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100 favourite slasher movie characters – Part III

October 6, 2022 Hud Leave a comment

There’s no order to this, just a celebration of my fave characters over the years, largely (but not entirely) ignoring final girls and killers. (Some spoilers though – boooo).

MRS VOORHEES

Played by Betsy Palmer

In Friday the 13th (1980)

Why? The mom of all moms – in horror terms at least – woe to the first-time viewer of Friday the 13th who assumed the killer would be grizzly dude in a mask, but turned out to be the kindly middle-aged lady who is part-possessed by the spirit of her ‘dead’ son.

Quote? “Come dear… it’ll be easier for you than it was for Jason.”

ARCH

Played by Thomas F. Wilson

In April Fool’s Day (1986)

Why? Jocks who just want to get laid in slasher films usually evoke very little sympathy, as they usually have very little character. April Fool’s Day is an irregularity in this regard, giving us a bunch of college kids with added depth and, consequently, likeability.

Quote? “I’m on a mission here, a mission to bed as many women as humanly possible.”

TARYN

Played by Jennifer Rubin

In A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

Why? Of the ‘Dream Warrior’ kids at Westin Hills hospital, recovering addict Taryn was easily my favourite. Edgy and sarcastic, but resolute and determined, she’s ready to take Freddy on.

Quote? “In my dreams I’m beautiful… and bad.”

MINDY

Played by Jasmine Savoy Brown

In Scream (2022)

Why? As niece of Randy Meeks, Mindy slides effortlessly into his place (and Kirby’s) as the walking Wiki on horror convention, being the one to discern that the new killer is making a ‘requel’ this time, and later getting to be part of a sort of infinity mirror moment as she advises Randy’s Stab character to turn around while he advises Jamie Lee Curtis to turn around, all the while herself needing to turn around…

Quote? “You need to build something new. But not too new or the Internet goes bug-fucking-nuts.”

NATALIE

Played by Alicia Witt

In Urban Legend (1998)

Why? As far as final girls go in the 90s slasher cycle, Alicia Witt gave it a slightly reserved skew to distinguish Natalie from Sidney Prescott’s ass-kickery and Jennifer Love Hewitt’s squealing. As a flawed, slightly self-righteous character, she’s more interesting than most of her contemporaries and a major selling point for the movie.

Quote? “This was someone’s life, Paul. Did you ever stop to think about that?”

RICKY

Played by Justin Chong

In Hack! (2007)

Why? Gay characters had been sorely absent from horror throughout the 80s (unless they were the killer), so once the 00s came around it was great to see an influx of theatrical boys in the ranks. Ricky camps it up nicely, singing Fame to stave off the scares as he waits alone in the woods on an island with more than one homicidal maniac running around on it.

MARCIA & RALPH

Played by Marilyn Kagan & Trey Stroud

In The Initiation (1983)

Why? Another film with surprisingly well drawn characters, Marcia is the sex-phobic pledge Ralph the wannabe comedian who eventually shows his sensitive side in a sweet shared scene – and then both are immediately killed.

Quote? “[Sex] again?” / “It’s customary at our age.”

BUB

Played by Burr Steers

In Intruder (1988)

Why? As far as horror movie stoners go, Burr has got to be near the top of the stack. Near-continuously zoned out from his duties, he meets a very nasty end, but was hopefully too spaced to really notice.

Quote? “I swear to God. If my brother hadn’t hit him in the head repeatedly with a blender, he would’ve killed me!”

JANELLE

Played by Anna Faris

In Lovers Lane (1999)

Why? Another archetype is the slutty cheerleader character. However, in Lovers Lane, pre-stardom Anna Faris makes Janelle a friendly new-girl whose death-by-hook feels unjustly cruel.

MRS SLATER

Played by Lois Kelso Hunt

In The House on Sorority Row (1982)

Why? Cranky housemother Mrs Slater rules the Pi Theta sorority with an iron fist – and iron cane. Permanently annoyed, her inflexibility quite literally becomes the death of her. Gotta love these no-bull matriarch types though. Her in a girl group with Mother Superior and Mrs Voorhees would be awesome.

Quote? “If that gun is real, all you girls are going to be in real trouble.”

Lists

Mish/Mash

August 12, 2022 Hud 2 comments

THEY/THEM

2022/104m

“Fear doesn’t discriminate.”

Director/Writer: John Logan / Cast: Kevin Bacon, Carrie Preston, Anna Chlumsky, Theo Germaine, Quei Tann, Austin Crute, Anna Lore, Monique Kim, Cooper Koch, Darwin del Fabro, Hayley Griffith, Boone Platt.

Body Count: 7

Laughter Lines: “I keep expecting Jason Voorhees to come out of these woods.” / “Who?”

Some spoilers.

A lone female gets a flat on a backroad and is attacked by a masked psycho. Same old, same old. The aerial shot pans onward and shows us Whistler Camp, a conversion center for non-heterosexual teenagers, a busload of which arrives in the morning to be greeted by head counsellor Kevin Bacon, in a nice throwback to his never-actually-got-to-do-the-job role of Jack in Friday the 13th.

An assorted group of campers are initially divvied up by gender, which is an issue for non-binary Jordan, who is sweet-talked by KB into the boys’ cabin, and later joined by transgender Alex, who is turfed out of the girls’ block when one of the creepy staff spies on her in the shower.

Therapy sessions ensue, both in group and with creepy ‘doctor’ Cora (Carrie Preston, who is perfectly unhinged), the girls bake pies, the boys learn to shoot, hook-ups occur and, after what feels like forever, the masked loon reappears and offs an ancillary staff member. Shortly after, the camp’s thinly-veiled sadistic practices begin to show through. The kids decide they want out, and the killer starts to up their game.

As a slasher movie, They/Them (‘They-slash-them’, geddit?) is a bit of a spectacular failure. The killer is obvious from the moment they’re introduced, and their intent to ‘cleanse’ the camp from continuing to do the damage it does, while admirable, renders them largely unthreatening as the campers are off the hit-list, with only the rather one-dimensional counsellors at risk of being slashed to neatly trimmed ribbons. And they’re hypocritical assholes as it is, so why even care?

The more relative horror in They/Them comes from the invasive in-roads made by the staff to assault their charges: Cora goes through personal belongings to play psychological games with Jordan, all but telling them to kill themself during a session, and the boys are forced to shoot the camp’s ailing hound dog to make them ‘real’ men. It’s disturbing, nicely realised (especially Preston’s leave-the-rest-in-the-dust performance), and sad when you think that such places exist.

The film was hailed as an LGBTQ+ empowerment tale in some places, which makes for some sweet moments between the characters, as they realise their support network is each other, although at times it feels forced within the span of the film and paves the way for a bizarre sing-a-long to Pink’s Fuckin’ Perfect, and some cringe-inducing Drag Race dialogue (I really do not need to hear “Step your pussy up” uttered anymore). It’s as if Logan becomes entangled in the hanging streamers of his plot strands, swinging dangerously close to celebratory musical mode, over to drama, then remembering he’s got a horror film to deliver, so cramming all of the slashing into what little time remains on the clock.

It was probably a commercially wise decision to render the camp a religion-free zone, but, like the lack of threat posed to the campers, is something of a cop out. The persecution of gay folks is largely rooted in such beliefs and it would’ve been brave to call that out, but I can also see why Peacock didn’t want to go down that route given how extreme fundamentalists would probably mail them explosives with ‘groomers’ written all over it.

A tendency to fall back on to slightly stereotypical character attributes and repressed self-loathing means that I can’t wholeheartedly recommend this one, but it’s also hardly the train wreck it’s been made out to be. Probably would have worked better as a miniseries. HellBent needn’t worry about losing it’s gay-slasher crown just yet.

Blurbs-of-interest: Bacon was also the lead in Hollow Man.

Reviews

100 favourite slasher movie characters – Part II

July 12, 2022 Hud 2 comments

There’s no order to this, just a celebration of my fave characters over the years, largely (but not entirely) ignoring final girls and killers. (Some spoilers though – boooo).

RADISH

Played by Joel S. Rice

In Final Exam (1981)

Why? Adhering to many-a-trope of the campus nerd, Radish is a rather scrawny know-all, however rather than being a second reel kill, he’s kinda promoted to the hero role as he discovers the murders and does his best to alert crush Courtney to the danger. Crush, you say? Well, there’s that barely obscured trait of him being more than just a little bit camp. Horror’s first final gay? Almost.

Quote: “It’s happening! The psychopaths are here!”

MELISSA

Played by Susan Jennifer Sullivan

In Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

Why? Fabulously evil Melissa is as socially destructive as Jason is violent. All pearls and high end boutique clothing, she functions mainly to try and thwart weepy heroine Tina’s closeness with Nick, not notice her rapidly disappearing friends, and cop and axe to the face as the film’s last victim.

Quote: “Like has nothing to do with it.”

CHRIS FINN

Played by Desmond Harrington

In Wrong Turn (2003)

Why? One of those ‘clipped’ personalities, Chris is the man who takes the wrong turn that escorts him into a nightmare. Grounded, logical, and a lil bit badass, he doesn’t do a whole lot of emoting, but comes through in the end.

Quote: “C’mon, you motherfuckers… just die.”

MOTHER SUPERIOR

Played by Lilyan Chauvin

In Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Why? The epitome of all cliches around a psychologically abusive adult, Mama Sups makes the young life of little Billy hellish, becoming his desired final victim. Despite her counter-evil evilness, there’s something endlessly compelling about the way Chauvin plays it, which, dare I say, is a performance too goo for the film it’s in.

Quote: “I see only greed where there should be gratitude.”

KIRBY REED

Played by Hayden Panettiere

In Scream 4 (2011)

Why? Losing Randy Meeks in Scream 2 was traumatic, so his torch was passed to the next gen and wielded by dry-witted Kirby, walking horror almanac for the class of 2011. Although plans for the immediate sequel never went anywhere, news that she did indeed survive and will return for Scream 6 was fantastically received.

Quote: “It was the voice from Stab, or… y’know, your life.”

LYNDA

Played by P.J. Soles

In Halloween (1978)

Why? She’s the original carefree friend. The one who smokes pot, likes premarital sex, and doesn’t really give a damn about the possible consequences of her actions. But really, who doesn’t think Lynda is just totally awesome?

Quote: “Totally.”

SHELLY

Played by Larry Zerner

In Friday the 13th Part III (1982)

Why? The original slasher movie prankster; Shelly just wants to catch up with his better looking mates and find a girl who likes him. When that doesn’t work out, the annoying pranks come out instead. But he’s clearly got a heart of gold and we owe him for furnishing Jason with his mask.

Quote: “They said they were going skinny dipping and I’m not skinny enough.”

JAZELLE GAY HARTMAN

Played by Patricia Belcher

In Jeepers Creepers (2001)

Why? A local psychic who sees the terrible fate awaiting Darry or Trish Jenner and does her best to warn them of the danger with an unsettling call to a diner they stop at. Sadly, as she receives her future information out of sequence, it’s all gibberish. By the time she physically catches up with them at the PoHo County Police Station, her insights are too little, too late.

Quote: “You know what it eats and don’t you make me tell you!”

Played by Timothy Webber

In Terror Train (1980)

Why? Boyfriend characters are usually a bit lacklustre in slasher films, and while Mo doesn’t get the chance to play hero at any time to protect Alana (Jamie Lee Curtis), punch out his manipulative ‘best bud’, or indeed ever be consciously aware of the killer’s presence, there’s a likeability to the character lacking in many other contemporaries, thanks in main to the additional care that went into Terror Train‘s script.

Quote: “I’ll get you for this one Doc …I mean it this time.”

SISSY

Played by Renee Jones

In Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

Why? Part of the new counselling staff at Camp ~~Crystal Lake~~ Forest Green, Sissy is the fun, insightful one but, because she’s a camp counsellor, is doomed. She just exudes mid-80s awesomeness though.

Quote: “Think I’d rather deal with ol’ Jason.”

Lists

100 favourite slasher movie characters – Part I

June 16, 2022 Hud Leave a comment

There’s no order to this, just a celebration of my fave characters over the years, largely (but not entirely) ignoring final girls and killers. (Some spoilers though – boooo).

Less go!

BARB

Played by Margot Kidder (R.I.P.)

In Black Christmas (1974)

Why? As the perma-drunk sister of the sorority, fastest tongue in the west Barb is not afraid to bring the drama, from aggravating the loon who has been plaguing the house with obscene calls to calling out people on their shit and pranking the local sergeant.

Quote: “Darling… you can’t rape a townie.”

* children of the corn isaac john franklin 1984 ISAAC

Played by John Franklin

In Children of the Corn (1984)

Why? Leader of the adult-hating kiddie-cult that resides in Gatlin, Nebraska, Isaac is a scheming little con-man, prone to camp hissy fits when he clashes with tyrannical deputy, Malachai. Endlessly entertaining.

Quote: “He speaks to me always …bitch!” (OK I added that last part, but if you watch the scene you’ll know it’s needed).

KAY-EM 14

Played by Lisa Ryder

In Jason X (2001)

Why? In a crowded, anonymous cast, android Kay-Em stands out amongst the pale archetypes as the (ever perky) single hope the crew has to neutralize the threat of Jason, which she does with cutesy enthusiasm.

Quote: “I’m afraid I’m gonna have to hurt you now.”

ELAINE PARKER

Played by Brooke Bundy

In A Nightmare on Elm Street’s 3–4 (1987/88)

Why? Short-tempered, wannabe socialite mother of Kristen, Mrs Parker is what we might today call a typical Karen: She won’t listen to anybody, just whips out the chequebook. I do like, in the series, that the guilty parents are left alive to suffer the loss of their kids, whereas most other series’ would simply kill off arrogant, unpleasant type.

Quote: “Kristen, get away from that house! Andale!”

MICKEY

Played by Timothy Olyphant

In Scream 2 (1997)

Why? One of many background suspects with minimal impact until he’s revealed to be one of the killers, film-obsessed Mickey wants to be caught to manipulate America’s trial-fixated culture by blaming ‘the movies’ and getting right wing Christian groups to pay his legal bills. Frighteningly, this doesn’t seem that unlikely.

Quote: “It’s bullshit generalisation – many sequels have surpassed the originals.”

JUDY

Played by Karen Fields

In Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Why? Sour teen Judy is the girl all the boys lust after at Camp Arawak – but she’s a total bitch! Her jealousy over attention afforded to shy Angela sets her on a path of nastiness that culminates with death-by-curling-iron.

Quote: “She’s a carpenter’s dream: Flat as a board and needs a good screw!”

REESE

Played by Loretta Devine

In Urban Legend 1–2 (1998/2000)

Why? Something of a rarity in slasherdom was the security guard who isn’t an early casualty of the killing spree; Reese is among the first to suspect something fishy going on at Pendleton U, but is shut down by the Dean, and the ultimately plays a hand in saving the day. Twice.

Quote: “Get up against the wall… you looney, psycho bitch!”

ALEX BROWNING

Played by Devon Sawa

In Final Destination (2000)

Why? High schooler Alex’s journey from Joe Nobody to prescient hero makes for an interesting change to the customary midwestern white girl lead in teen horror. He’s likeable without being too earnest and heroic without being annoying and improbably macho.

Quote: “[We will remove you from this aircraft]” / “Fuck you, I’ll remove myself!”

SETH

Played by Vincent Van Patten

In Hell Night (1981)

Why? Frat guys in slasher films are usually douches, and while Seth is largely transfixed with getting into Denise’s pants, once the threat is revealed, he switches into hero mode to save his friends, ultimately at the cost of his own demise.

Sad times.

Quote: “If you weren’t screaming… and we weren’t screaming… then somebody’s trying to mind-fuck us.”

BRENDA

Played by Laurie Bartram (R.I.P.)

In Friday the 13th (1980)

Why? The ‘sensible girl’ at Camp Crystal Lake, Brenda combines smouldering Hollywood Golden Era looks with an endearing, hard-working personality, that likely made her fun to be around.

Quote: “Fat chance, you’re two steps for Pacific Avenue and Skin City!”

Lists

Ssshhh… you’ll wake the undead

September 12, 2021 Hud Leave a comment

JASON RISING

2021/58m

“Revenge never dies.”

Director/Writer: James Sweet / Writers: Vincente DiSanti, Maurice Cardwell / Cast: Kyle Vahan, Anna Campbell, Jerry Bell Jr., Jason Reynolds, Adrienne King, Lisa Sorenson, Jennie Vaughn, Elizabeth Garrett, Dan Kyle, Alyxandra McCormack, Amy Steel (voice).

Body Count: 10

We should all be in awe of the fans keeping Jason in our hearts and on our screens while the court case surrounding the rights to the name or whatever it is grinds on and on. Spoilers ensue.

After Never Hike Alone / in the Snow and Vengeance, 2021 served up Jason Rising, a quirky follow-on from, I think, The Final Chapter, co-produced by the team behind the Never Hike films.

Jason is taken away by the Wessex County Sheriff and two deputies to be buried in the woods not far from Camp Crystal Lake. In the present, the Sheriff’s son, now in that role, is called upon to help a pair of Marshalls hunt down a trio of female convicts who killed and cut off the dick of a guard at a labour farm. The women run into the off-limits section of the forest to hide out at the abandoned camp.

Nearby, Pamela Voorhees’ headless corpse reanimates itself and totters through the woods to resurrect Jason and set him about killing the intruders, as well as doing away with some herself before locating her own head. It’s worth praising the choice of actress to play a young Pam in flashbacks – she looks just as I’d envisage a young Betsy P.

Jason merrily does away with the convicts and the Marshalls before hunting down the Sheriff and his lackadaisical deputy, Eve, who sends out a call for help when Jason has her cornered – and it’s overheard by the most unexpected of individuals…

The surviving pair make it back to the correctional farm and are attacked by the re-complete Pamela just as ALICE sweeps in and takes her head off again! Alice!!?

A coda reveals that she evidently survived the ice-pick through her head and was put into witness protection (although the file is just in a box with ‘confidential’ written on it). She then receives a call from her therapist – Dr Ginny Field! – and the cops deposit Jason’s body back into Crystal Lake.

The love for the series classics is evident, although I was confused early on as to when this was set, as two of the cops who bury Jason in 1984 look exactly like the duo in the present, and if it slots in with the Never Hike films in any way. Alice’s survival is a stretch given we saw her skeleton at the end of Part 2, but is at least explained in quasi-just-go-with-it-believable way.

Some comedic asides circumvent the tension here and there, as different production teams opt for different perspectives of which Jason they’re going for. Here, it’s a little bit wacky as he pulls out the entire spine and skull of one poor schmuck – but these varying interpretations of the lore are all welcome while Hollywood continues to let the series rot.

Blurbs-of-interest: Vincente DiSanti played Jason in the Never Hike films; Anna Campbell appeared in Never Hike in the Snow but as a different character.

Reviews

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