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scream vi 2023

SCREAM VI

4 Stars  2023/18/122m

“New York. New rules.”

Directors: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin & Tyler Gillett / Writers: James Vanderbilt & Guy Busick / Cast: Melissa Barrera, Jenna Ortega, Courteney Cox, Dermot Mulroney, Jasmin Savoy Brown, Mason Gooding, Hayden Panettiere, Liana Liberato, Jack Champion, Josh Segarra, Devyn Nekoda, Samara Weaving, Henry Czerny, Tony Revolori, Skeet Ulrich, Roger L. Jackson (voice).

Body Count: 13


It’s 1997 all over again! What felt like a chance-it-and-see resurrection of Ghostface to hack and hew anew in 2022’s requel clearly paid off as the sixth instalment went rapidly into production for a release just 14 months after its predecessor, almost as rapid a turnaround as the films of yore.

In keeping with that speed, Scream VI takes the not unfamiliar step of moving things to a collegiate setting, rather than keep us in Woodsboro, just as Scream 2 hauled ass to a leafy campus, replete with youthful flesh to be slashed and torn. This time though, we’re going to college in New York City. It’s goodbye manicured lawns and imposing academic buildings, hello apartment living, city alleys, and the subway. It’s also goodbye Sidney, as Neve Campbell declined the offer made to her for returning.

scream vi 2023 samara weaving

Scream may be a franchise that prides itself on observing and bucking genre tropes, but is also married to many of its own making, and so starts with the familiar opening kill. We run into Samara Weaving’s film professor, waiting for her date to show up at a swanky NY restaurant. Messages through the Flirtr app detail a delay, so he calls her instead… A brief exchange over meta-slashers (“not that one”, when he asks her what her favourite scary movie is) and she is lured outside to help her date navigate when he allegedly gets lost down a between-buildings alley and encounters something scary.

It’s a ruse, obvs, and in true old-school style, the audience begs her not to go into that alley alone. The expected outcome ensues, but then something altogether unexpected happens, leading into The Opening Scene – Part 2, a little peek at Jason Takes Manhattan, and the title slashing its way onto the screen.

scream vi 2023 melissa barrera jenna ortega

We’re soon reacquainted with our youthful survivors from before, the Core Four: Sam, Tara, Chad, and Mindy – all either attending or living close enough to Blackmore University. The latter three are in deep with their college experience, while Sam struggles to come to terms with the events of last year, as a series of online conspiracy theories posit that she was the killer and framed poor, sad Richie for it all. In a grim reflection of the age we live in, he is sainted, she vilified.

When news of a double-slaying and uncovered Ghostface paraphernalia reaches them, Sam immediately wants to get far away from New York, but is convinced to stay by her roommate Quinn’s detective father (Mulroney), who informs Sam that her ID was found at the scene. Mindy gets the chance to give a brief meta-overview of the situation before the sisters are attacked again, this time in a bodega, where Ghostface makes quick work of the storekeeper and a couple of patrons.

scream vi 2023 ghostface

The cops discover DNA belonging to earlier killers on the mask, which happens again at ensuing crime scenes, each working backwards down the line of Amber/Richie, Jill/Charlie, Roman, etc. towards the inevitable earliest purveyor of the mask – Daddy Dearest, Billy Loomis.

Enter Gale Weathers, who broke her promise not to write a book about the latest Woodsboro murders, and thus has fallen out with the sisters Carpenter – so gets socked in the mouth again. Also enter Kirby Reed, last seen squirming from her stab wounds in Scream 4, now an FBI agent with a vested interest in the case, and allowing for some cute comedic relief when sharing the scene with Gale. The latter succeeds in finding a shrine to all things Ghostface, kept in a deserted New York movie theatre, decked out with clothes worn by victims and killers (Tatum’s green sweater and Mrs Loomis’ white pantsuit vie for centre stage), weapons, Jennifer Jolie’s burnt fax machine, the TV used to squash Stu’s head…

scream vi 2023 shrine

Assaults against the Core Four continue, with a red hot tense scene involving a ladder between high rise apartments that could’ve come out of The Poseidon Adventure, and a suspense-dripping attack at Gale’s penthouse flat, in which she asks if the killer minds being put on hold, up there with Sidney’s “I’m bored” hang-up from the 2022 movie.

Eventually, of course, all things lead back to the shrine, where a plan to entrap the killer is thwarted by the killer’s foresight, and then it’s the unmasking ritual, exposition, and turning the tables. While the motive is more believable than that of the previous film, it leans into campy theatrics here and there, once again showing that the assailants seem always to underestimate their opponents at the crucial moment and their big schemes flop.

scream vi 2023 courteney cox

As with any Scream movie, there’s much to like here, from the high-end production to neat visuals, in-jokes atop in-jokes, and way more action than expected – by the end I was exhausted by how paced it all was. Working against it, however, is a lack of sharp, witty dialogue, and a shortage of new characters who mean anything – given the high body count, only one character with anything to really do is murdered, the rest are made up of bystanders, people killed entirely off-screen, or have so few scenes beforehand, that we barely know their name let alone are provoked by their loss.

This in hand with upped levels of violence gives the film an edge, cold front to it. In Scream 2, Kevin Williamson killed his darlings by offing Randy, but here, everybody we saw previously is safe, despite several of them being stabbed or shot – in fact one person is virtually gutted, but returns a little later with ability to run. The high-stakes from before where nobody seemed safe aren’t welcome this time around. That said, I didn’t want any of them to die, as it’s a likeable cast roster, but with so much packed in, those who do meet the sharp end of the knife are barely missed, and it’s hard to consider how Sidney would’ve fit in if they’d succeeded in securing her.

scream vi 2023 subway

This is a very high-BPM banger of a movie, and I needed to watch it a second time to fully get my head around it. Fortunately, it was better with a sophomore viewing, not least because the friend I went with jumped and jolted and suspected everybody before proclaiming “I told you!” to the entire cinema when the unmasking happened.

Blurb-of-interest: Liana Liberato was in Totally Killer.

Embarrassing Bodies Bodies Bodies

bodies bodies bodies 2022

BODIES BODIES BODIES

“This is not a safe space.”

1 Stars  2022/15/94m

Director: Halina Reijn / Writers: Sarah DeLappe, Kristen Roupenian / Cast: Amandla Stenberg, Maria Bakalova, Myha’la Herrold, Rachel Sennott, Chase Sui Wonders, Pete Davidson, Lee Pace.

Body Count: 5

Laughter Lines: “And you know what? Your parents are Upper. Middle. Class.”


Somewhat ironically, I saw a TikTok skit where a group of TV producers pitched a Real Housewives-esque show called ‘Women Screaming at Each Other’. Beware spoilers spoilers spoilers.

A group of privileged young folks gather for a ‘Hurricane Party’ at the sprawling mansion owned by David’s family. To this comes the recently-done-with-rehab Sophie – David’s childhood best friend – and her new girlfriend, Bee.

Mid-drinks n’ drugs, the power goes out – crucially taking out with it the wifi – and the group elect to play the titular game (‘Murder in the Dark’ to most of us), warning newcomers Bee and Greg that it could get ugly. Accusations and arguments ensue, with Greg out first, then David, who storms off, only to appear a short while later outside the window, throat slashed.

bodies bodies bodies 2022

Those still awake – all the girls – suspect Greg and shit goes down, but they soon find out they’re wrong when another body turns up, leading to a total breakdown of the group, mucho name calling, backstabbing, and more death. When it’s just Sophie and Bee left, fighting each other, they stumble upon David’s phone, and on it a video showing him trying to record a TikTok of him sabring a champagne bottle and accidentally cutting his own throat.

The gag? There was no killer – just paranoia. This revelation comes literally seconds before the end and is, bluntly, way too little too late after 90 minutes of people walking around in the dark and little else.

bodies bodies bodies 2022

For a film written and directed by women, the core message stemming from all of this seems to be that girls are stupid and irrational. That the proximate cause of it all was a man’s stupidity might be the intended conclusion here, but once it’s over, it’s only the female characters who have been drawn as nasty backstabbers, all male characters are effectively absolved of responsibility due to their absences. The Slumber Party Massacre remake dealt with this much, much better.

It’s an overarching jab at Gen-Z networking; the four-way row that sees the girls screaming about being gaslit, triggered, emotionally abused – “I can’t believe you’re making this about you!” It’s the best scene, and if you’ve witnessed an online argument in the past five years, you’re going to hear most of the terms used here.

bodies bodies bodies 2022

An interview with director Reijn revealed that the crumbling of trust is activated by the loss of wifi, reducing the capabilities of the youngsters to otherwise function, a joke that ends the film, the last line of which is: “I have reception”.

Tech-addiction allegories notwithstanding, Bodies is just boring. Really fucking boring. A 30-minute anthology segment may have been the best showcase for such a slight, oh-was-that-it? punchline, but still too long exposure to the least likeable bunch of characters you’re ever likely to see on screen. I don’t know if there’s a genuine inability to write characters we might – gasp! – care about, or just a casual disinterest.

PLL: The Coincidencening

pretty little liars original sin 2022

PRETTY LITTLE LIARS: ORIGINAL SIN

3 Stars  2022/498m

“The past doesn’t lie.”

Created by: Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, Lindsay Calhoon Bring / Cast: Bailee Madison, Chandler Kinney, Zaria, Malia Pyles, Maia Reficco, Mallory Bechtel, Carson Rowland, Alex Aliono, Jordan Gonzalez, Derek Klena, Ben Cook, Sharon Leal, Elena Goode, Lea Salonga, Zakiya Young, Eric Johnson, Kate Jennings Grant.

Body Count: 9

Laughter Lines: “To paraphrase Heathers, our teen-angst has now has a body count.”


I watched precisely one episode of the original Pretty Little Liars series, realised it was going to drag out its one-note premise way past its welcome and find a way to screw you over to force multiple seasons.

Upon hearing that a (second?) spin-off series was opting for a straight-up revenge slasher tale over an I-can-do-it 10-episode season, I took a dip.

With title fonts clearly designed to conjure up memories of Friday the 13th, and screen prompts in the Halloween font, telling us what day we’re on, it’s clear from the off somebody involved was penning a love letter to the golden age of dead teenager stalk n’ slash.

pretty little liars original sin 2022

On New Year’s Eve 1999, a dishevelled teenage girl staggers into a rave, begging for help from a quintet of prissy prom queens, who tell her she’s on her own. As the clock is about to strike twelve, the girl leaps from the rafters to her death at their feet.

Leaping forward to 2022, all five women still live in the town of Millwood. All five women have one child apiece. All of these children are girls in the same grade. Of these kids, once-popular-but-now-pregnant Imogen had a major falling out with her best friend, Karen, who, when visiting one night to reclaim clothes Imogen borrowed, hands her mom a flyer for the 1999 NYE party that was taped to their door. The girls subsequently find Imogen’s mom has slashed her wrists in the bath and painted the letter ‘A’ in blood on the tiles.

A few months later, a more-pregnant Imogen is now living with Tabby and her mom (another member of the ’99 clique). They, along with ballerina Faran, be-ankle-monitored Noa, and shy nerd Mouse, receive detention for a series of strikes at Karen, who is the 1D bitch. The quintet become fast friends in their plot to take revenge against Karen, which starts a chain reaction of events that leads to the girl falling to her death during a school dance. Deja vu all over again.

pretty little liars original sin 2022

The five girls each find themselves tormented by texts from ‘A’, who swears them to silence. Imogen saw a masked loon push Karen to her death but the girl’s father is the local sheriff and blames the five of them for driving her to suicide. Her identical twin sister, Kelly, meanwhile, makes moves to step into Karen’s shoes, socially and… uh… ballerina-ally.

Mucho Nancy Drewing occurs – road trips to an institution, exploring old houses, befriending a guy who lives on an abandoned train… Despite leaving the gate with bloody intentions, the body count soon grinds to a halt after a scant three murders, despite there being a buffet of asshole jocks to pick from, the moms, various staff members at the school… A side-mystery around two rapes comes into play, which the girls manage to use to defend themselves when the bully-hating killer comes-a-callin’.

Film geek Tabby talks in movie metaphors for most of her scenes, even presenting a class project on slasher movie conventions that goes into gender issues of the genre, which is interesting when she comes to making a flipped version of the Psycho shower scene, but given this speech and all her talk around the male gaze, to then forge ahead and adhere to so many cliches around women in horror displays the operational limitations – such as blaming the death of a girl on a group of girls, and them tormenting other girls on the back of it. Why couldn’t one of the kids been a boy? Why couldn’t a few of them be older or younger to mix it up a bit? Hell, just give us Handsome Little Liars, where a group of teen boys are hunted in payment for the death of another boy.

pretty little liars original sin 2022

Bailee Madison, who handled final girl duties in The Strangers: Prey at Night, as Imogen, gets to scrap with the killer at the end in a good-but-is-it-too-late fight scene that highlights how sorely lacking this level of action horror has been over the preceding nine episodes. In this sense, the propositions of the first episode feel like broken promises, especially as things end with the door thrown wide open for another round, though not before an all-too-cosy scene in which all of the remaining principle characters sit around and count their blessings, getting back together, going to rehab, moving back from the city. Hallmark has a lot to answer for.

An okay show, wrapped up too swiftly, but it settled for merely flirting with slasher movie conventions rather than fully embracing them.

Urugu-Eye

the last matinee 2020

THE LAST MATINEE

3.5 Stars  2020/18/88m

A.k.a. Bloody Matinee

“No talking. No texting. No breathing.”

Director/Writer: Max Contenti / Writer: Manuel Facal / Cast: Luciana Grasso, Julieta Spinelli, Ricardo Islas, Patricia Porzio, Emanuel Sobre, Franco Duran, Pedro Duarte, Bruno Salvatti, Vladimir Knazevs, Daiana Carigi.

Body Count: 9


Hopefully Uruguay will forgive me for the first thing that comes to mind when I think of the nation being that moment in The Simpsons where Homer sees it on a globe and pronounces it: “U R Gay.”

Uruguay gets the last laugh though, as this is one sexy bitch of a giallo slasher.

On a rainy day in Montevideo in 1993, a small single-screen cinema showing a low-end Frankenstein film (actually a real movie directed by actor Ricardo Islas, who plays the killer here) attracts a small number of punters: A couple on a first date, some teens off their trolley on vodka, the Brooke Shields-a-like girl one of them was lusting after on the bus, and a young boy who has snuck in.

the last matinee 2020

Projectionist’s daughter Ana has come to relieve her overworked father, packing him off in a cab and babysitting the reels while studying, much to the annoyance of night manager Mauricio, who’s not paid enough to care about throwing out an angry homeless guy escaping the rain.

Regrettably for all of these people, a slicker-clad lunatic with a bag of grisly tricks has also crept inside and makes quick work of locking them in. He then sets about killing those inside one by one to take their eyes and add them to a jar for later snacking. Eww. There’s a brutal throat-cutting while the victim is puffing on a cigarette, resulting in smoke exiting the next wound in a gruesomely artistic way; two kids making out are skewered together in an eternal kiss, as well as death by projector.

the last matinee 2020 luciana grasso

The simplicity of the plot is one thing, and some of the characters’ names aren’t ever mentioned, but if you’re looking for a film that revels in its aesthetic details – this is it. Almost comic book-like shots play out as the killer hones in on his victims, with 80s-style fragmenting of the space beforehand, daring us to guess where he is, when he will strike, and what he will do.

A great scene utilising this approach occurs when a bored Gabriela decides to make the movie going experience more interesting by giving Horacio an impromptu hand-job; elsewhere two teens are sharing a tentative kiss; the on-screen tension is building…; who will the killer take out? It’s a beautifully conducted sequence, shocking and even a little bit sad.

the last matinee 2020

Ana eventually discovers the killings, although it’s timed nicely with the celluloid breaking and what she believes to the audience booing over the incident is actually someone being knifed to death. From there the survivors try to fend off the killer and raise the alarm. Surprisingly, they get through to the cops for a change, but they also fall foul of the Bad Choice trap where they have the killer out cold but decide to flee rather than bludgeon him to death with the weapon in their hands. It’s a slasher film though, do you really want sensible decision making?

Contenti’s attention to visual detail is the Chef’s Kiss USP of The Last Matinee, truly not the first slasher flick set in an underattended movie theater, but by far the best looking. Almost every frame feels considered and created rather than just cut-in, every shot composed rather than pointed-at-and-shot. The result is an impossibly handsome piece of horror cinema, and the comparable lack of characterisation lends itself well to the bolt-from-the-blue nature of the killer’s attack on a bunch of strangers.

the last matinee 2020 ricardo islas

Beautiful horror.

Below Duck

wreck 2022

WRECK

3.5 Stars  2022/272m

Director: Chris Baugh / Writers: Ryan J. Brown & Ibrahim Salawu / Cast: Oscar Kennedy, Thaddea Graham, Harriet Webb, Louis Boyer, Peter Claffey, Anthony Rickman, Warren James Dunning, Miya Ocego, Alice Nokes, Amber Grappy, James Phoon, Ali Hardiman, Ramanique Ahluwalia, Donald Sage Mackay.

Body Count: 5

Laughter Lines: “The fraternisation clause – you penis flytraps have blown it.”


A few years back my parents reached the age where they traded in package holidays for cruises, and so I’ve been regaled by many-a-tale of room upgrades, rough seas, singers I assumed had died years ago, and what sounds like a median patron age of 69. Hearing this, I wondered how it would be if a psycho blew a fuse and decided to start hunting victims aboard. And here we are! Steer carefully around some spoilers!

A spectacular opening serves us the usual babe-in-peril scenario, with a young woman chased through a series of corridors by a maniac …dressed as a duck! Girls Nite Out eat your heart out. A rapid chase eventually shows our fleeing victim is aboard a huge floating hotel at sea. When cornered, rather than suffer being stabbed, she flips off the killer and throws herself overboard.

wreck 2022 duck killer

Some time later, her younger brother, Jamie Walsh (a thoughtfully named combo of Ms Curtis and Elm Street 2‘s Jesse) signs up as a sort of all-jobs lackie, taking the identity of lovelorn Cormac who, unknown to Jamie, has also decided to come along, to win back his girlfriend Rosie. While Jamie works shit jobs and befriends sarcastic Vivian, he looks for clues as to Pippa’s disappearance, knowing there’s more to it than the official explanation offered by the cruise line.

When his initial suspect also meets the business end of the duck’s knife and is thrown into a pool, Jamie confides in Vivian his true reason for being there and the two play detective, with some help from cabin-bound Cormac, and fellow crewmember Olly.

wreck 2022 thaddea graham oscar kennedy

After the slasher-heavy first episode (of six), Wreck sets a new course for a while, focusing in on the drug racket aboard the ship, with employees smuggling and dealing to colleagues and guests alike. Jamie suspects one of the officers but keeps getting stonewalled. Meanwhile, Vivian falls into an awkward relationship with first class rich girl, Lily.

Crew disappearances continue, explained away by the no-nonsense chief officer, Karen, who has no problem threatening jobs when the questions get too close to a possible cover up. Come the penultimate episode, the duck has all but been forgotten and Wreck becomes a kind of Hostel-at-sea, as it transpires first class guests have, as part of their package, the ability to pick and choose a low-rung crewmember to hunt in a number of scenarios in hidden parts of the ship – the officers and purser all oversee it, the low-hanging fruit in the crew are purely expendable.

wreck 2022 danny

Despite this swerve from slasher shenanigans, Wreck‘s most appealing elements lie in character and witty dialogue, both of which are top drawer, with a pair of LGBTQ leads, where their sexualities are largely incidental in the grand scheme of things, allowing for Vivian to quip “A lesbian with a powertool – how original!” during a climactic fight scene.

The body count remains low and things end with a find-out-in-the-second-series revelation that, honestly, I saw coming to an extent, but it also saddles the whole thing with a slight sense of incompletion… but I’d love to spend more time in the company of these characters so it’s not worth getting irked by.

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