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“This shit ain’t cool!”

November 5, 2023 Hud Leave a comment

final summer 2023

FINAL SUMMER

2023/83m

“In 1991, Camp Silverlake opened for the final time.”

Director/Writer: John Isberg

Cast: Jenna Kohn, Charlie Bauer, Wyatt Taber, Charlee Amacher, Myles Valentine, Jace Jamison, Ren Farbota, Ricardo Whitehead, Joi Hoffsommer, Thom Mathews.

Body Count: 11

Laughter Lines: “This whole thing just kinda feels like a horror movie; the whole let’s split up and search for the missing kid in the woods.”

Ode to Friday the 13th begins with a double murder at Camp Silverlake in 1986, then leaps five years where the accidental death of a child (named Mason!) during a nature hike is the final nail in the coffin of the camp’s fortunes, but also the lives of the counsellors.

As they prep to close down for good, a stalker in a skull hood begins axing them one by one. Is it the child’s distraught father, who happens to be a troubled ex-employee? The killer from ’86? Or someone else?

Ultimately, the killer’s identity is blaringly obvious, although Isberg attaches additional revelations and an evident tribute to the source material.

The kitten-weak maniac falls over a lot, drops his weapon (nobody ever picks it up despite ample opportunity), fails to finish off several of the counsellors, and cuts a particularly unthreatening figure.

final summer 2023

Elsewhere, there’s lots of wandering around in the dark with flashlights, a blue hue over everything, occasional references to Jason, and a couple of creepy shots here and there, but regrettably it’s too insubstantial. The film appears kneecapped by its budget, evidenced in a string off off-camera kills, slow, clunky fight scenes, and unresolved questions, such as who the killer in the prologue was. A post-credits scene hints at something, but it’s still all too murky.

Thom Mathews appears for a matter of minutes as the local Sheriff, and look out for the bizarre Tom Atkins ‘cameo’.

Reviews

100 favourite slasher movie characters – Part II

July 12, 2022 Hud 2 comments

There’s no order to this, just a celebration of my fave characters over the years, largely (but not entirely) ignoring final girls and killers. (Some spoilers though – boooo).

RADISH

Played by Joel S. Rice

In Final Exam (1981)

Why? Adhering to many-a-trope of the campus nerd, Radish is a rather scrawny know-all, however rather than being a second reel kill, he’s kinda promoted to the hero role as he discovers the murders and does his best to alert crush Courtney to the danger. Crush, you say? Well, there’s that barely obscured trait of him being more than just a little bit camp. Horror’s first final gay? Almost.

Quote: “It’s happening! The psychopaths are here!”

MELISSA

Played by Susan Jennifer Sullivan

In Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

Why? Fabulously evil Melissa is as socially destructive as Jason is violent. All pearls and high end boutique clothing, she functions mainly to try and thwart weepy heroine Tina’s closeness with Nick, not notice her rapidly disappearing friends, and cop and axe to the face as the film’s last victim.

Quote: “Like has nothing to do with it.”

CHRIS FINN

Played by Desmond Harrington

In Wrong Turn (2003)

Why? One of those ‘clipped’ personalities, Chris is the man who takes the wrong turn that escorts him into a nightmare. Grounded, logical, and a lil bit badass, he doesn’t do a whole lot of emoting, but comes through in the end.

Quote: “C’mon, you motherfuckers… just die.”

MOTHER SUPERIOR

Played by Lilyan Chauvin

In Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Why? The epitome of all cliches around a psychologically abusive adult, Mama Sups makes the young life of little Billy hellish, becoming his desired final victim. Despite her counter-evil evilness, there’s something endlessly compelling about the way Chauvin plays it, which, dare I say, is a performance too goo for the film it’s in.

Quote: “I see only greed where there should be gratitude.”

KIRBY REED

Played by Hayden Panettiere

In Scream 4 (2011)

Why? Losing Randy Meeks in Scream 2 was traumatic, so his torch was passed to the next gen and wielded by dry-witted Kirby, walking horror almanac for the class of 2011. Although plans for the immediate sequel never went anywhere, news that she did indeed survive and will return for Scream 6 was fantastically received.

Quote: “It was the voice from Stab, or… y’know, your life.”

LYNDA

Played by P.J. Soles

In Halloween (1978)

Why? She’s the original carefree friend. The one who smokes pot, likes premarital sex, and doesn’t really give a damn about the possible consequences of her actions. But really, who doesn’t think Lynda is just totally awesome?

Quote: “Totally.”

SHELLY

Played by Larry Zerner

In Friday the 13th Part III (1982)

Why? The original slasher movie prankster; Shelly just wants to catch up with his better looking mates and find a girl who likes him. When that doesn’t work out, the annoying pranks come out instead. But he’s clearly got a heart of gold and we owe him for furnishing Jason with his mask.

Quote: “They said they were going skinny dipping and I’m not skinny enough.”

JAZELLE GAY HARTMAN

Played by Patricia Belcher

In Jeepers Creepers (2001)

Why? A local psychic who sees the terrible fate awaiting Darry or Trish Jenner and does her best to warn them of the danger with an unsettling call to a diner they stop at. Sadly, as she receives her future information out of sequence, it’s all gibberish. By the time she physically catches up with them at the PoHo County Police Station, her insights are too little, too late.

Quote: “You know what it eats and don’t you make me tell you!”

Played by Timothy Webber

In Terror Train (1980)

Why? Boyfriend characters are usually a bit lacklustre in slasher films, and while Mo doesn’t get the chance to play hero at any time to protect Alana (Jamie Lee Curtis), punch out his manipulative ‘best bud’, or indeed ever be consciously aware of the killer’s presence, there’s a likeability to the character lacking in many other contemporaries, thanks in main to the additional care that went into Terror Train‘s script.

Quote: “I’ll get you for this one Doc …I mean it this time.”

SISSY

Played by Renee Jones

In Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

Why? Part of the new counselling staff at Camp ~~Crystal Lake~~ Forest Green, Sissy is the fun, insightful one but, because she’s a camp counsellor, is doomed. She just exudes mid-80s awesomeness though.

Quote: “Think I’d rather deal with ol’ Jason.”

Lists

100 favourite slasher movie characters – Part I

June 16, 2022 Hud Leave a comment

There’s no order to this, just a celebration of my fave characters over the years, largely (but not entirely) ignoring final girls and killers. (Some spoilers though – boooo).

Less go!

BARB

Played by Margot Kidder (R.I.P.)

In Black Christmas (1974)

Why? As the perma-drunk sister of the sorority, fastest tongue in the west Barb is not afraid to bring the drama, from aggravating the loon who has been plaguing the house with obscene calls to calling out people on their shit and pranking the local sergeant.

Quote: “Darling… you can’t rape a townie.”

* children of the corn isaac john franklin 1984 ISAAC

Played by John Franklin

In Children of the Corn (1984)

Why? Leader of the adult-hating kiddie-cult that resides in Gatlin, Nebraska, Isaac is a scheming little con-man, prone to camp hissy fits when he clashes with tyrannical deputy, Malachai. Endlessly entertaining.

Quote: “He speaks to me always …bitch!” (OK I added that last part, but if you watch the scene you’ll know it’s needed).

KAY-EM 14

Played by Lisa Ryder

In Jason X (2001)

Why? In a crowded, anonymous cast, android Kay-Em stands out amongst the pale archetypes as the (ever perky) single hope the crew has to neutralize the threat of Jason, which she does with cutesy enthusiasm.

Quote: “I’m afraid I’m gonna have to hurt you now.”

ELAINE PARKER

Played by Brooke Bundy

In A Nightmare on Elm Street’s 3–4 (1987/88)

Why? Short-tempered, wannabe socialite mother of Kristen, Mrs Parker is what we might today call a typical Karen: She won’t listen to anybody, just whips out the chequebook. I do like, in the series, that the guilty parents are left alive to suffer the loss of their kids, whereas most other series’ would simply kill off arrogant, unpleasant type.

Quote: “Kristen, get away from that house! Andale!”

MICKEY

Played by Timothy Olyphant

In Scream 2 (1997)

Why? One of many background suspects with minimal impact until he’s revealed to be one of the killers, film-obsessed Mickey wants to be caught to manipulate America’s trial-fixated culture by blaming ‘the movies’ and getting right wing Christian groups to pay his legal bills. Frighteningly, this doesn’t seem that unlikely.

Quote: “It’s bullshit generalisation – many sequels have surpassed the originals.”

JUDY

Played by Karen Fields

In Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Why? Sour teen Judy is the girl all the boys lust after at Camp Arawak – but she’s a total bitch! Her jealousy over attention afforded to shy Angela sets her on a path of nastiness that culminates with death-by-curling-iron.

Quote: “She’s a carpenter’s dream: Flat as a board and needs a good screw!”

REESE

Played by Loretta Devine

In Urban Legend 1–2 (1998/2000)

Why? Something of a rarity in slasherdom was the security guard who isn’t an early casualty of the killing spree; Reese is among the first to suspect something fishy going on at Pendleton U, but is shut down by the Dean, and the ultimately plays a hand in saving the day. Twice.

Quote: “Get up against the wall… you looney, psycho bitch!”

ALEX BROWNING

Played by Devon Sawa

In Final Destination (2000)

Why? High schooler Alex’s journey from Joe Nobody to prescient hero makes for an interesting change to the customary midwestern white girl lead in teen horror. He’s likeable without being too earnest and heroic without being annoying and improbably macho.

Quote: “[We will remove you from this aircraft]” / “Fuck you, I’ll remove myself!”

SETH

Played by Vincent Van Patten

In Hell Night (1981)

Why? Frat guys in slasher films are usually douches, and while Seth is largely transfixed with getting into Denise’s pants, once the threat is revealed, he switches into hero mode to save his friends, ultimately at the cost of his own demise.

Sad times.

Quote: “If you weren’t screaming… and we weren’t screaming… then somebody’s trying to mind-fuck us.”

BRENDA

Played by Laurie Bartram (R.I.P.)

In Friday the 13th (1980)

Why? The ‘sensible girl’ at Camp Crystal Lake, Brenda combines smouldering Hollywood Golden Era looks with an endearing, hard-working personality, that likely made her fun to be around.

Quote: “Fat chance, you’re two steps for Pacific Avenue and Skin City!”

Lists

Ssshhh… you’ll wake the undead

September 12, 2021 Hud Leave a comment

JASON RISING

2021/58m

“Revenge never dies.”

Director/Writer: James Sweet / Writers: Vincente DiSanti, Maurice Cardwell / Cast: Kyle Vahan, Anna Campbell, Jerry Bell Jr., Jason Reynolds, Adrienne King, Lisa Sorenson, Jennie Vaughn, Elizabeth Garrett, Dan Kyle, Alyxandra McCormack, Amy Steel (voice).

Body Count: 10

We should all be in awe of the fans keeping Jason in our hearts and on our screens while the court case surrounding the rights to the name or whatever it is grinds on and on. Spoilers ensue.

After Never Hike Alone / in the Snow and Vengeance, 2021 served up Jason Rising, a quirky follow-on from, I think, The Final Chapter, co-produced by the team behind the Never Hike films.

Jason is taken away by the Wessex County Sheriff and two deputies to be buried in the woods not far from Camp Crystal Lake. In the present, the Sheriff’s son, now in that role, is called upon to help a pair of Marshalls hunt down a trio of female convicts who killed and cut off the dick of a guard at a labour farm. The women run into the off-limits section of the forest to hide out at the abandoned camp.

Nearby, Pamela Voorhees’ headless corpse reanimates itself and totters through the woods to resurrect Jason and set him about killing the intruders, as well as doing away with some herself before locating her own head. It’s worth praising the choice of actress to play a young Pam in flashbacks – she looks just as I’d envisage a young Betsy P.

Jason merrily does away with the convicts and the Marshalls before hunting down the Sheriff and his lackadaisical deputy, Eve, who sends out a call for help when Jason has her cornered – and it’s overheard by the most unexpected of individuals…

The surviving pair make it back to the correctional farm and are attacked by the re-complete Pamela just as ALICE sweeps in and takes her head off again! Alice!!?

A coda reveals that she evidently survived the ice-pick through her head and was put into witness protection (although the file is just in a box with ‘confidential’ written on it). She then receives a call from her therapist – Dr Ginny Field! – and the cops deposit Jason’s body back into Crystal Lake.

The love for the series classics is evident, although I was confused early on as to when this was set, as two of the cops who bury Jason in 1984 look exactly like the duo in the present, and if it slots in with the Never Hike films in any way. Alice’s survival is a stretch given we saw her skeleton at the end of Part 2, but is at least explained in quasi-just-go-with-it-believable way.

Some comedic asides circumvent the tension here and there, as different production teams opt for different perspectives of which Jason they’re going for. Here, it’s a little bit wacky as he pulls out the entire spine and skull of one poor schmuck – but these varying interpretations of the lore are all welcome while Hollywood continues to let the series rot.

Blurbs-of-interest: Vincente DiSanti played Jason in the Never Hike films; Anna Campbell appeared in Never Hike in the Snow but as a different character.

Reviews

Fan Service

November 13, 2020 Hud Leave a comment

FRIDAY THE 13TH: VENGEANCE

2019/94m

“More than a fan film.”

Director/Writer: Jeremy Brown / Writers: Stacy Brown, Dustin Glen Montierth, Jason Brooks, T.C. De Witt, Mike Meade / Cast: C.J. Graham, Kelly Tappan, Luke Schuck, Steve Dash, Jason Brooks, Christian Sullivan, Natalie Schnelle, Tabitha Bastien, Ray Hopper, Jon A. Ravenholt, Diana Prtince, Dan Feldmeir, Senae Loutsis, Ellen Smith, Tommy McLoughlin.

Body Count: 39+

Laughter Lines: “Maybe we should ditch the bikes and cut through the woods?”

I’ve often thought that many of the problems that have beset the Friday the 13th series might be solved if the series just became a straight-to-video show. It’d likely mean these lengthy gaps between entries would be reduced for one thing.

It seems that, tired of waiting, some folks have decided to go it alone. Never Hike Alone and its recent follow up showed how much can be achieved on micro-budgets, and Vengeance – a film actually longer than most of the originals! – landed looking like I’d expect DTV Jason to present: A little more rustic around the edges, with the requisite cheap horror trope of added lesbianism, and a redonkulously high body count.

Weaving a tale between the available elements, this really is a love letter chiefly to 1986’s Jason Lives, picking up in 2018 and running with the excised idea of Jason’s daddy Elias Voorhees making his long awaited debut. This point confused me somewhat – as he’d surely be around 90, but then there’s something about multiple death certificates too, so is he a ghost?? Either way, Jason resurrects from the bottom of Crystal Lake and wastes no time in squishing, impaling, hacking, and tearing limb from limb everyone he encounters. The local sheriff (the late Steve Dash, from Part 2) is keen to chalk things up to bear attacks.

Not too far away, Tommy Jarvis’ daughters Angie and Ashley are worried about their missing pa. Angie’s Jason-obsessed friend Rob agrees to help her search for him, rounding up relatives of other survivors: nieces and nephews of Ginny, Chris, and The Final Chapter‘s Rob. They’re sold on stopping Jason so head off into the wilderness where they cross paths with a Crystal Lake tour group.

Jason, meanwhile, has hacked his way through another tour group, and a chain gang of inmates clearing the forest, while Elias (CJ Graham) is busy hunting down the very counsellors responsible for his son’s 1957 drowning, who we get to see in a cute flashback where people say ‘fuck’ a lot more than they probably would have done back then.

Vengeance is pure love for the lore around the movies, from the font used in the credits, to the score BY HARRY MANFREDINI!!! and some truly head-tilting ideas for denouements courtesy of the J-man. My only real complaint is that it’s a very ‘busy’ film, with multiple parties in play at any one time, sending the coroner’s backlog stratospheric and a sense of futility for a couple of seemingly important characters who are summarily killed before they achieve anything, making their presence seem superfluous. It’s neither here nor there though, the people behind this have laid their adoration out for all to see and it’s something really worth the time of any Crystal Lake fan.

Reviews

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