerox of Wrong Turn is concerned.

That’s Wrong Turn with a quick stop over to borrow a hell of a lot from Creep first.

After the obligatory opening horror, in which a young woman is seen running around the subway system until she reaches an escalator to safety, which stops and begins going backwards, pulling her back towards whatever nastiness awaits her down below in the dark, we move on to meet a quartet of guys leaving – being kicked out of – a sleazy stripjoint during Mike’s bachelor party night of escapadery.

Intent on moving on to a new bar, they board the last train and get into a tustle with a couple of strippers they were flirting with and end up left behind at an unused subway station, arguing and swearing lots before they opt to hike through the tunnel to the next port of call, an idea foiled when they witness a guard slashed to pieces by a trio of dreadlocky, beardy, cannibals who soon give chase.

Four of the group stumble upon the subterranean lair of the killers and witness them chopping up their dead (and one not so dead) friends – just like in Wrong Turn. Much chasing down grimy tunnels ensues, one guy acts as a decoy to allow his buddies to escape – just like in Wrong Turn. Numbers are eventually whittled down to the predictable pair of survivors (I won’t say it this time) and they try to raise help from the community of homeless who live there – just like in Creep but end up captured instead and have to turn the tables in order for Mike to make it to the church at all.

The brazen pilfering from other films aside, Stag Night is actually brainlessly entertaining with quite a game cast of likeables in the middle of things: Breckin Meyer looks to be having a ball playing the asshole for a change and the pairing of Pardue and Shaw fighting back is cheer-worthy, although the film’s got the stones to take the downbeat route at the finale, which I didn’t see coming.

Blurbs-of-interest: Vinessa Shaw played the 4-year-old in Home Sweet Home back in 1980; Meyer’s big screen debut was Freddy’s Dead; Luca Bercovici was in Frightmare and also directed The Granny (the 1995 one with Stella Stevens). Weirdly, the film was shot largely in Sofia, Bulgaria, the same place as Wrong Turn 3 and loon-player Parvanov portrayed one of them woodsmen in Wrong Turn 5! And don’t confuse it with Brit Templar slasher StagKnight.

The Red Devil

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BLOOD NIGHT: THE LEGEND OF MARY HATCHET

2.5 Stars  2009/18/85m

Director: Frank Sabatella / Writers: Elke Blani & Frank Sabatella / Cast: Bill Moseley, Danielle Harris, Nate Dushku, Samantha Facchi, Anthony Marks, Billy Magnussen, Alissa Dean, Mayam Basir, Samantha Hahn, Michael Wartella, Russell Lewis, Rich Ceraulo.

Body Count: 21 (give or take)

Dire-logue: “There’s a bond between mother and child that should never be broken. Some say that’s why the evil lives on.”

1978: Mary Mattock is a little girl who goes mad and kills her folks with scissors and an axe. She’s carted off to the psyche ward and, in ’89, gets raped by an orderly, gives birth and is told that child was stillborn. Mary loses it again and attacks the hospital staff, killing an unspecified number, before being shot dead by the cops. Why does she do all this? This chick has premenstrual dysphoria – when she’s surfing the crimson wave, we all gotta suffer! I’ve survived 32 years without really knowing what periods are but they look kinda…icky. I’m not really that surprised they’d drive Mary to kill.

…Plus she wants her baby back.

The legend of ‘Mary Hatchet’ becomes part of local folklore and the youth of the obligatory small town where it all happened celebrate ‘Blood Night’ in a Halloween-lite sorta way: pranks, parties and horror flicks galore. We’re soon introduced to the gaggle of high schoolers who’ll throw a party and suffer the wrath of Mary Mattock – twenty years after her child was born…wonder if one of the characters’ll turn out to be said offspring, eh?

For much of the ensuing hour, not a lot happens in Blood Night: the slightly more rounded group of teens (slightly translates as they were on screen more but I still never worked out who was who) have a seance at Mary’s graveside, are warned off by the groundskeeper Gus (Moseley) – who is dressed to the nines as a Crazy Ralph tribute act. Afterwards, they go back to Nichole’s house to party.

Some spoilers‘re about to follow so read on if you want it all ruined… Ruined, like that party you went to that time when everyone died! ‘Cept you, that is.

About 40 minutes in, Danielle Harris comes to the party. Everyone drinks, people pair off and have sex – complete with some really audible gulping sounds when one sophomore horndog is being ‘seen to’ by the girl he lusts after. Some of the party guests die and the seven remaining kids run screaming from the house only to find Gus trolling by in his pickup. They board and he drives them to the abandoned asylum to put a stop to the madness once and for all. Isn’t it fortunate that nobody ever cleared out all the files from the institute’s office? Now they can find out who Mary’s child is!

It’s Danielle Harris. Colour me totally shocked, ’tis she who turns out to be the adopted child. Some handy flashbacks show her getting some gushy, nasty looking period and then either getting possessed by mom or just choosing to kill everyone as well. It ain’t that clear. Anyhoo, she turns up at the creepy old madhouse and clip-clops up and down the halls, chopping and thwacking everyone else.

Blood Night is a weird one. On the pro side, it’s quite well made with an eye for the kind of visuals that adorn slasher flicks of yore and the teen-scenes are staged as sort of docu-drama Real World thing, which reminded me of the style in The Asylum’s cheapo cash-in flick, Halloween Night. The downside of this approach is that is serves to expose the teenagers as annoying, shallow blade-targets and pretty much nothing more – plus the fact that there’s too many of them to keep track of and almost all the boys look the same.

Sabatella keeps things liberally gory and throws in copious amounts of female nudity. Mary’s spirit appears full frontally nude and it makes me to wonder if the film had had a male killer would we have ever seen the goods? No. Even the boys who get laid miraculously manage to keep it all off screen. Gender inequality in a teen horror film, who da thunk it?

Danielle and Bill are good in their respective, though limited roles. Everyone else fades into a teen-victim blur. Is it a budding franchise? Well, women will probably always get a bit moody when they’ve ‘got the painters in’, so there’s no reason not to expect more of the same…

Y’ever noticed that neither men nor fat girls ever get naked in horror films?

Blurbs-of-interest: Danielle Harris played Jamie Lloyd in Halloween 4 and 5 and Annie Brackett in Rob Zombie’s Halloween and Halloween II, was Tosh in Urban Legend, Marybeth in Hatchet II, and was in ChromeSkull: Laid to Rest 2. Bill Moseley was in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, the 2013 sequel, Silent Night Deadly Night III and Home Sick. Moseley and Harris were later in Natty Knocks together.

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